


Nothing in Between

by cynapse



Category: Twilight, Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Canon Trans Character, F/M, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Genderfluid, Genderqueer Character, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other, Romance, Trans, Trans Character, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 51,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynapse/pseuds/cynapse
Summary: While struggling to adapt to their new life, Iz has a strange encounter with a student at Forks High that leaves them confused, angry, scared, but ultimately hungry for more. This story follows the canon plot for Twilight (mostly). I just wanted some nonbinary representation in the fandom. Although the name Iz comes from a variation of "Bella", please do not assume this character is AFAB.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Edward Cullen/Beau Swan, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Edward Cullen/Original Character(s), Emmett Cullen/Royal Hale
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Forks

I was fine on the way to the airport, saying bye to mom and Phil, watching Phoenix get smaller and smaller in the plane window, and landing at SeaTac. But the moment I stepped into Charlie’s police cruiser, the anxiety really started to hit me.

What was I doing here again? It seemed liked the best solution given the situation. My mom Renee had just married a sweet man named Phil. He was a really nice guy who played minor league baseball, so he traveled quite a bit. And I couldn’t stand to see how much my mom missed him when he was away. But no matter how hard I tried to get her to go with him, insisting that I would be fine on my own, her guilt got the best of her. And so she stayed with me. And she was sad.

So that’s what I was doing here. I didn’t want my mom to be sad anymore. So I suggested coming to live with my dad, Charlie. Of course my mom put up the biggest fight. But I was just as stubborn as she was. Just as Renee refused to travel with Phil, I was adamant about coming to stay with my dad for a while in a small town in Washington called Forks.

Charlie’s anxiety wasn’t helping my own one bit. I could tell how uncomfortable he was in the car with me. Although he was the chief of police and meant business when he was at work, the rest of the world saw what I saw as I peered over at him in the driver’s seat—a kind, well-meaning but completely socially awkward man. I let out a big sigh.

He immediately noticed and shot me a look. But instead of asking me what was wrong, he managed to mumble out some platitudes about my hair growing out.

“Your hair is a little longer, Iz.”

I turned my head away to look out the window so I could roll my eyes without Charlie seeing me. No shit. I could see my reflection in the rain-streaked window. My slightly wavy brown hair hit right at my jawline these days. I preferred it shorter, but I just hadn’t gotten around to cutting it lately.

“Yeah,” was my only reply.

It wasn’t that his comment upset me. I just wished he tried to talk to me more, like really talk to me. I knew he loved me and would do anything for me. But ever since my transition, our relationship had become a bit stilted. We had never been super close anyway; I only visited Forks maybe once a year, if that. We chatted over the phone on special occasions like birthdays and holidays. But outside of that, we never really had a strong bond. It’s hard to stay connected to a parent who lives so far away.

And it’s not that Charlie wasn’t supportive of my gender. He used my correct name and pronouns. He encouraged me to start hormones if that made me happy. Although surprised and uncertain when I came out, he made sure I understood he accepted me and loved me no matter what. But I knew that it was really hard for him to adjust. Renee had sent him dozens of books and articles so that he could educate himself. But it wasn’t a lack of knowledge that made him so hesitant or reserved towards me. I tried to empathize with how strange it might be to watch your child change in these ways. I hoped he would come around eventually and we could get over this weird vibe that was between us.

I let out another sigh. Again, Charlie responded to the expression without actually addressing it.

“I got you a car, a truck actually. An old Chevy pickup. It’s a little run down but I got it for a great price. It’s from a friend, Billy Black. Do you remember him?”

I was actually a little stunned. I didn’t expect such a big gift from Charlie. I had been wondering in the back of mind how I was going to get around Forks. It warmed me to know Charlie was this thoughtful.

I cleared my throat. “You didn’t have to do that. But thank you. Billy Black…is that Jacob’s dad?” I had faint, fuzzy memories of a boy a little younger than me, playing in the front yard of Charlie’s.

“Yes!” He sounded pleased that I knew who he was talking about. “Jacob’s excited that you’re moving here. He helped fix up the truck, too. Maybe you can go down to the reservation to visit him once you’re settled in.”

“La Push? Yeah, maybe,” I answered noncommittally. I wasn’t sure I was up for making friends just yet. I also didn’t know how much people remembered me from when I was younger. I had secretly hoped people would think I was Charlie’s other long-lost child he simply forgot to mention. In my silly and unrealistic fantasy, I though maybe I could pass off my pretransition self as my sibling. But I knew how improbable that scenario was. I would have to come out all over again to each new person I met that knew me from before.

This time when another deep sigh escaped my lips, Charlie softly stated, “We’re home.”

I blinked a few times, shocked at how fast the three and a half hour car ride had gone. _Home_. The word made my chest ache. I suddenly missed my mom. As we exited the vehicle, I instantly spotted my truck in the driveway. Charlie wasn’t kidding when he said it was a bit run down. But I was grateful to have transportation.

I immediately darted up to my room upstairs with my two bags in tow. Charlie thankfully left me to my own devices and let me know dinner, more specifically pizza delivery, would be here soon. I wasn’t even hungry. Just sad.

Stepping into old room was surreal. Waves of nostalgia rolled through me. It was exactly as I had left it. It even smelled the same. I quickly set my bag on the floor and went down the hall to use the restroom. I was glad to see how clean it was. I had my reservations about sharing a bathroom with my dad.

After I did my thing, I went back to into my room and closed the door. As I laid down on my old bed, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to call my mom.

“Iz!” she all but shrieked when answering.

“Hey Mom,” I chuckled.

“Sweetie…you sound so glum. Is everything alright? How’s Charlie? How’s the house? Do you want to come home?” she rushed out.

“Mom, I’m fine. Just tired,” I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my forehead. I was too drained to have this conversation.

“The house is the same. Charlie’s…good. He got me a truck.”

“Oh Sweetie that’s wonderful! I’m so glad,” Renee sounded far more enthusiastic than I could ever muster. After some more check ins and reassurances that I didn’t want to come home, we said our goodbyes.

As soon as I hung up, the tears started to fall. I had no regrets about my decision to here. I truly wanted my mom to spend her newly wed phase on the road with Phil. Although she would never admit to me, I knew she loved it. She had a naturally adventurous spirit and enjoyed the new cities every few days. I had strong conviction in my choice. I just didn’t want to have to face new people, a new house, a new school—basically a new life—all alone. I was most definitely independent and an introvert at heart, but that didn’t stop me from wishing I had someone to support me through all this change.

I heard Charlie call out from downstairs that our food was here. My stomach dropped at the realization that it was dinner time, and that less than twelve hours from now, I would be walking into Forks High School.


	2. First Day

I was actually relieved when my phone alarm pulled me out of slumber. I had nightmares all night and was just glad to be awake even if it was this early on a Monday morning.

I begrudgingly got out of bed and hit the shower. After brushing my teeth and drying off, I went to my bags that were still on the floor. I couldn’t bring myself to unpack just yet. I sighed as I rummaged through my things. I would have liked to create a more put together outfit, but I gave up once I found some black jeans and a black hoodie. I didn’t have the energy to put any effort into my appearance today.

Once I finished dressing, I went back into the bathroom to appraise myself in the mirror. It was such a relief to not feel an overwhelming sense of dysphoria, something I did not take for granted every time I perceived myself. Hormones, counseling, some strategic workouts, and a personal grooming routine had helped me overcome years of self-hatred, internalized cissexism, and debilitating anxiety. Well, partially overcome. I still had my days where I just wanted to stay in bed and have no one look at me. But for the most part, I felt fairly confidence in my appearance.

I hated to label myself in such artificially constructed terms, but if I saw myself walking down the street and you asked me to describe that person, “androgynous” would probably be included, in addition to fair skin, medium height, brown hair, and brown eyes. Some days, I would present more feminine, or at least what society deems as feminine. I liked wearing makeup and skirts when I felt like it. Other times I would express more traditionally masculine traits, although they were just society’s stereotypes as well. It was simply exhausting explaining to everyone that I wasn’t a boy or a girl. I was just me. My gender wasn’t something I wanted to categorize into a box.

For a moment, I tried to focus on my features that weren’t associated with a particular gender. My freckles. My nose. My ears. I let out another sigh. Today was going to be rough. I honestly didn’t know how I would be received at such a small school. In this day and age, people were mostly tolerant. Even if they didn’t understand or thought I was weird, they mostly let me be. People tried their best to use my pronouns. Teachers let me use the gender neutral bathroom in their lounge. Of course I did deal with the occasional bully or troll, but my school in Phoenix was so big that I easily avoided anyone who tried to single me out. School administration was usually pretty good an intervening when necessary. But I didn’t know what to expect in a town like Forks. A newcomer like me would clearly stick out in a high school of 300.

I heard Charlie calling from downstairs making sure I was awake. I slowly made way down the stairs and into the kitchen, trying to prolong the inevitable. I seriously didn’t want to eat but forced myself to stomach a bowl of cereal. There wasn’t much food to cook in the house anyway. Lack of culinary skills was something Charlie and I shared.

As I was rinsing my bowl in the sink, I heard Charlie mutter, “So…first day at a new school.”

“Yep,” I turned around to face him fully for the first time.

“Nervous?” he checked in. He was sitting at the tiny table with a cup of coffee, scrolling through something on his phone. It was strange how much he looked like me, before and after I transitioned.

“Nope…well, I should get going. Bye.” I could almost see the relief in his face that the conversation wouldn’t go any further.

“Bye,” I heard him call out as I was headed out the door.

The cold air immediately accosted me. I would have to get use to that. I shivered slightly as I hopped into my truck. I turned the key Charlie gave me in the ignition and scared myself with the way the engine roared to life. Quickly, I cranked up the heat. My hair was still a little wet from the shower and I couldn’t wait for the cab to get warmer.

I had been to Forks enough time in my life to have a general sense of where everything was. As I pulled out onto the familiar road, my heart started to sink. I didn’t think I could get through today. The anxiety brewing in the pit of stomach felt awful. At a stoplight, I took out my phone to play some music I hoped would take my mind off things. The Chevy obviously did not come with an aux.

After some time, I found myself pulling into the school parking lot. It was fairly crowded as first period would start soon. My breathing was coming out in short pants. I noticed my mouth and throat felt dry and prickly. I downed some water from a bottle in my book bag and steeled myself. Here we go.

As I got out of the car and walked up to the school to find the main office, students immediately started to stare and whisper. I felt my face get really hot and sped up my walking. Luckily, the office wasn’t too difficult to find. I walked in, grateful for the warmth, and rested my fingertips on the counter as I waited for the administrative assistant to get off the phone.

“Hi there! You must be Iz Swan. My name is Mrs. Cope,” she chirped once she turned her attention to me. I could tell she was waiting for me to respond.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” was all I could stumble out of my mouth. I was hyperaware of the glances my way from the few other staff and students in the office.

“Here’s your schedule and locker number. I need for all of your teachers to sign this slip verifying that you made it to their class. Bring it back here and the end of today, okay?”

“Okay.” I grabbed the papers from her hand and swiftly exited the office. Shit. I forgot to ask her about the bathroom situation. I didn’t want to go back in there though. Well, no more drinking any liquids for the rest of today. I sighed and looked to see what my first class was. Trig. God, I hated being a junior. Academically, this was the worst year of high school yet.

I located the right classroom easily; the school was a basic square and had only a dozen rooms or so. As I entered, I made a beeline for the teacher’s desk and set my slip down for him to sign. He looked up at me from whatever he was typing on his computer.

“You must be Iz Swan,” he tutted, looking me up and down. The way he said _Iz_ sounded like there were quotation marks around it. Like it wasn’t real.

I stared back at him and said nothing. He let out an indignant “Hmph,” and signed my paper. I reached out to snatch it from him before he could give me back to me.

“You better watch your attitude,” he said in a low voice. Great, off to a great start.

I turned around without a word and shuffled to a seat at the very back of the room. Hopefully it wasn’t taken. I was started to fret about what it would be like for someone to come in and make me get up to change seats when the person sitting next me leaned over and touched my arm.

“Hi! I’m Jessica Stanley, she her pronouns.”

I turned my head to look and noticed a brunette with thick, curly hair who had a similar skin tone as mine. She looked way too eager, her smile plastered on disingenuously.

“Hey, I’m Iz Swan,” I murmured, not really wanting conversation. I just wanted to get through the day as under the radar as possible.

“Your pronouns?” she quipped. I raised my eyebrows at her, thinking she was way too bubbly this early in the morning and with a stranger.

“Uh, they them,” I replied.

“That’s so cool,” she gushed. For some reason, I started to feel like an exhibit.

“You should join our school's GSA club! We don't have any trans people yet,” she told me animatedly.

I blinked slowly at her, somewhat in disbelief. Luckily, the teacher started his lesson. Before I knew it though, the bell was ringing, and I was studying my schedule to ensure I was getting to the next class.

“Wait!” I heard Jessica call out from behind me. I rolled my eyes before turning to face her.

“Let me walk you to your next class,” she said with excitement.

“Um, okay. Sure,” I stated, confused as to why she was paying so much attention to me.

“You’re going to love it here at Forks. It’s a small school, but everyone here is really nice and really close. I’ve never met a trans person before.”

She whispered the word _trans_. I sighed. I knew Jessica meant well. But my nerves were frayed, and I was running short on fucks to give.

I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to whisper that you know. It’s not like it’s some huge, shameful secret,” I said with a snort. I’m sure word had gotten around, with Charlie being the chief of police and all. And it’s not like I passed as any one gender. That was the whole point.

Jessica’s eyes widened. “Oh I know, I didn’t mean, it’s not that at all, I just didn’t—” she started to stammer with a panic.

“Hey, it’s alright okay? Can you just like not make it a huge deal?” I was starting to feel a little bad for her, which I hated.

“Right, of course. I’m sorry,” she let out with relief. She started to ramble on about some dance coming up soon, although with much less zeal.

The next two classes passed by without incident. No one else paid me direct attention like Jessica. It was just the usual stares, whispers, and occasional sniggers. I wished the whole day would continue like it had. I didn’t want to deal with talking to anyone else.

Unfortunately, Jessica was waiting outside my classroom door when the bell rang for lunch.

“Come sit with me and my friends!” she exclaimed. Her fervor was back and it irritated me. Still, sitting with her would make me stick out less than if I were to sit alone.

As we made our way through the cafeteria line, a pale blonde boy a bit taller than me walked up to us.

“Mike,” Jessica said when she saw him. I couldn’t help but notice the wistfulness in her voice.

“This is my new friend Iz Swan.” I looked at her when she said the word friend.

“Hey Iz, nice to meet you, I’m Mike Newton,” he smiled, a bit too close to me for my comfort. I didn’t like the look he kept giving me.

“Hey,” I responded quietly.

“Are you going to sit with us?” Mike wondered eagerly.

“Of course they are!” Jessica squealed. I just sighed and followed them to a large, circular table. As I sat down, I noticed five more people already seated.

“So,” Jessica started, clapping her hands and full of giddiness. What was she on?

“I’ll do the introductions. Iz, this is Ben Cheney, he him, Angela Weber, she her, Lauren Mallory, she her, Tyler Crowley, he him, and Eric Yorkie, he him. Everyone, this Iz Swan, they them.” When she finished, she was beaming, evidently very proud and pleased with herself.

Everyone said their hellos. They all seemed fairly nice and agreeable, except for Lauren. She was staring at me with an angry expression on her face. Thankfully, the group started talking about something, and I hoped I could get some peace and fade to the background as I ate my sandwich.

Lost in my own thoughts, I jumped when I heard Lauren say my name.

“So Iz…are you a boy or a girl? Like, pick a gender,” she all but snarled. Her voice was dripping with condescension. Internally, I bristled. What a fucking bitch.

“Why do you care? Are you interested?” I deadpanned. She scoffed, and I got up to leave.

Jessica, Mike, and Tyler chastised Lauren, appalled at what she said. Ben and Eric looked like they didn't care either way. The girl named Angela encouraged me to stay.

“I’m fine, I’m just going to go outside and get some fresh air.” I got up to throw away my food and ignored the calls and protests of the group. Once I tossed everything in the trash and exited the cafeteria door that lead directly outside, I heard footsteps behind me, scurrying to catch up.

“Iz, are you okay?” I heard Mike ask. I just wanted to be alone.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” was my terse response. I leaned up against the brick wall and looked up at the sky. I wished the sun would come out.

I could feel Mike standing right by me, looking at me. He was way too close again.

“I’m sorry for what Lauren said,” he stated softly. I turned to look at him. He seemed sincere.

“It’s okay, I’m used to bullshit like that,” I replied.

“I figured. It’s still fucked though,” he retorted. I sighed. We were quiet for a moment.

“You know, I’m bisexual,” Mike quietly spoke. I turned to look at him in surprise. I honestly would have never guessed that about him. Why was he telling me about his sexuality?

“I guess you’ve gone through some similar things,” I surmised.

Mike looked lost for a second. “Er, yeah. That’s not what I meant though.” Now I was lost. I waited for him to explain.

“I like all genders. I’m attracted to any kind of gender.” He looked at me, too intensely I thought.

I have no clue why I felt compelled to let him know that it was the same for me. “I like all genders too.” His face brightened at my words. Oh no. Thankfully the bell rang.

“What’s your next class?” Mike excitedly questioned.

“Bio,” I grumbled.

“Me too! I can walk you there,” he grinned. I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh.

As he chatted on and on, we finally made it to the classroom. After getting my slipped signed, I walked over to the only lab table with an empty seat. I looked up to see the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on.


	3. Edward Cullen

I wasn't sure how long I stood there before I sat down. I was absolutely awestruck at the person beside me. I had never seen a more attractive person in my life.

“Hey, I’m Iz Swan,” I blurted out. It was so unlike me to initiate conversation, and yet I had just introduced myself.

“Edward Cullen,” was the curt reply I received. Edward. I was memorized by such a lovely voice, such a lovely face, that it wasn’t until a few minutes had passed that I realized the murderous scowl coming straight at me from Edward. I recoiled, unsure of what prompted such hostility. I quickly averted my gaze and stared down at my lap.

As Mike passed me by on the way to his seat, I heard him say, “Damn, what’s his problem?” to Tyler. Okay, so I’m not imagining the pure hatred radiating out of his entire demeanor. What had I done to piss him off? The biology teacher, Mr. Banner I think, started in on his lecture. I pulled out my notebook and started to write down what was on the board.

Everyone once in a while throughout class, I would look up at Edward to see if he was still enraged. And every single time, he looked like he was racked with pain and anger. He was resting his chin in his hands, with his elbows propped on the table, and his eyes squeezed shut. I could tell he was frowning, and his entire body looked tense. And although I studied him to try and assess what the hell was going on, I also couldn’t help but notice how incredibly gorgeous he was. He looked like he could be on the cover of Vogue. I hadn’t seen him standing yet, but he looked tall. His arms and legs were quite long, and muscular too. His features were angular, masculine—if you want to call it that. I didn’t remember the color of his eyes at that moment, but his hair was red, shorter than mine, but still long enough to be tousled and unruly as it was.

I must have stared for too long this time because his head snapped up in my direction all of a sudden. Okay, his eyes were dark, so dark that I couldn’t see his pupils. And they were full of rage at the moment. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt scared and unsafe. His whole posture was threatening. I couldn’t believe I was the source of all his fury. Maybe he had just received some horrible news? He could just be having a really bad day.

Mr. Banner clapped his hands just then to get everyone’s attention. Apparently, we were doing a lab exercise today, with our lab partners. I started to feel sick with nerves and had a prickly sensation run throughout my body at the thought of working directly with Edward.

After Mr. Banner had set up all the necessary materials, it was time to start. Edward and I just stared at each other. Okay I was staring, and Edward was glowering.

“Well, aren’t you going to fucking start?” he hissed. Wow. It felt like I had just been slapped in the face.

“What the fuck is your problem asshole?” I snapped back. My fear had turned to indignation. Who the hell does he think he is?

“You are my problem.” His voice was full of malice.

“I just met you! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I almost shouted. It was hard to keep my voice down the more upset I became. I also didn’t want to draw any attention to us. I could see Mike glancing at us with a worried expression on his face in my peripheral vision.

“It’s what you are,” he seethed. And then suddenly it hit me. I honestly was not expecting this degree of aggression. It was a very rare thing when I encountered someone at this level of hate. It usually never escalated past the experiences similar to Lauren at lunch. Maybe a few slurs thrown my way. But this amount of belligerence was not typical for me.

Of course I had experienced it a few times. People have perceived me as gay man before and threatened to beat my faggot ass. There was one time I was ambushed in middle school by two girls; a coach intervened before it got too physical, but I knew what they had in store for me. I tried not to walk alone at night and was mindful of my surroundings.

The loathing emanating from Edward made me fearful of my safety. Did he want to hurt me? Because I was nonbinary? I abruptly shoved my things into my book bag and ran out the classroom. I heard someone calling for me but kept running through the empty hallways out the entrance of the school.

I wasn’t running away from Edward. I didn’t think he would attack me right then and there. I also didn’t believe he would chase me down. I just couldn’t stand being in such proximity to someone who despised me that much. It hurt me. It scared me. I actually felt a few tears well up in my eyes. This day had gone to absolute shit.

I sat down on bench near the parking lot. Part of me wanted to hop in my truck and just go home. But I had one class left. And I had to get the stupid fucking slip signed and turned back in. The sigh I let out this time turned into a sob.

“Are you okay?” I heard a musical voice inquire.

I looked up to see brown skin and beautiful long locks on a very thin, wiry frame. The stunning gorgeousness of the speaker took my breath away, reminding me of Edward.

I was too overwhelmed with feeling to say anything. I just stared.

“I’m Alice Cullen,” the lovely person smiled. My face fell instantly.

“Your Edward’s…,” my voice trailed off. Were they related?

“Sister, yes!” she glowed, but then stopped when she noticed my mood.

“What's wrong?” Alice wondered.

“He’s in my biology class, the class I’m in right now, but I had to…” Before I knew, I burst into tears. I had no drive left to be strong. I thought I could get through the day without breaking down but I didn’t care anymore. I had given up on trying to be resilient.

Alice instantly sat down and circled her arms around me. I was shocked at such a forward embrace, but the caring touch felt too good to protest. I hadn’t realized how in need of comfort I was. I continued crying with Alice there, holding me close. After a while I shivered, feeling very cold. The weather was another reminder of how much I had to get used to in living here.

She pulled away and looked at me. “What happened?” she asked with concern.

All of a sudden, I felt angry again.

“Your fucking brother! He’s a transphobic asshole,” I replied louder than I intended.

Alice got a really intense look on her beautiful face, but I couldn’t quite read what it was.

“That’s impossible,” stated flatly. Her expression was skeptical, I think. She was hard to read.

Her answer caught me off guard. What if she was like him?

“How can you be so sure?” I challenged.

“Because,” she giggled. “I’m a trans girl.” My eyes widened with shock. It wasn’t because Alice was trans—although I hadn’t expected that I would meet any openly out trans kids at a school this small. I didn’t even let myself hope.

There were a few other openly nonbinary students at my school in Phoenix. I knew of one trans girl and two trans boys as well. I was sort of friends with one of the trans boys. We hung out a few times and would text every now and then. So I wasn’t going to hold my breath for much gender diversity at Forks High.

But here Alice was, smiling and seemingly upset that I wrote her brother off so quickly. No, I wasn’t shocked she was trans, I was dumbfounded at Edward’s reaction to me. I could not fathom one thing about me, other than my gender, that would make Edward hate me so much just from meeting me.

It took me a few moments to become aware that Alice had been talking to me all this time.

“…so you see, Edward has always been very validating and accepting of me. He’s actually one of the most affirming people in my life when it comes to my gender, aside from Jasper—that’s my boyfriend,” she mused dreamily. She seemed to shake herself out of her daze and looked at me pointedly.

“Even Carlisle and Esme, our parents, didn’t really get it at first. But Edward has always been super supportive and on my side about everything,” she stated with conviction.

“Then…why was Edward so angry at me?” I pondered out loud. I still couldn’t think of what would merit that intense of reaction.

“He looked like he wanted to kill me,” I added, this time directly to Alice. Her face blanched, and it seemed like something clicked for her in mind.

“I’m not sure,” she piped. “Maybe something happened in one of his other classes?”

“I guess…” I said, unconvinced.

“Look,” Alice began. “Edward has…a troubled past. He can be really moody sometimes. And he has a bad temper. I’m not making excuses for him—it sounds like he was incredibly rude and disrespectful to you. That’s not okay. What I’m trying to make you see is that his reaction had nothing to do with you, like who you are as person,” she finished.

I didn’t know what to think anymore. I was starting not to care; I could feel myself going numb from fatigue of being on edge all day.

Something else felt off for me though. “Wait, you and Edward are brother and sister? Then how…”

“You mean why is he White and why am I Black? We’re adopted,” she laughed. “We have an older brother Emmett who is adopted too.”

Oh. I felt stupid for not realizing such an obvious explanation. But the more I thought about it, the more I put my finger on what felt off—it wasn’t that they were different races. It was that they still looked related despite having completely different features and skin tones. I wasn’t sure how to describe it. They both looked hard and angular. Their features were sharp. Their eye color was the same. They both possessed the same level of inhuman beauty. But they also looked nothing alike. Before I could really put my thoughts together, the bell rang. 

“Give me your phone,” Alice instructed. I raised my eyebrow.

“To save my number in it,” she clarified with a tone hinting that I should have known that.

“Er, okay,” I replied, after unlocking and handing it to her. Students started to trickle out around us. I looked around and saw Mike heading my way. Great.

Alice handed me my phone back. “Feel free to text me if you ever want someone to talk to or hang out with! And I’m not saying you have to, but if Edward owns up to his shitty behavior, I hope you give him a chance.”

Before I knew it, she had vanished. I didn’t even see what direction she went.

At this point, Mike jogged over to me.

“Iz!” he cried. After he caught up to me, he pressed, “Are you okay? What happened between you and Cullen? He looked like he was on rampage.”

Again, it was a slight relief to know I hadn’t made the whole thing up in my head.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was nothing, just a misunderstanding,” I mumbled. Mike looked like he didn’t buy my explanation for a second, but he didn’t push for more.

“Was that Alice Cullen you were talking to?” I was grateful that he changed the subject.

“Yeah, I don’t know what she was doing out here, but we were just sitting and talking. Are you two friends?”

Mike laughed. “With the Cullens? No. They keep to themselves. So do the Hales.”

“What do you mean? Who are the Hales?” I was annoyed at how curious I was about these people. Why should I care so much?

As we walked to my last class, gym unfortunately, Mike explained that Emmett, Edward, and Alice had moved here from Alaska a few years ago. He said they were really quiet and never really interacted with anyone except for each other. Emmett was a senior, and Edward and Alice were juniors. They had each been adopted by their parents from a different family. A about half a year later, the Hale brothers—Jasper and Royal—moved to town. The older brother Royal was young but old enough to be the adult legal guardian of his younger brother Jasper, who was also a junior. Just the two of them lived together, as all of their relatives had died. Apparently, Royal was dating Emmett and Jasper was dating Alice.

“What do you mean they don’t associate with anyone else except each other?” I persisted. I didn’t understand this strange story. Frankly, it sounded made up.

Mike shrugged his shoulders, looking past me to the entrance of the gym. “I don’t know Iz, they never talk to anyone else. They’re not assholes or anything, they just keep to themselves, sit at their own table, only hang out with each other…I don’t know why. Why don’t you go ask them?” he teased.

The bell rang, signaling that it was time for gym. “See you later!” Mike ran off before I had a chance to ask any follow up questions.

Right. Gym. Luckily, the school had arranged to make me an aide rather than participate in gym. Which was just fine with me. I would rather be a teaching assistant to the coach than get harassed in the girls’ or boys’ locker room. There were a few jeers from the other students in the class as set up the equipment for that day’s lesson, but overall gym went smoothly. After the school day was over, I headed to the office and practically threw the damned slip at Mrs. Cope, who was too busy to notice.

Charlie wasn’t home when I opened the door to the old house. I was relieved. I didn’t think I could take anymore forced conversation for today.

Once I changed into sweats, I laid down on my bed to text my mom. It seemed easier than calling right now, and I bet she was dying to know how my first day went. After few messages back and forth, she seemed satisfied. I put my phone on my nightstand to charge and began looking through my still packed bags. I got out my tablet and started to read a book I was trying to finish.

Before my entire life fell apart moving to Forks, I had been engrossed in learning more about queer theory from an Indigenous perspective. But I found myself re-reading the same paragraph over and over. All I could think about was Edward.

Resigned, I set the tablet aside. I pressed my palms to my eye sockets. I had a headache coming on. Fuck Edward for making me feel this way. I decided I would confront him tomorrow. I would demand to know what his problem was. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let anyone treat me this way.


	4. The Confrontation

My entire second day had been an absolute blur. My impending confrontation with Edward consumed my thoughts. I was so in my head that everyone around me had to repeat what they said to me several times before it registered. I sensed that Jessica was really curious what was going on for me, and Mike was just annoyingly worried. I don’t think the others noticed, although Angela did ask me if I was alright at lunch. I wished I could be left alone. I needed to focus my energy on biology class.

I must have silently rehearsed my prepared speech about a dozen times now. I didn’t want to lose my nerve, and I didn’t want my anxiety to make me freeze or stumble over my words. Although I was determined, it didn’t stop the feeling of dread that pooled in the pit of my stomach. It felt heavy, like stone. I just needed to get it over with so I could move forward.

All too soon but not fast enough, it was time for the reckoning. I could feel myself shaking. I didn’t know what to expect from Edward. Luck was on my side when I saw him standing outside of the classroom. Good, I wouldn’t have to do this in front of the entire class. Unfortunately, I would have a small audience as he was talking to two large people—it had to be Emmett and Jasper. I remembered that Royal had already graduated high school. The weird thought popped back into my head from yesterday. Why do they all look alike, but don’t?

Emmett was extremely tall. He was probably the tallest person I’ve ever seen. He had medium toned skin—darker than Edward’s but lighter than Alice’s. He had almond shaped eyes and a wide nose with full lips. His hair was jet black, short, and straight. I then realized Emmett was probably the buffest guy I had ever seen too. His muscles were massive.

Jasper was pale like Edward, but blonde and lanky. He was a bit shorter than Edward and had tight curls that went to his shoulders. It was pulled back into a low ponytail. They were all so exquisitely handsome. I almost chickened out. They were so attractive it was intimidating. But I steeled my resolve and pushed forward.

I took a deep breath and walked right up to the group. Edward’s back was facing me, as he was chatting with Emmett and Jasper. Jasper looked upset and seemed like he was arguing with Edward. Emmett looked bored but was the first to notice me. A smirk appeared on his face, which I thought was strange.

I reached out and grabbed Edward’s wrist, pulling hard so that he would turn around and face me. It looked like it really took him by surprise; he spun around suddenly. I wasn’t sure if it was from the force of jerking his arm or just the reaction to my touch, but I was eye to lip with him in a split second.

Several things happened at once. First, I was aware of how icy cold his skin was where I snatched his wrist. That was weird. How the hell was he that cold when were inside?

Second, I was instantly mesmerized by his lips. I wanted to touch them. I wanted to feel them against my skin. I was astounded and also frustrated at my sudden horniness. Why now of all times?

Third, I looked up into his eyes and saw none of the cruelty from yesterday. It took my breath away to see such a striking change. His eyes were soft, remorseful even. It was completely disarming. 

“Iz,” he breathed. Oh my god. Hearing him say my name did wonderful things to my body. But I had to snap out of this spell he had on me. It looked like he was going to say more, so I started in on my lines.

“Stop,” I growled. “You listen to me Edward Cullen. I don’t know what the hell happened yesterday that could make you hate me so much. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. You were completely out of line coming at me like that. You don’t even know me enough to hate me. Most people have the basic decency to get to know me first before they write me off. I don’t know what your problem is with people outside the gender norms of man and woman, but fuck off with your attitude.”

Shit. Those were not the lines. By the end of my off script tirade, I was fuming. The anxiety and reliving the moment from yesterday fueled my anger.

“We’re, we’re just going to head out,” Emmett said from behind Edward. He quickly ushered Jasper out of the hallway who was looking at me like I had grown another head.

When my eyes landed back on Edward’s, the softness was gone. It wasn’t the unbridled rage from yesterday by any means, but I could tell he was furious now. Good.

“You think…,” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed like it hurt for him to breathe.

“You think that I hate you because you’re nonbinary?” Although his question was much calmer than my outburst, I could tell he was holding back his wrath. 

“Why else would you have looked at me like I was the most disgusting person you had ever seen? I said three fucking words to you,” I shot back. I was dangerously close to tearing up. No, this was not going to plan at all. This was not the scenario I had been envisioning in my head all day.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous,” he shouted at me. Well so much for holding back the wrath.

“Don’t fucking yell at me!” I said with a raised voice, although I was practically shouting too.

Edward spun around, his back to me now, and took a few steps, muttering under his breath. I thought he was walking away from our conversation, but I wasn't done with him. I started to follow him, but then suddenly he turned around to walk back to me. We ended up being uncomfortably close to each other. Our faces, although he was a few inches taller than me, were almost touching.

I got really dizzy all of sudden. He smelled amazing. I was lost in his eyes. I was aware that I kept looking down at his lips and back up to his eyes, several times. I wanted to kiss him.

But he immediately backed away. Once there was more physical distance between us, I snapped out of the trance I was in. Damn it, why do I have be attracted to him of all people? 

His face softened again. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking around. I looked around too and saw we had attracted quite a crowd. I was suddenly very embarrassed.

“Look Iz,” the harshness was gone from his voice. “I’m really sorry about yesterday. You are right, that was completely uncalled for. It was atrocious behavior on my part. But can we talk about this privately? We seem to have an audience,” he added, looking around again.

I wasn’t sure what to think anymore. I was tired again. “Okay,” I murmured.

“Can we, can we skip biology? Can we go talk somewhere now?” I pleaded. I didn’t know why I was imposing myself on him like this, but I knew I couldn’t bear to sit though biology with all this unresolved tension.

He looked stunned, but quickly replied, “Yes. Do you want to go sit in my car?” I nodded.

Edward started to walk towards the parking lot, and I followed. Luckily, most people had gone into their classrooms by now, so not many people saw us leave.

It was fucking cold when we got outside, and I hurried over to the silver Volvo where he was headed. We both opened the doors on opposite sides and slid inside at the same time.

As he turned on the car and cranked up the heat, I was aware that it smelled like him. I inhaled the scent greedily. He noticed my deep breath and looked over at me.

“What kind of music do you like?” he asked quietly. I was taken aback by his question. It seemed so silly after everything that had transpired between us.

“I don’t know, I like everything,” I mumbled, feeling self-conscious.

“Who have you been listening to lately?”

“Uh, Janelle Monae?”

He smiled. “I like her.” The way he said that made me irrationally jealous. What the fuck is happening to me?

As he was scrolling through her songs on his phone, I became impatient and blurted out, “So what was your deal yesterday then?”

He chuckled and started playing one of my favorites actually. Edward took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose with his index and thumb finger. It seemed like a behavior he did often.

“Why would you think I’m not okay with you being nonbinary?”

“You’re not answering my question. I asked you first.”

He looked over at me, his eyes intense. With what, I don’t know.

“Didn’t you talk to Alice yesterday?”

I blinked a few times, confused. “Yeah, why?”

“If I support Alice unconditionally, why would I not be okay you?” His eyes looked desperate and hurt now. I had just noticed how close our faces were once again. However, he was in the driver seat. I was practically leaning over the console at this point. Aware of myself, I pulled back over to the passenger seat.

“I guess…because Alice is a girl. I thought maybe, maybe you were only okay with trans people that fit the binary. Like trans people who try to pass, you know?” My hands did air quotes on the phrase _pass_ as I spoke.

I had met my fair share of trans people that flat out said being nonbinary wasn’t even real. If there were times I wasn’t even accepted in my own community, I couldn’t even begin to explain my gender identity to the majority of cispeople.

“I mean look at me,” I continued as my voice had taken on a somber tone. 

“I am looking at you,” Edward answered, so softly that it was almost a whisper.

I looked at from my hands at that point and met his eyes, which were intense with a different emotion now. I still didn’t know what though.

“Iz, I’m so sorry,” he started. “I can’t even begin to imagine how you must have felt.” He seemed very sincere as he spoke.

“I can’t…I can’t really go into what my reaction was about yesterday,” he said with a resigned voice.

“What?” I interjected. I was getting mad again. “I thought you said you wanted to talk about everything! Why aren’t you giving me any answers?” I was sick of this game it felt like we were playing.

Exasperated, he gripped his steering wheel. “I can’t tell you. I want to, but I can’t. I’m…not allowed.” He looked like he was pleading with me to understand. I didn’t.

“That doesn’t make any sense to me Edward.” I started to get out of the car.

“Wait!” he all but shouted. “Please wait.” I stilled my movements.

“Iz…have you ever noticed anything…different about my family? About the Hales?” For some reason everything started to feel really eerie.

“Yes,” I responded in a small voice. My heart started beating really fast.

“What have you noticed?”

I cleared my throat. “Um, your skin is really cold. Alice too. You all look alike…but you don’t look alike. And the way you move, I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s off. It looks forced. And too fast and sudden, like jerky…and your family’s story makes no sense at all. The whole thing is just weird.” Oh my god. I sounded like an idiot.

But to my surprise, he peered over at me and smiled. “Perceptive.”

“Iz, we look different because we are,” he sighed. “I really wish I could tell you more. And I wish I could tell you why I can’t tell you,” he chuckled.

“But just know that you are one hundred percent valid. Your gender identity is a sacred and precious part of who you are. I have nothing but the upmost respect for you and the way you choose to express yourself. It’s admirable, going outside the bounds of society, even if what society says is normal is completely arbitrary.”

I was floored. I had not expected the conversation to go this way at all. Still, I was not satisfied. I let out a big sigh.

“Do you, do you think you could tell me one day what made you want to hate me so much?” I felt my voice catch in my throat. It still hurt to think about yesterday.

“It wasn’t you I hated. It was me. I hated myself for what I was thinking and feeling,” he gripped tightened on the steering wheel as he spoke. “I hope you can forgive me for putting you through that. And yes, one day I hope to tell you everything,” he looked over at me expectantly.

I got the feeling that he knew more than I did, not just about the Cullens and Hales, but about him and me too. It was weird.

Although we were in the parking lot, I heard the bell ring for the start of last period. I groaned.

“What is it?” Edward asked. I could be mistaken, but I thought I heard a twinge of worry in his voice.

“Gym. I don’t want to go,” I moaned, perhaps a tad overdramatic. Edward looked relieved and then laughed. “I’m too exhausted. I just want to go home. I’ve been terrified of facing you all today and my energy is wiped.”

Edward frowned. He looked ashamed, I think. I felt bad.

“I forgive you though,” I added. He smiled a little when I said that.

“I can take you home,” he offered.

“What about my truck?” I objected.

“Alice can drive it home for you. Let me text her really quick.”

“I feel like this is too much trouble for everyone to go through—,” we were suddenly interrupted by Alice tapping on my passenger window. I screamed. 

“Sorry!” she said with a smile as Edward rolled down my window. She held out her hand to me. I raised an eyebrow at her.

“Your key?” Alice chided with the same tone as yesterday, as if to say keep up. I looked at her and then back at Edward. I sighed as I dug the key out from my pockets.

“You’re welcome!” she called out as she walked back towards the school. I’m not sure if it was to me or Edward.

Edward laughed at something as he rolled up the window and started driving.

“Do you need directions?” I wondered.

“No, everyone knows where Chief Swan lives.” I don’t know why, but this fact embarrassed me.

“So what brings you to Forks?” Edward probed.

“Oh, you want to hear about me but I don’t get to know anything about you?” I retorted, somewhat annoyed.

He frowned. “What do you want to know about me?” I opened my mouth. “Besides what happened yesterday and what is different about my family and the Hales,” he said quickly. I closed my mouth.

It was silent for a few moments.

“Where are you from, like before Alaska?” I figured that was an easy one to start with.

“Chicago.”

“What happened to your parents?” I hoped that question was too bold or insensitive.

“They died a long time ago.” Shit. Now I felt like an ass.

“I’m sorry,” I said with regret.

“It’s okay, I don’t really remember them. Esme and Carlisle have been my mom and dad ever since I remember.”

“And your brother and sister?”

“Emmett was adopted a little bit after me. Alice is the most recent addition to our family. As for their back stories, that’s their business to tell, not mine.”

Fair enough I thought to myself.

“And you?” he mentioned again. “What are you doing in Forks?”

“I came to live with Charlie, I mean my dad.”

“Why now?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I’m sure I can keep up,” he replied with a smile.

I explained the whole Renee and Phil situation as vaguely as I could. I didn’t want to get into too much because I was on the verge of another emotional breakdown. The past three days had been a roller coaster.

“Your extremely courageous, you know that Iz?”

I considered his statement for a moment. “I guess,” was my only response.

We arrived at my house, too soon for my liking. I found myself wanting to spend more time with Edward.

“Would you like a ride to school tomorrow?” he asked tentatively.

I humiliated myself by loudly saying _yes_ before he could even finish the sentence. He laughed and I saw a spark in his eyes.

“See you soon,” he said. I smiled at him, completely dazzled and absent minded. I opened my door and walked up to the house. I turned around to say bye again, already missing his presence. What was going on here?


	5. New Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to stay in canon but felt conflicted about using the Quileute tribe as a plot point. Smeyer did them so dirty. Please consider donating to the Move to Higher Ground movement. The Quileute's reservation is in a tsunami zone. This organization's mission is to secure the future of the Quileute tribe by moving the at-risk community to a safer place where their culture and heritage can continue to thrive for generations to come. Please visit their website mthg.org to learn more ways to help.

As I walked inside, still dazed by my encounter with Edward, I opened the fridge to appraise any dinner possibilities. Charlie and I had been eating a lot of take out lately.

There was some eggs and veggies, so I decided to make an omelet. That much I could manage. As I assembled the ingredients and began chopping, I started to think more about what Edward said about his family and how it could have anything to do with his reaction towards me yesterday.

Yesterday. Was it really just over twenty four hours ago? So much had changed since then. It seemed that Edward and I were…friends. I didn’t like the way that sounded. If I was being perfectly honest with myself, I wanted more. I barely knew the guy though. My crush was based mostly on physical attraction.

Although we did have similar taste in music. And he seemed passionate about his values. And he was supportive of me. I could still hear his words of encouragement in my head about my gender and my courage. Perhaps Edward and I could be more than friends one day. I think I really wanted that.

But what was with his family? He said they were different. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what that meant.

Charlie coming home interrupted my thoughts.

“Hey kiddo,” he called out.

“Hi,” I said. Something must have sounded different in my voice because Charlie shot a glance in my direction.

“How was school today?” he pressed. I could tell he sensed something was going on.

“Better actually. Breakfast for dinner okay?” I tried to sound casual.

“Iz, anything you cook is okay with me. I’m sorry for all the fast food lately,” he rubbed his neck and looked sheepish.

“It’s alright Dad. I don’t mind.”

Charlie brushed past me to get a beer from the fridge. He sat down at the table, cracked the can open, and started scrolling on his phone. To my surprise, the silence was comfortable. But I was on mission. I put down the knife and turned around to look at Charlie.

“Hey Dad, do you know the Cullens and the Hales?” I asked, hopeful that I sounded nonchalant.

“The Cullens? Of course. I don’t know much about Hales, but the Cullens are a great family. Dr. Cullen is the best doctor Forks Hospital has ever had. His wife Esme is really nice, and their kids…Emmett, Alice, and…”

“Edward,” I said softly.

“Yeah, Edward,” Charlie looked up at me with inquisitive eyes but kept talking. “They’re great kids. The Hales seem nice enough too, although I don’t know much about them other than they are brothers with no other family.”

“Yeah, I’m friends with Alice and Edward I think,” At least I hoped the feeling was mutual.

“That’s great Iz! Glad to hear you’re making friends. Anyone else I should know about?”

“Jessica Stanley seems alright. So does Angela Weber,” Charlie nodded in assent, seemingly pleased with the company I kept so far.

“Actually…Edward is giving me a ride to school tomorrow,” I turned back around to keep chopping and cringed. I hoped that Charlie wouldn’t make a huge fuss about it.

“Oh…well that’s nice.” I could tell he wanted to ask more, but he didn’t. I sighed with relief.

I didn’t know how to ask this next question without sounding bizarre. “So…has anyone ever said anything weird about the Cullens?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I think Edward and Alice are great, but I’ve heard some things about them.”

Charlie abruptly set down his can which startled me. I spun around, confused. I had never seen him so frustrated before.

“Goddamn it, the people in this town are something else,” he huffed out. “They should be grateful such a talented doctor like Carlisle would come to such a small town. What did you hear?”

I was a bit stunned, but it felt like I was onto something. “Just that…they’re kind of weird, like different. Off somehow.”

Charlie let out a grunt. “It’s the damn rumors from the reservation.”

“Excuse me?”

“Now I understand the cultural significance of the Quileute legends. It’s important for Native people to learn about their indigeneity. But some punk kid named Sam Uley started this outrageous rumor about how the Cullens are these creatures called the cold ones. It isn't even part of the actual Quileute legends! But it spooked enough people that it caught on, and you know how people gossip in small towns.”

I blanched. Yes, I knew that all too well. “The cold ones?” I probed.

“Iz, it’s nothing! It’s just some made up rumor. A bunch of bored teenagers stretched and exaggerated the stories for attention.” He took another sip of his beer and went back to his phone. I could tell that was the end of the conversation.

I felt that same eerie feeling come over me from earlier. The cold ones. I would have to check that out more.

Dinner was okay. I wasn’t a chef in the making, but the food was decent. After we cleaned up the kitchen, I said goodnight to Charlie and headed up to my room. I had business to do.

I sent a few texts to Renee, and a happy birthday to Phil, before looking at my social media to find Jacob Black.

I wasn’t very active, but I had kept all my accounts in case I ever needed to contact anyone. I easily located Jacob and scrolled through his page. I couldn’t even remember when we had followed each other, or the last time I snooped through his profile. I was shocked to see how much older he looked. Although he was just two years younger than me, he looked much older than sixteen. I’d guess he was in his early 20s if I didn’t know him.

I know his page was just a small, carefully constructed image of his actual life, but he seemed happy. I could tell he had a close knit group of friends he hung out with often. And it looked like he enjoyed life on the reservation.

I was feeling very awkward initiating conversation to someone I didn't keep up with regularly, but I wanted to get to the bottom of this Cullen situation.

Nervous but determined, I sent him a message. _Jacob! Do you remember me?_ I hoped he was more active on his profile than I was.

Just a minute passed before he replied.

_Iz!!! Omg it’s been waaay too long! What the fuck is up my thude?_

_Lol you’re so corny. I’m good, just settling into Forks. Thanks for fixing up the truck! It runs pretty good considering how old it is. How have you been?_

_I’m glad you like it. It’s old but it’s solid. It definitely has a few more years left of life. Things are good! You should come chill on the rez sometime! La Push beach has the best swells._

_I definitely want to come visit soon. It has been way too long. How’s your dad? Your sisters?_

_They’re good. The whole fam is doing alright. How’s your mom?_

_She’s good, she just got married so she’s pretty happy._ I felt a pang in my chest at the mention of my mom.

_That’s awesome! Tell her I said congrats!!! Maybe I’ll come along the next time my dad wants to watch the game with Charlie. It would be cool to hang out with you._

_I’d love that! Please feel free to come over whenever you want_. I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of the Cullens.

_So do you know any of the kids at Forks High? I need to know who I can fuck with lol._

_Haha damn, I don’t really interact with anyone from Forks much. I only really know people from the rez school._

A minute passed. I didn’t know what else to say.

_WAIT, you know what? My friend Jared hooked up with this girl named Lauren Mallory. From what I hear, she’s a fucking bitch. Do you know her?_

Oh god.

 _Kind of, but not really. Anyone else I should stay away from? Anybody that’s got bad vibes?_ Come on Jacob, give me something.

 _Do you know the Cullens?_ My pulse quickened and I sat right up in my bed. Holy shit.

_Yeah, I’ve seen them. They’re kind of sus, what’s up with them?_

_Lol yeah no kidding. Idk, I’ve heard some really weird shit around the rez. But just take it with a grain of salt. People get bored here and start making shit up so they have something to talk about._

_Lol ok. Spill._

_Apparently they’re in some weird cult._ Okay, not what I was expecting, but whatever.

_What you do mean?_

_You know, like a cult. They do weird ritualistic shit. I heard they do weird shit with blood. Idk. They drink it to make themselves stay young forever. Who fucking knows! Half the things people say are full of shit anyway. So do you think you’ll be around this Saturday?_

Well it looked that was all I was going to get out of Jacob. I gave some vague, noncommittal answers about my plans. I really did want to hang out with him. I wasn’t up for it just yet though. It seemed like big promise to make right now. I didn’t know how good of a friend I could be when I was this out of sorts from the move and the Cullen situation.

Jacob and I talked about random things for a while after that. We exchanged numbers in hopes that we would see each other eventually. It was actually quite refreshing catching up with him. I genuinely enjoyed the conversation, even if I had an ulterior motive.

I sighed. Reconnecting with Jacob didn’t really solve my problem though. I pulled up my notes app and typed what I knew so far.

  * Cold ones
  * Blood drinkers
  * Stop aging
  * Icy skin
  * Odd features
  * Look like the same species (??)
  * Odd movements
  * Keep to themselves



I was completely clueless. I started googling random phrases and search terms. Down the rabbit hole I went, searching page after page. Around the ninth or tenth “O”, a word caught my eye that just sort of clicked something in place for me.

Vampire.

My stomach dropped. I was crazy. The stress and depression of moving and missing my mom fucked with my brain so much that I was delusional. That had to be the only reason I was even considering something so ludicrous.

But vampire made sense. It actually made a lot of sense. I set the phone down and stared up at the ceiling as I lay in my bed.

My head was spinning. I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t someone who completely discounted the idea of the supernatural. Was it likely? Probably not. But not impossible. I had often toyed with the idea of aliens, ghosts, and the afterlife. I liked reading and watching stories on the internet of paranormal encounters. 

But this was different. This was real. At least I think it was. If anything, I was wrong and could eliminate a possibility. And it gave me some pointed questions to ask Edward tomorrow.

Edward. I couldn’t wait to see him again. I looked at the time on my phone to see it was getting late. I didn’t know how I could possibly fall asleep tonight. Still, I took off my pants and slipped under the covers to try.


	6. The Almost Truth

I was absolutely exhausted but wide awake at 6am. My body was thrumming with anticipation at the thought of seeing Edward again. I could hardly stand it.

As I showered to get ready, I ran through the list of questions I had prepared in my head. I felt more confident about my suspicions the more I thought about the Cullens. It was starting to seem more and more plausible.

Because I was awake so early, I actually had some time to get ready. I wanted to play with my look a bit today. I blow dried my hair and decided to straighten it. I also lightly contoured my face and did my eyeliner. After feeling satisfied with my hair and makeup, I dug through my bag in search of the perfect outfit.

I settled on a white collared button down shirt with a navy sweater to wear over it. I added gray jeans and white sneakers. When it was all said and done, I went to look at myself in the mirror. The outfit was a bit more snug than my typical wardrobe, but I felt good about my body in these clothes. God, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it gets better, that I could actually like the way I look.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

 _Hey Iz, it’s Edward. I hope it’s okay that Alice gave me your number. I’m about ten minutes away_.

_Okay, see you soon._

My heart started racing. I sped down the stairs and almost bumped into Charlie, who was headed out the door.

“Woah, there. Take it easy,” he chuckled. “You look nice today,” he commented, eyeing my appearance.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, embarrassed.

“There’s still some cereal left,” Charlie stated.

“That’s okay, I’m not hungry. I’ll eat a big lunch at school.” There was no way I would be able to eat right now. I was vibrating with way too much energy.

“Alright. I work late tonight. Will you be okay on your own for dinner?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Be safe,” I advised.

“Always am,” he countered as he waved goodbye.

I watched the police cruiser drive away slowly out of my door’s peephole.

It wasn’t too much longer until I felt another buzz in my pocket. I kept my eye on the peephole until I saw the silver Volvo pulling into my driveway. I grabbed my jacket and hurried out the door.

I couldn’t wipe what was probably the stupidest looking grin off my face as I got into Edward’s car. I was grateful that it was so warm.

“Hi,” I beamed. I looked over at him, pleased to see that he was smiling as big as I was.

“Hi Iz. You look really good today. I mean, you always look good, but I like your hair and clothes and stuff.” He seemed nervous.

“Thanks,” I replied. “You look really good too. Always.” Edward chuckled as he pulled out of the driveway and headed out onto the main road.

“How was breakfast?” he asked.

“Er, I didn’t eat anything.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

“I was too excited to see you,” I admitted. I sounded dumb.

“We’re making a small detour then,” he asserted.

“What? Where?”

“You’ll see,” he smirked. Just a minute or two later, we pulled into a drive through coffee hut.

“What will you have? My treat,” Edward insisted, his eyes looking right at mine. I forgot to breathe for a second.

“Uh…,” I cleared my throat. All that was in my head at that moment was what it would be like to grab the side of his face and press my lips to his.

“Iz?” He sounded concerned. I blinked a few times, mortified yet again.

Well if it was his treat. “I’ll have a large, iced, oat milk latte. With lavender. And a blueberry muffin.”

“You want an _iced_ latte? It’s thirty-five degrees outside.” He quirked his eyebrows at me.

“Yes,” I deadpanned. He shook his head and smiled.

After Edward repeated my order to the employee, he pulled forward to pay. I observed he didn’t get anything for himself.

“Aren’t you going to eat something? Or at least get some coffee?” I accused.

He furrowed his brow for a moment. “I…already ate.” The way he phrased his response did not go unnoticed by me.

After we were back on our original route, I decided to push for more information.

“So what is your diet like?” I attempted to sound indifferent and took a bite of my muffin and a sip of my latte. They tasted heavenly.

Silence.

“Edward?” I looked over at him. He seemed upset.

“Why would you ask that question?” His brows were creased even more than before.

“I think it has something to do with how you and your family are different. And the Hales.” I was feeling bold today.

Edward quickly snapped his head and looked over to me. I could see his eyes start to panic.

“What are you thinking then?” he demanded. His intensity from yesterday had returned to full force. I guess this was a touchy subject.

“I think…you should keep your eyes on the road,” I snapped, genuinely nervous that he had not taken his eyes of me for the last ten or fifteen seconds. 

Edward scoffed and rolled his eyes. But he did turn his face forward. I stayed quiet eating my muffin.

“Well?” He sounded impatient.

“Well what?”

“Are you going to fucking tell me why you asked that particular question?” The way he went from charming to antagonistic in mere minutes was irritating as hell. Alice was not kidding when she called him moody and said he had a temper.

“Chill out Edward. Why are you so defensive? Your reaction tells me I’m on exactly the right track to figuring out your secret.” I was smug.

“And do you know what fuck could happen to you if the right people found out what you knew?” His hands were gripping the steering wheel again, his knuckles turning white.

“No, I actually don’t know because you won’t fucking tell me!” I yelled. I didn’t like that was yelling, but I was pissed off that he was so angry at me.

“Goddamn it Iz!” He shouted. We were parked at the school now, both of us breathing heavily out of anger. I was so mad that I wanted to cry.

“Why are you being so mean to me?” My voice broke towards the end. I sounded pathetic.

“You know what? Fuck this,” I spat as I started to get out of his stupid shiny Volvo.

“Iz wait,” he urged as he reached and grabbed my wrist. His skin was ice cold, of course, but the most delicious thrill ran through my entire body at his touch. Holy fuck. Was the effect he had over me a vampire thing?

“What?” I tried to keep the intensity of the anger I had felt moments ago, but I failed.

To my utter delight, he laced his fingers with mine and brought my hand to his lap. We were holding hands and I was melting inside. He leaned back on the head rest of his seat.

“I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I keep having to say sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.”

“Yeah, you said that before.” I sighed. He started to rub his thumb on the back of my hand. I think it was meant to be comforting but instead it sent my hormones into overdrive.

Determined not to let my lust distract me, I looked at him and pleaded, “If you’re angry at yourself, can you not lash out at me like that?”

He faced me then. “Oh, Iz.” Sadness settled across his perfect features.

“I’m sorry for lashing out at you. I’ll work on that. I need to do better.”

“Apology accepted. Now will you tell me what gets you so worked up when we talk about me knowing about you and your family?”

He let out a huge sigh. “I’m angry because I’ve inadvertently put you in danger. Twice now.” Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“It’s not safe for you to be around me. And it’s not safe for you to know the reason why. What I am is supposed to kept secret by my kind. We have rules that govern our existence. Very powerful…people of my kind enforce these rules and will kill anyone that breaks them.” He looked at me very seriously. I swallowed hard, suddenly frightened.

He groaned. “Even what I’ve just said to you could be grounds to have you killed.” He looked at me then, eyes wild with fear. “Whenever I’ve yelled, which is inexcusable, it was because I was terrified of losing you Iz. I don’t want anything to happen to you, especially because of me. And my family, god I’ve put my family in danger too. They would kill all of us if they knew.”

He took his hand from mine, much to my dismay, and buried his face in his hands. He looked almost as intense as when I first saw him, but instead of fury, he was drowning in anguish. I wanted so badly to comfort him. So I did.

I slowly and cautiously reached over to put my arm over his shoulder. It was a little awkward because I was about three inches shorter than him, and his shoulders were fairly broad, but I managed. I was most relieved that he let me. In fact, he was leaning into me now, sort of resting his head on mine.

“Hey, I know I don’t know the full story, but it sounds like most of this is outside your control. I mean, what if some other person figured it out? How would that be any different?” It didn’t make sense—the Cullens and Hales were so obviously something else that I’m sure others had been curious and investigated like I had.

“We’re supposed to leave,” he muttered. “It’s part of the rules. If anyone even suspects, we pack up and move. But I’m the most selfish fucking person I know,” he said with disgust.

“The moment I reacted so outrageously towards you, I tipped you off that we were different. And then when you confronted me, I had to tell you that it wasn’t because of your gender. I couldn’t bear to let you think that, although that was probably the smartest option. I’ve jeopardized the safety of you and my entire family. All because I can’t stay away from you.”

He circled his arms around my waist then, pulling me in tightly. I reflexively put my arms around his neck. I couldn’t believe Edward was hugging me. But instead of focusing on the pleasure it brought me, I was just content to provide him solace.

“I’m so stupid,” I whispered in his ear.

“Why?” he murmured back in mine.

“Because I’m really glad you didn’t leave. Even if it means we all die. I guess that makes me kind of selfish too.”

He let out a small laugh. It sounded sad. Edward gently released me, and I did the same. We were still close, face to face in his car. I just wanted to keep staring at him. He was so fucking beautiful. But I had more questions.

“Okay, so what you are is a secret and it’s dangerous for me to know because of these rules. But you said that was the second time you put me in danger on accident. What was the first time?”

His eyes suddenly looked panicked again. Unfortunately, the bell for first period rang. I groaned.

“I’ll tell you at lunch, okay?” His face was full of dread. God. It couldn’t be any worse than what he just shared, right?


	7. The Truth

I couldn’t believe that I was more anxious than my first day at Forks High. I didn’t think it was possible. But sitting through first, second, and third period was excruciating. I was in agony waiting to hear what Edward had to finish telling me.

I wished we could have continued our conversation in the car. And I wish that we had more alone time together. It seemed like I could never get enough of being around him.

I sighed as I glanced up at the clock in the classroom, counting down the minutes until the bell for lunch. It was making my torment much worse to watch the time, but I didn’t care.

The other part of my brain was trying to process what he already told me. I was in danger apparently. It scared me to think about my safety, and about Charlie’s safety too. I didn’t like the thought of the Cullens and Hales, more specifically Edward, being killed either. I believed every word Edward said. I didn’t see a reason he would make up such an outlandish story.

It was so stupid of me, but I honestly thought it was worth it. I would have rather met Edward and known about his family. I would still choose danger over never seeing him again. It was foolish how important he was to me now.

Another part of brain realized that I was very much on the right track in figuring out what the Cullens were. I was almost positive they were vampires, or some variant of that legend. Maybe they didn’t refer to themselves as vampires. But they weren’t human. They were superhuman I guess. Wow. Superhumans existed. I had to sit with that realization for a moment, because it was earthshattering when I really thought about it. What else was real that I used to think was a fairytale?

At last the bell rang for lunch, jolting me out of my thoughts. I was ecstatic to find Edward waiting for me at the door as I exited the classroom.

“Hi,” I greeted him, like an idiot.

He smiled, but it looked forced. “Can I walk you to lunch?” He was nervous again.

“Of course,” I assured. I didn’t know the reason behind is anxiety, but it made me uneasy.

Unfortunately, we received many stares and jeers as we approached the cafeteria and got in line for food. The new trans kid was friends with the weird loner freak. What a scandal in a town like Forks.

“Sorry for ruining your reputation,” I joked.

He let out a quiet laugh. “That’s okay, it wasn’t great to begin with.”

I eyed him skeptically as he began filling his tray with various items from the lunch line. Props I bet, to keep up the façade.

After we finished paying, we sat down at an empty table. But before either of us could start talking, Jessica and Mike walked over to us.

“So Iz, I see your sitting with Edward today,” Jessica stated in a patronizing tone.

“Um, yeah,” was all I said. I think she expected more of an explanation. Mike was giving Edward a dirty look.

“Well, have fun,” she sniffed.

“I’ll see you in biology Iz,” Mike added. He sounded glum but I wasn’t sure why.

“Okay,” I reluctantly replied. I wanted them gone so I could have my time with Edward. Luckily, they walked away back to the table with Angela, Ben, Tyler, and Lauren. I was grateful to not have to sit with them today. Angela, Ben, and Tyler seemed alright, but Jessica and Mike were really testing my patience. And Lauren was just Lauren. Fuck her.

“Mike has a crush on you,” Edward commented, breaking me out of reverie.

“What? How could you possibly know that?”

“First of all, it’s easy to see why anyone would like you that way.” I don’t know how to describe it, but the way he said it was flirtatious. It made my cheeks hot. Was Edward as attracted to me as I was to him?

“Second of all, it’s part of my…abilities.”

“You know I don’t have any idea what you mean. Does this have to do with the reason why it’s dangerous to be around you?”

Edward looked down at his tray of untouched food. “Why do you have to be so perceptive Iz?”

Secretly, I was pleased that I was figuring all of this out. But it seemed like Edward really didn’t want me to know what he was.

“What are you worried about? Besides my safety?”

“I’m afraid you’ll despise me after you know what I am,” he said in a small voice.

Nervous laughter bubbled up and escaped my lips without my consent. Edward looked at me questioningly.

“That would never happen. It’s preposterous.”

“How can you be so sure?” He leaned toward me from across the table, his eyes blazing with intensity.

Shit. Do I tell him?

“Because…I really like you. You’re important to me. It’s so weird that I’ve only known you three days. And I realize we’ve only had a handful of conversations. But all I want to do is talk to you and be around you. I think about you all the time.” I closed my eyes because I couldn’t bear to see his reaction. Although I had an inkling that he wanted something more than friendship, my self-doubt was in full force at the moment. What if I had just humiliated myself? Maybe he didn’t feel as strongly about us. Maybe my feelings were too much.

“Iz, look at me,” I heard him say. So I did.

Edward’s face was shining and radiant. He looked elated. I smiled in relief and my stomach did flips, the good kind. Did this mean he felt the same way?

“You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that…and how sad.” Oh. My face fell instantly.

“I want us to be something, I really do,” he started. I was waiting for the conjunction.

“But you’re dangerous,” I supplied. I didn’t wait for him to finish because I knew where this was going.

“Yes.” He hung his head, defeated.

“How?” I had been alone with Edward several times now. I failed to see how he was dangerous.

“Remember how upset I was when I first saw you?” How could I forget? But I just nodded.

“It was…it was because of your scent.”

“What? My scent? What do you mean?”

“Earlier you asked about my diet…I’m assuming your hypothesis had something to do with that. Ask yourself what I would eat if I am what you suspect.” He looked away then, embarrassed.

I thought for a moment. He was speaking in riddles which was really confusing. And then it hit me.

Vampires drink blood. Was that it then? Edward was dangerous because he wanted to drink my blood. But what did that have to do with my scent?

“I…I still don’t know what you mean. I mean do, but I don’t. I mean, wouldn’t you be dangerous around everyone? Why me?”

He let out a deep sigh. “I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately. Look, everyone smells…different. All humans smell appealing. Some are more…tempting than others.” He paused to check my reaction.

I did not miss the way he differentiated himself from humans. I kept my face blank though.

“But I’ve never encountered someone that smelled as alluring as you.” Oh. Well then.

“So…so you were mad at me because I smell so good?” What the hell was this conversation?

“Precisely. You smelled _too_ good. In fact, in all my years, I’ve never had someone’s…blood call to me the way yours did. And it made me furious!” His face constricted in anger then.

“All my hard work of self-control and discipline almost went out the window the instant I saw you. It was certainly humbling thinking that I had mastered my resistance to human blood, only to find myself reduced to a crazed animal that wanted to hunt you,” He was clenching his fists, and I could tell all the rage had bubbled up to the surface again.

“But you didn’t,” I pointed out, hopeful that it would defuse some of his wrath.

He breathed in deeply as if to calm himself. “No, I didn’t. Just barely. I almost ran after you when you left. I could have done it then. I thought about doing it then.”

“So why didn’t you?” I challenged. He looked at me incredulously.

“Why didn’t I just kill you? What kind of question is that?”

“Well, it seems like the natural thing to do. Your…species drinks blood, right? If your animal instinct was triggered, why not let biology do its thing?”

Edward just stared at me, mouth gaping. “Do you have some sort of death with Iz?

“No! I’m glad you didn’t. But I just want to know what stopped you.”

“Well for one thing, Alice intervened.”

“Wh-How? Alice knew what was going on? Is that why she found me outside?”

“Alice knowing the situation is a part of her abilities. I’ll explain that later. The main reason I didn’t kill you is because I don’t want to be that—a killer. I don’t want to be a monster, a murderer. That’s why I was so angry at you. I hate what I am. And I work really hard against my nature. And the smell of your blood reminded me of how revolted I am by my existence.”

He aggressively ran his fingers through his hair out of exasperation. We were quiet for a while.

“Do you still like me?” he blurted out after a few minutes of silence.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I do.”

“Even after admitting to wanting to kill you? Terror and disgust would be normal reactions. You really do have a death wish,” he grumbled.

“No I don’t. Because one, I don’t care what you are, and two—here I sit, unharmed. If you were going to kill me, you would have done it already.”

“I wouldn’t speak so soon,” he groaned.

“Does that mean it’s still hard to be around me? Like with your self-control and stuff?”

“Yes. But it has gotten easier. Now that I know what to expect, I can anticipate the thirst. And you’d be surprised how much caring about someone makes you want to not kill them,” he said with a laugh. “The more I fall for you, the more I want to do everything in my power to keep you safe from me. It’s quite frustrating.”

“Then don’t. Just fall Edward. We’ll figure out the rest.” I didn’t like how his worry for me spurred all his self-loathing. I wish he weren’t burdened like that.

“You make it sound so easy,” he mused just above a whisper.

“Can we at least try?” I would be devastated if he said we were better off staying apart.

“Well, I don’t think I can stay away from you, so yes. I don’t have any other choice at this point.”

I grinned.

“Iz, that shouldn’t make you happy. You’re supposed to be afraid of me. Your reactions are completely backwards,” he sighed.

I decided to risk it all. “Not really. I’m pretty stoked to have a vampire boyfriend.”

He froze at my words, eyes wide. I’m not sure which was more shocking to him, vampire or boyfriend. After a beat or two, he shook his head and smiled. I was over the moon when he took my hand to hold. Was this a yes then? Unfortunately, the bell rang before I could get confirmation.

It was time for biology class.


	8. Impasses and Kisses

Edward kept holding my hand all the way to biology class. I was feeling so giddy that all the attention we were getting barely even registered.

I still wondered if Edward wanted to officially date me. All signs pointed to yes so far, but I couldn’t be sure until I heard the words from his mouth. God that beautiful mouth. Could I kiss him now that we were sort of official?

A new train of thought popped into my head just then.

“Have you even been attracted to someone…like me?” I asked as we sat down at our lab table.

“Someone like you? You mean gorgeous people who have no regard for their safety?” he smirked.

Edward thought I was gorgeous. I giggled, which was annoying.

“You know what I mean,” I clarified, trying to sound stern.

He appraised me for a moment.

“I’ve…lived a long time. Maybe not as long as others of my kind, but I’ve been around long enough to see society change over the decades.”

Decades? I couldn’t control my facial expression then. I am sure I looked flabbergasted. Still, I said nothing.

Edward continued, “I think gender is a product of White supremacy, capitalism, and the patriarchy. I’ve seen the norms and expectations used to perpetuate the social power of the majority and keep marginalized people oppressed. To me, that is gender’s only function. So, I just don’t really consider gender. It’s not something I really see or think about when I find myself attracted to a person. I do respect that people’s gender identity can be a really important part of who they are, so I would never want to overlook or disregard someone’s experience. Alice and I have had long conversations about how important womanhood is to her and I totally get it. But when it comes to me and my conceptualization of the world, I just think gender is a moot point.”

Holy shit I just fell in love. Not really, but kind of. I didn’t have the exact same take as Edward did on gender, but there were many similarities. Gender did factor into my attraction and my identity. I found myself drawn to certain aspects masculinity and femininity—even if those concepts really didn’t exist.

But his interpretation was refreshing. I appreciated that he would still affirm someone’s gender identity even if he didn’t conceptualize people that way.

“How old are you?” was all I ended up saying as a response.

“Eighteen,” he replied with a grin.

“Uh huh…and how long have you been eighteen?” I said much more quietly so that no one around us would hear.

He paused for a moment. “A while.”

Unfortunately, Mr. Banner started class then. Thankfully, we were doing another lab today. I never thought I would be happy about that, but it meant I could interact with Edward more.

We started observing onion root samples with a microscope to determine what stage of mitosis the cells were in. We finished in about ten minutes. That means I had the rest of the period to talk to him. I was swooning.

“So,” I cleared my throat. “You don’t age,” I whispered.

His face hardened then. “No, I’m immortal.”

“You don’t like that,” I surmised.

“No. It’s been painful living in this world for so long trying not to be a monster.” He sighed, looking morose. He bowed his head.

I didn’t understand why he was being such an emo about being a vampire. I could understand the hassles and inconveniences. It had to be frustrating living among humans and trying to blend in. But the way he talked about himself, it seemed like his biggest issue was that it made him a bad person.

“You’re not a monster,” I asserted.

“You don’t know that,” he said looking up at me with sorrow.

“If you have to kill people to survive, that has nothing to do with you. It’s a part of your genetic makeup. That would be like expecting a natural carnivore to start eating grass.”

Edward blinked a few times and frowned.

“First of all, I don’t kill people. My family and I drink the blood of animals. Deer, mountain lions, bears—,”

I cut him off just then. “What? So what the hell is the problem then? You’re really not a monster!” I said a bit too loudly. I looked around, chagrinned, but it seemed like the rest of the students were still working on their lab.

“Second of all,” he said ignoring my outburst, “it’s interesting that you think behavior should just follow biology and genetics.” He started at me for a moment.

“That’s not what I mean.” I could see where he was going with that. “I think biology has something to do with behavior, but your environment matters more.”

“Exactly. I have choices. I choose not give in to my instincts.”

“And you’re doing it. So how does that make you a monster?”

“Because the moment I let my guard down, I could mess up. I’ve killed people before. If I’m not actively trying to keep my instincts in check, it could be lethal. Especially for you,” he warned.

“Your argument makes no sense. You have the ability and value to go against your nature. If your environment matters more, then why are you still seeing yourself as a monster?” I felt quite smug on the inside but tried not to show it.

Edward looked taken aback. He opened his mouth and then closed it.

“I…hadn’t thought about it that way before. That’s something to consider,” he pondered.

“Wait,” he declared all of a sudden. “You thought I was drinking the blood of humans and you still wanted me to be your boyfriend?” His brows creased in the most adorable way.

“Yes, if you’ll have me.”

“You are utterly absurd. What am I going to do with you Iz?” he exhaled.

“Oh, I can thing of few things,” I countered boldly. He chuckled at that.

“So if I’m your boyfriend, then you’re my…,” he looked at me curiously.

“Significant other?”

“If that’s what you would like to be called. Although…,” he started.

“What?”

“My kind refers to our partners as ‘mates’. You have that option as well. Although I know it would sound strange to the humans,” he smiled.

Mate. I liked that actually.

“Wouldn’t we need to…you know, to make that term legitimate?” I grinned suggestively.

His smile faltered momentarily. Oh. Maybe I was coming on too strong. I was only kidding. Sort of.

“Not necessarily,” he said flatly.

“I was just joking,” I assured, sufficiently deflated. Maybe he didn’t want me in that way. Maybe this was strictly a romantic connection, not a sexual one. The thought made my heart hurt. I turned my head away just in case tears sprang to eyes. I really hoped they didn’t.

It’s not that I wanted that right away. I mean I guess part of me did, but of course I would wait until we felt ready and the timing was appropriate. I needed more emotional intimacy before heading in that direction. I’d be happy just to kiss him for now.

Dejectedly I added, “I’m sorry if I’m being a creep.”

“Iz,” Edward protested. “It’s not that I don’t want to, of course I want to. That would be an important part of our relationship for me. But it’s too dangerous. Earlier we were talking about how much I have to deny my instincts. I’m constantly aware of and trying to fight my blood lust. If I ever got caught up in the moment or lost my senses…,” he groaned.

“I don’t want to even think about hurting you. Especially during…that. Don’t you see Iz? Don’t you see the risk you take in being with me? Don’t you care about the things you miss out on? You should be having a normal human experience, dating someone that can give you everything you deserve. Someone human wouldn’t have to worry about killing you every second,” he huffed out, incensed.

I was quiet for a moment, waiting for him to calm down. “So…you do want to? With me? You are attracted to me in that way?”

“Iz,” he chastised. “Is that all you heard? Is that the only part you listened to?” he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Oh. The killing part. I guess I was that horny to risk it all for sex. But it was more than just sex. It was Edward.

“I trust you. I don’t think you will ever hurt me.” Once I said those words out loud, I knew I believed them with every fiber of my being. I felt completely safe around him.

“You give me way too much credit,” he reasoned.

“You discount yourself too much,” I dissented. We both looked at each other silently. It seemed like we were at an impasse, too stubborn for our own good.

I didn’t want to stay quiet for much longer. Time with Edward was precious, and I still wanted to learn more about being a vampire.

“When you said that you and Alice had abilities, what did you mean by that?” I wanted to know everything possibly I could about him.

“Certain vampires have gifts. Not all of us, but some of us. Alice can see the future and—,”

“What? That’s incredible! Is that how she knew about me, about the keys to my truck? What else can she see? Can’t she just tell me whether or not you kill me? Can’t she see if the bad guys find out that I know the secret?"

“Take it easy Iz,” he laughed. “One thing at a time.” Oops.

“Her gift doesn’t work like that. She isn’t all knowing or all seeing. For one thing, she can only see people she has a connection to. And even then, her visions are subject to change.” He stopped then as a scowl suddenly formed on his face. I wondered what it was about but continued listening.

“Her visions are also based on made decisions. She doesn’t see it happening until the person makes up their mind. That’s why she wouldn’t see if the Volturi were coming to kill us. They don’t know yet and haven’t made any choices about us.”

“The who?”

“The Volturi. The vampires that enforce the rules. Rules we are currently breaking,” he sighed. Oh boy, here we go again with the masochism. Did Edward have some sort of degradation kink I didn’t know about?

Determined not to let him start sulking, I continued my interrogation. “Any other gifts I should know about?”

“Jasper Hale, Alice’s boyfriend, can influence emotions. He can calm people down or hype them up. He can also feel what they are feeling.” An empath. Interesting I thought.

“Who else in your family?”

“Just Alice, Jasper, and me.”

“What can you do?” I remembered what he said earlier about knowing that Mike had a crush on me.

“Read minds,” he said casually.

“You’re telepathic?” I was so fucked. I desperately tried to remember all the things I had ever been thinking around Edward. Oh god, he knew all about my fantasies and how much I wanted him. Shit he was listening to me right now! I was starting to panic.

“Yes, with one exception. You.” That stopped my tirade of thoughts.

“You can read everyone’s mind but mine? How come?” I was partly relieved but also partly offended. What was wrong with my mind? Why was I different?

“I don’t know...,” he trailed off, appearing to be lost in thought about the reasons. “I’ve never met anyone else who’s mind I couldn’t read.” He looked back at me with fascination.

“Wow. What are the odds that I randomly come to live in Forks one day only to almost be killed by you because of my scent? And then you find that you can’t read my mind. How bizarre is that?”

“Indeed,” he agreed. “And what are the odds that you take all of this so well, too well, and that we end up with each other. It’s concerning,” he said grimacing now.

“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s my choice. You’ve informed me, and I have consented. Everything that happens from here on out is my responsibility. My actions have consequences,” I contended.

He looked at me for a moment and shook his head. Just then, the bell rang. Time for gym. Great. I reluctantly got up from the table, hoping that Edward would follow. He did.

He had Spanish next which was close to the gym. As we walked toward our next class, I brought up something I had been thinking about for a while now. I wasn’t sure how he would take it though.

“Wouldn’t it…wouldn’t be easier if I just became a vampire?” He abruptly stopped walking.

“What did you just say?” His voice had an under current of rage that made me regret asking the question.

“I mean, then you wouldn’t want to kill me. The Volturi wouldn’t kill us. We could, you know, without worry. I could...I could be with you forever.” I didn’t see what the issue was. Immortality sounded alright with me if it meant eternity with Edward. He was silent for a bit, so we slowly started walking again until we arrived at the gym entrance.

“You have no idea what you’re asking,” he fumed as he turned to face me. “You’re basically asking me to end your life. You would have to give up everything you’ve ever known and love. Could you bear it if you killed someone because of your blood lust? Do you know what the guilt and shame feels like after you see someone's lifeless eyes? Could you accept never seeing Charlie again? Your mom? You’d never sleep again. You’d never dream again. You’d never get taste your favorite food or drink your favorite drink. You’d never get the catharsis of crying. Your exquisite humanity would be gone forever. I just can’t imagine why anyone would ever willing want this life.”

He was calmer now. I never thought of being human as exquisite. But perhaps I had taken some of those things for granted until Edward mentioned them.

“What do you miss the most?” I asked softly. It just dawned on me that this life wasn’t his choice.

“Honestly? The sweet oblivion of unconsciousness. Being aware of every moment of my existence is exhausting,” he said with grief. It was strange to think that he never slept.

“I can understand that. You’ve given me some things to consider. Thank you.” I reached up and brushed my fingers along the side of his face. He was hurting, and I wanted to show him some tenderness. He closed his eyes, appearing to enjoy the sensation as he leaned into my touch.

“Can we please go to your car again? I want to keep talking to you. I have more questions,” I begged.

“Iz, we skipped this period yesterday,” he argued, but I could tell his resolve was weakening. I stepped closer to him and put my arm around his waist so that our bodies were touching. He immediately wrapped his arms around mine as well.

Holy shit I wanted to pounce him. But I controlled myself.

“Please Edward?” I implored once more. I looked into his eyes, my hand still on his perfect cheek. Fuck it, I’m going to do it.

I stood up on my toes and lightly pressed my lips to his.

Oh fuck, we were kissing. Kind of. Our lips weren’t quite moving just yet, but I was trying to be careful and also give him the chance to pull away if he didn’t want this.

But then his lips began to move against mine. I opened my mouth slightly and started to deepen the kiss while pressing myself up against him more. Every part of him that touched me felt so fucking good. It was exhilarating. I almost lost it when he let out a small moan.

Unfortunately, someone cleared their throat, causing both of us to jerk away from our embrace.

It was Mike, the fucking bastard.

“Iz, aren’t you going to gym? The bell is going ring any second.” His tone was extremely hostile.

“Uh, no actually.” Not that it was any of his business. “I’m not feeling well and Edward was going to drive me home. Right?” I looked over to him. He was absolutely livid at Mike.

“Right,” Edward managed to choke out.

Apparently, Mike picked up on Edward’s rage because he took a few steps back.

“Whatever,” he spat. “I’m not covering for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” I snapped. He rolled his eyes and hastily walked in between Edward and me through the gym entrance. Jesus Christ, what was his deal?

“He’s jealous,” Edward answered.

“Hey! I thought you said you couldn’t read my mind,” I exclaimed in fear.

"I’m only letting you know what I heard from Mike,” he said. I could still hear anger in his voice.

“What, he wishes it was him kissing you instead of me?” I joked. Edward let out a deep laugh. It was beautiful.

“No, Mike has always found my family and me spooky. I already told you Iz, he wants you.”

I rolled my eyes then. “So can we go to your car now?” I was eager for more alone time. And more kisses.

He took my hand and led me outside.


	9. Edward's House

We made our way to the Volvo quickly. It was starting to snow outside, and I wanted to be warm again.

Once we were in the car, heat blasting, I resumed my questioning.

“Was that okay? That I kissed you?” I really hoped it was because I had plans to do it again.

He looked into my eyes with that all too familiar intensity again. “It was more than okay. It was spectacular.” Our faces were so close that I could feel his breath. I almost started kissing him again, but I remembered what else I wanted to ask.

I swallowed hard, trying to concentrate. “Was it too much? With my scent tempting you?”

Edward smiled a little “Actually, no. I was so focused on your body that I forgot about your blood.” I felt a very pleasant sensation run through me as he said that.

“Oh, well good,” I encouraged, my mouth suddenly dry. I could not believe the effect he had on me. But I had an agenda, and I didn’t want Edward to keep dazzling me. It was distracting me from my point.

I pulled back a little bit and reached out to take his hand in my lap. I cupped both of mine around his. I noticed they were just slightly bigger than mine. His fingers were long and slender.

Facing straight ahead, I brought up his history. “Would you mind telling me how you became a vampire? I understand if it’s not something you want to talk about. But I just want to understand why you hate it so much.”

I heard him sigh.

“I don’t mind sharing,” he started. “It was 1918 when I became extremely sick during the Spanish Influenza. My parents had already died from it, and I was near death on a hospital bed that was packed in a room with a dozen other dead or dying people. The medical staff was absolutely overrun. Carlisle was my doctor,” he paused and looked over at me.

I masked my face to be neutral. But inside, I was reacting to the fact that Edward was over a hundred years old. And that he had known Carlisle for that long. How old were his other family members?

My face must have showed no indication of my inner turmoil because he continued his story.

“I guess Carlisle sensed that I was going to die soon, because he started having conversations with me about being saved. I didn’t know what he meant at first, but then he slowly started to reveal himself to me. His skin, his eyes, how fast he moved—I eventually put it together. He told me that I could simply pass away if I wished, or that I could be changed to be like him. I didn’t want to die. So I asked him to do it.”

“Do you regret it?” I murmured.

Another sigh. “No. Of course I couldn’t fully understand what I was getting into at the time. I was desperate to escape death. Carlisle informed me as best he could and tried to help me understand what was happening. He tried to give me as much of a choice as possible. I suppose I am glad that I was given another chance, more time…I just didn’t know at what cost.” He was despondent again.

“Do you have to be dying for it to work?” I wondered.

“No, that’s just Carlisle. He would never do this anyone who had a chance to live a human life. But I guess vampirism is better than death.”

“How did he do it?”

“He bit me, and the venom from his mouth went into my bloodstream. The change itself was excruciating. It took about three days and was the most agonizing experience I’ve ever had. It feels like you’re on fire,” his voice was so soft that it was barely above a whisper.

“That sounds traumatic,” I pondered out loud. I couldn’t fathom burning for three days.

“It was,” he agreed.

“The rest of your family…they were all dying when Carlisle changed them?”

“Yes. Esme came next after falling from a cliff. Royal was assaulted and Emmett was attacked by a bear. Jasper and Alice came to us afterwards, but they had already been changed by other vampires.”

We were quiet for several minutes. I noticed that Edward’s hand was now warm because of mine.

“Can you understand why I would feel so strongly about ending your human life?” He looked over at me.

“Yes, I can. It sounds like a lot.” I still was considering becoming one though. Maybe I could talk to Carlisle more about it.

Edward took out his phone and started scrolling. Moments later, Frank Ocean was playing in his car.

“I like this song too,” I smiled. He grinned back at me.

“Would you like to go to my house?” he asked me with a glint in his eyes.

“Yeah, that would be really nice.” I was elated at the thought of more time with him. He pulled out of the school parking lot and started driving away from town. I guessed that he and his family lived on the outskirts.

“What’s your favorite type of music?” he questioned out of the blue.

“I like everything.”

“Come on Iz. Give me some genres or artists.”

“Okay, well I will always be an emo at heart. I like My Chemical Romance, Hathorne Heights, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping with Sirens…bands like that. But I also like pop and rap and indie. I like some punk and rock too. Um, let me look at my recently played.”

I struggled to pull my phone out of my back pocket, but finally managed to pull up my streaming app. “I like The Neighbourhood, Twenty One Pilots, Brand New, Salvia Palth, Nirvana, Brockhampton, Mother Mother, Hozier, Harry Styles, Paramore…is that a good enough description?”

Edward laughed. “Yes, very thorough. Thank you. We have quite a few artists in common,” he said with a sense of pride.

“Can I look at your recently played?” I asked, curious.

“Be my guest,” he nodded towards his phone resting in the console. I greedily started scrolling through all his playlists, antsy to learn more about him. He was right. We did have a lot in common, although I didn’t see very many contemporary pop or rap artists. He did have quite a bit of 80s pop and rap though.

I switched to a Depeche Mode song. His face lit up in approval.

“Enjoyed your time in the 80s, did you?” I teased. 

“They were fun,” he concurred. He started to sing along, bopping his head to the rhythm.

It was so invigorating to see him carefree and lighthearted. I had a feeling he spent too much time feeling so low. The giddiness I saw now was contagious. It made me happy to see him like this. I started to sing along too.

We finally pulled into his driveway. I had to admit I was a bit sad that our car ride karaoke had come to an end. As I exited the vehicle, I let out a huge gasp.

Holy fuck his house was huge. And expensive looking.

I immediately shot a look to Edward. “You guys are fucking rich.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Alice is pretty good about watching the stock market. We’ve been around for a while, so money piles up after a while.”

“Uh huh,” was all I could muster.

“We do try to donate a sizeable portion. But we also allow ourselves a few indulgences.”

“No kidding.”

As we walked up to his porch, he turned around to face me.

“Are you okay with meeting my family? I mean, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper are still at school. But Esme is home, and Royal and Carlisle will be here later.”

“Jasper and Royal live here too?” I was confused.

“Yes. I imagine it would be a bit odd if everyone in town knew that the seven of us all lived together. Royal and Jasper living separate is just a story to keep suspicions at bay.” Made sense.

“I don’t mind meeting them if they don’t mind.”

“Wonderful,” he beamed.

Suddenly, I was nervous. What if they didn’t like me? It dawned on me that I was about to meet my boyfriend’s family. Wasn’t this like a big step or something?

As we walked into the house, I tried hard to stay calm.


	10. Edward's Family

I was immediately struck by the décor of the Cullen house when I first stepped inside. It looked like it was out of a magazine; everything was absolutely pristine, and I was terrified of touching anything that could break or get dirty.

Edward held my hand as he led me through the foyer, yes this house had one of those things, and into the living room. I stopped when I saw someone sitting on the couch scrolling through a tablet.

“Edward!”

“Hey Mom,” he lit up. “Iz, this is my mother for all intents and purposes, Esme.”

She got up to greet me and shook my head. It seemed like she was in her early 30s, with long brown hair and deep brown skin. She was a few inches shorter than me and had a full body with filled out curves.

“Nice to meet you,” I said, hoping that I was making a good impression.

“You too!” She sounded genuinely enthused. “You’re home early,” she directed at Edward.

“We didn’t go to last period,” he explained.

“Edward,” she reprimanded. “You better not let Iz get in trouble for that.” It sounded like she was mostly teasing.

“They won’t! Their eighteen, the school can’t do anything about it. And what Charlie doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” he chuckled.

Esme rolled her eyes. “Iz, don’t let him become on negative influence on you. Make sure you keep him in check,” she joked.

“Oh I will,” I assured her with a smile. I was glad Edward didn’t mention that skipping last period was my idea. I had practically seduced him into after all.

“Would you like anything to drink?” she asked.

“Oh…you have that stuff here?” I didn’t think they would keep any human items in the house.

She grinned but also seemed surprise that I would know that. “Yes, I have a few things, for appearances mostly. Or on the rare occasion that we have a guest. There’s tea, lemonade, soda, and water.” 

“I’ll take some water,” I decided.

“Great! Be right back,” she flitted to the kitchen in the blink of an eye. I gasped.

“You’ve never seen us at full speed before,” Edward smirked from beside me.

“N-no,” was all I could say. It was incredible.

“This is the once place we don’t have to hide. We can be fully ourselves here,” he mused aloud.

“It must be hard having to mask yourself every time you’re in public. I remember what that used to feel like,” I uttered gently.

He looked at me then. I couldn’t place his expression though.

Esme magically appeared back in front of us, startling me.

“Oh I’m sorry Sweetie! I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll remember to approach you more slowly next time.”

My face twisted at the word _sweetie_. It’s what my mom called me. A forceful wave of grief hit me all at once. I missed her so fucking much even though it hadn’t even been a week.

Edward and Esme looked at curiously with concern. Oh that’s awkward. I’m sure my emotions were all over my face. How embarrassing.

I swallowed, my throat tight. “My mom, Renee, calls me Sweetie.”

Understanding swept over Esme’s face. She leaned, slowly, to give me a hug. I accepted it.

“It must be so hard moving this far away without her,” she said softly. I just nodded. We pulled back apart. I looked over to see Edward frowning. I wasn’t sure what had upset him.

No one said anything for a few moments. It was uncomfortable.

Esme cleared her throat and handed me a water bottle. “Well I’m just going to be down here looking at interior designs for my office,” she gestured at the couch. “Let me know if you need anything Iz.”

“Thank you,” I replied gratefully. Her kindness really did remind me of Renee.

“Would you like to see my room?” Edward asked, sounding sullen.

“Sure,” I answered. I was feeling uncertain about his mood and wondered what he could be unhappy about it.

As we turned to go upstairs, Esme darted back to couch in a second and resumed scrolling on her tablet.

I followed Edward up the stairs, taking in all the artwork on the wall. There was so much detail in every space. It struck me that Esme must have designed everything based on her comment.

We walked down a long hallway to open the door to Edward’s room.

The first thing that I noticed was that there was no bed, just a large couch. It was strange to keep remembering that he didn’t sleep. The second thing I noticed was an extremely expensive looking record player and shelves upon shelves of vinyl albums. It was an impressive collection. The third thing I noticed were the large windows that looked out into one of the most amazing views I had ever seen. The massive forest trees and mountains were literally right outside his room. It occurred to me that the Cullens must live on several acres.

The fourth thing I noticed was Edward closing the door. He flashed over to me in an instant, causing me to stumble. I had yet to get used to the way they practically flew because of their speed. 

Luckily, he caught me and helped me right myself, his arms hold me up by elbows.

“Iz,” he looked at me, contrite. “I’m so sorry. All we’ve been talking about is me and my family and vampires…and all this time you’ve been sad and missing your mom and adjusting to a new school and new people and—,”

“Edward please, it’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I’ve been incredibly self-absorbed. And god, you just uprooted your entire life and then on your first day at school I blew up at you. All I’ve done is add to your stress.” He pinched the bridge of his nose then. 

“No, you’ve been comforting and supportive. And sexy,” I tried to soothe.

He smiled a little then.

“I’ll be a better boyfriend from here on out, I promise.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. He could be so dramatic sometimes, and for what? But I could appreciate him wanting to be more attentive.

“Well for starters, you could kiss me,” I tested.

He leaned in then and obliged. An errant thought briefly registered in my brain that his cold lips didn’t bother me. They were still so soft.

But I quickly ceased all coherent thinking when Edward slipped his tongue into my mouth. I moaned, and he gripped me tighter at the sound. I felt even more intoxicated than the first kiss.

Then, as if I couldn’t get any more lightheaded, I felt him scoop me up and flutter over to his couch. I barely blinked and we were horizontal, his body hovering over me as he continued to kiss me senseless. Fuck, Edward was on top of me. I was glad I was laying down because the realization made me feel faint.

He started kissing me on my jawline, making his way towards my ear and then down my neck. It was embarrassing how much I was panting. He was quite literally leaving me breathless.

Everywhere he put his lips sent tingles shooting all over my body. I could hardly stand it. And yet, I wanted more.

I ran my fingers through his hair, using it to lift his face back up to mine. I missed his lips on my mouth. As we began kissing again, I tried to lift myself up by leaning over and balancing on my elbow. Edward was immovable though. It was like trying to push a boulder. Luckily, he sensed what I was wanting and flipped us so that I was now on top. Yes.

I continued grabbing his hair as our lips and tongues moved. I think he liked it because soon I felt him underneath me. He was hard. The thought of Edward being aroused turned me on even more.

I couldn’t help myself and started grinding on him. Our lips fell apart for a moment as he let out a groan.

“That feels so fucking good,” he murmured. All I could do was whimper in response. He was right though, it felt incredible for me too.

I lifted myself up slightly, putting one hand on his chest and the other on his throat. I started moving against him a little harder, moaning at the friction the new angle created.

Edward gasped then, squeezing his eyes shut. He lifted his head up to start kissing me again. It was at a slower pace than before.

“Iz,” he breathed into my mouth, leisurely moving his lips across mine. It sounded like a request.

“Mm,” was all I said in response. Edward pulled his head back to look at me.

“I’m having a hard time controlling myself. Your scent is absolutely overwhelming me, in the best and worst way possible,” he said in a husky voice.

I understood his reason for pumping the brakes. Perhaps sinking his teeth into my skin to drink my blood might ruin the mood.

“Sorry,” I offered, still out of breath from before. I wasn’t sorry.

“It’s okay,” he laughed gently. I slid over to his side so that I was between the couch and him. Edward mirrored my movements so that we were both on our side facing each other.

We stared at each other for a moment.

“That was hot,” I announced, breaking the silence.

He smiled wide. “It was.” Suddenly a look of interest crossed his face.

I raised my eyebrow, questioning him.

“Would you mind meeting Royal? He just got home from hunting.”

“You can hear him?” I didn’t know how he knew he was in the house.

“Well yes, I can hear his thoughts now that he's in range. But vampires do have excellent hearing. I also heard his footsteps downstairs.” Oh right, I forgot about the telepathy.

Suddenly, I felt my face get hot with shame. “Did Esme hear…,” I couldn’t finish the question as horror washed over me.

“Relax, she went outside to tend to the garden so we could have privacy.”

Instant relief flooded through me. Thank god.

A knock at the door beckoned both of our attention. “Edward?” a muffled voice called out from the hallway. 


	11. Family Ties

“Is it okay if he comes in to meet you?” Edward requesting my permission was silly to me but also appreciated.

“Yeah, sure.”

Edward and I both sat up on the couch.

“Come in Royal.”

The door opened to reveal the second most beautiful man I had ever seen. It instantly clicked why Edward’s family would maintain that Royal and Jasper were brothers. They were both tall and lean, with curly blonde hair. Royal’s hair was much shorter, however. I inwardly cringed at how flawless this entire family looked. I must look like a goblin standing next to their inhuman beauty.

“Iz, it’s nice to finally meet you. You’ve caused quite a spectacle in our family the last few days,” he revealed with a laugh.

I felt awkward. “Oh, sorry about that. Nice to meet you too.”

“Don’t make Iz uncomfortable Royal,” Edward rebuked. The sudden hostility in his voice was jarring. 

“Oh relax you drama queen, I’m only joking. Besides, all the commotion has been entertaining. It’s better than the usual mind numbing boredom,” Royal teased.

“Commotion?” I wondered nervously. I hated to cause any rifts in their family.

“Don’t worry about,” Edward dismissed.

“No,” Royal opposed. “They should know. The entire family will be implicated if this ends badly.” I observed that Royal said all this without enmity. It sounded more like he was amused and taunting me.

“Like with the Volturi? Or other people finding out? Or if Edward accidently kills me?” I timidly inferred.

“Yes, all of the above,” Royal answered with satisfaction. I immediately felt guilty. I hadn’t really processed how this situation would affect the rest of the family.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” was I all could think of to say.

“No need to be sorry. It is what it is. As I said, it’s made life more interesting,” Royal grinned.

“Why the fuck are you bringing this up Roy?” Edward snarled.

“So that Iz can know what they are getting into. They don’t need someone protecting them from reality. What they need is the truth.” Royal paused for a moment to stare into my eyes.

“Thank you. Now leave,” Edward grumbled. He looked pissed.

“See you around,” Royal waved with a smirk. And then he was gone in a flicker.

“I’m so sorry about that. I just wanted you to meet him,” Edward lamented with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No, I’m glad he did. I want to know those things. Don’t you think I should be informed? What do the other members of the family think?” I pressed.

He was silent.

“Edward, please. I deserve to know the implications of my actions.”

He sighed. “Alice had visions of us together, so she is thrilled that it finally came to fruition. She also saw you and her becoming best friends, so she can’t wait to spend more time with you. Emmett and Royal are fairly neutral about it. They don’t care one way or the other so long as they get to watch the show. Esme is glad I’ve found someone. Carlisle is worried, mostly about you staying alive. Jasper is…,” he stopped to frown.

“Jasper is what?” I questioned, remembering their argument in the hallway the day I confronted Edward.

“Jasper is very protective of Alice. He wants no harm to come to her and wants to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. You spending time with me and knowing about our family poses a threat, because of the Volturi and the risk of exposure. So therefore, you are a threat to Alice’s safety,” he spoke with frustration.

“I can understand that,” I reasoned. “So, he wants me to stay away from all of you?”

“Yes, or for us to move away. But that’s not going to happen,” he promised.

“Well that doesn’t seem fair to Jasper,” I disputed. 

“We voted on it. As a family. And the numbers were in favor of us staying and allowing me to be with you.”

Oh. I tried not to think too much about Edward's family having discussions about me. "Still though, that sucks for Jasper. I bet he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you. Alice won’t let him. You are her best friend after all. Or will be rather.”

I smiled at that. Call it confirmation bias, but I could really see myself being close to Alice. But the thought of her boyfriend, her mate, not being a huge fan was a bit discouraging.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come around,” Edward soothed as he pulled me into his lap.

“Besides, I’m going to wear him down soon anyway,” Alice chimed in all of a sudden. I jumped at the sound of her voice. It seemed like she had materialized there out of thin air. It was going to be some time before I got used to that.

“Alice,” Edward hissed.

“Just let him be. It has to be his own choosing,” she answered, although Edward hadn't said anything other than her name.

“It’s rude,” he protested.

“Can’t you understand how he feels? How you would feel?” Alice had a way of making sounding like whatever she said was so obvious.

I was utterly confused by this conversation. “Am I missing something?” I cut in.

Emmett swiftly appeared behind Alice. I guess school was out.

As I appraised the two of them standing in Edward’s doorway, I found it the size difference between them comical, almost cartoon like. I didn’t think Alice was even reaching five feet. And Emmett had to be about six five.

“You better get used to it Iz,” Emmett boomed with his deep voice. “They pull this one sided, out loud conversation shit all the time. It’s fucking annoying.” He rolled his eyes.

“You’re just jealous,” Alice retorted, sticking out her tongue.

“I…still don’t get it,” I admitted. I felt like the person who wasn’t in on the inside joke in the friend group.

“I can read Alice’s mind, and she knows what I’m going to say before I say it,” Edward explained with a mischievous look in his eyes. Oh. I guess that made sense.

“Are you staying for dinner Iz?” Alice enthusiastically asked.

“I—you guys don’t eat,” I objected. 

“Nonsense! We’ll cook for you. How does Italian sound?” she cheered.

“I should probably go home soon,” I shyly suggested. I didn’t want to be impolite, but my anxiety and all the new introductions were starting to overwhelm me.

Alice looked a little put out for a moment, but her mood quickly changed back to bubbly. 

“Next time!” she said clapping.

“Come on,” Edward urged as he scooted me off his lap and pulled me up to stand.

Emmett and Alice zoomed away into their respective rooms, which were down the hall from Edward. As I passed by Emmett and Royal’s room, I waved goodbye and told them it was nice meeting them. But as I turned to say goodbye to Alice on the other side of the hall, I saw Jasper get up from the bed and slam the door shut in my face. Ouch.

I could hear Alice scolding him from behind the door, and I felt awful for the conflict I caused. It made me feel like shit.

“Fucking asshole,” Edward grumbled under his breath.

We continued walked down the stairs and over to Esme, who hugged me goodbye. She really did remind me of Renee.

As we were making our way out of the house and to Edward’s car, a Mercedes pulled up to the driveway.

“Do you think you could meet one more person today?” Edward asked apologetically.

“Carlisle?” I guessed. He nodded in the affirmative.

“Sure,” I stated, mostly out of respect for Edward’s father. I was starting to feel a bit drained from all the interactions. We stopped and waited for Carlisle to greet us.

A tall, blonde man, seemingly in his mid-30s, got out of the car and made his way over to us. I didn’t think I would ever get over the attractiveness of vampires.

“This must be Iz,” he presumed in a kind voice. He reached out his hand for me to shake. I accepted.

“Nice to meet you Dr. Cullen.”

“Please, call me Carlisle,” he said with a smile. His presence put me right at ease. I could tell he was patient and compassionate.

“We were just on our way out. Iz has to be home soon,” Edward said to his father.

“Of course. Do visit again soon. You are always welcome in our home,” he added.

I managed a simple thank you and slipped into Edward’s Volvo.

As soon as we were back on the main road to Forks, I let out a huge sigh.

“Thank you for putting up with all of that,” Edward expressed softly.

“It wasn’t anything to put up with. Everyone was really nice. I was just nervous about making a good impression.”

He laughed. “You were in a house full of vampires and wondering if they liked you was what made you nervous?” He looked over at me incredulously.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that when he put it that way. Truthfully though, I was quite relieved to be alone with Edward again. All I had done this week was meet new people. Edward was the person I felt closest to and the most comfortable with. It was socially exhausting around everyone else, but with him I could fully relax and be myself.

I reached over to take his hand in mind, cupping both of mine around it like before. I wanted it to warm up again.

We rode the rest of the way to my house in companionable silence. When he parked and turned off the car, I found myself mourning at the thought of us parting ways. I had become fairly attached to Edward.

“Would you like to come inside and see my house now? Charlie is working late tonight.” As soon as I said the words, doubt began to creep into my thoughts. What if he’s tired of me and has had enough for today? What if he feels obligated to stay now that I’ve asked? Maybe he wasn’t as attached as I was.

“I’d love to,” he replied. Just like that, my internal upheaval was quelled. Edward seemed genuine about his response.

We got out of the car and Edward followed me to the door. As I was digging for my keys, Edward circled his arms around my waist from behind. I lost focus for a moment.

I could feel his cool breath on the nape of my neck, and it was driving me wild. I thought about how we would have the house to ourselves for several hours, which was not helping me with the key situation. I finally got them out of my pocket to unlock the knob when Edward started kissing my neck.

It gave me the most delicious chills all over my body to feel him do that. I dropped the keys.

“Allow me,” Edward whispered into my ear. In the span of a mere second, we were inside with my back was up against the door. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even see him unlock or open or shut anything. It was like magic. And it made my head spin, like literally. I had vertigo.

Luckily, the fact that his body was pressed up against mine was keeping me from falling. And luckily, we started kissing. His hands snaked their way into my hair as my own found their way under his shirt.

Holy fuck his back was everything. So was his stomach. And shoulders. I was touching him absolutely everywhere that I could.

“Fuck,” he moaned as my hands found their way to his chest and nipples. And then so very unluckily, my stomach decided to growl. Loudly.

He pulled back from my body and smiled. Damn.

“You’re hungry,” he stated.

“No, it’s okay. Let’s keep kissing,” I insisted.

“Iz, we have plenty of time for that later. You need to eat,” he encouraged as began walking toward the kitchen. Away from me. And my lips. And my body.

I sighed, resigned. I guess I was pretty hungry.

I followed him to kitchen, weirded out by such a beautiful creature in such a lackluster space.

“Do you want me to make you something?” he questioned.

“You can cook?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

“More or less, the basics.”

I grinned. “No, that’s okay. Thank you though. We don’t really have much food anyway. I’ll just get some cereal.”

Edward sat down at the tiny table and waited for me to arrange my meal. Once I finished, I took my seat across from him and began eating.

“What does that taste like?” he wondered, curious.

“Hmm, I don’t really know. I guess milk is kind of creamy. And the cereal is sweet and crunchy? I’m not really sure how to describe it.”

“Is it good? Do you like it?”

“It’s okay. It’s not my favorite, but it’ll do. Do you not remember what food tastes like?”

“Our human memories are very distant from us. They are quite faint...very fuzzy and unclear. Sometimes it’s even hard to remember what my parents looked like.”

I thought about that as I continued my crunching.

“Do you have any idea what your favorite food was?” I pondered. 

“I think I liked sweets—pastries like pies and muffins,” he considered out loud.

“It must be so bizarre to not remember. It’s almost like two separate lives. Like you’ve been reincarnated, and your human self was a past life.” God I sounded like an idiot.

“It does sort of seem that way.” It looked like his mind was a million miles away.

I flinched when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I quickly dug it out. Renee.

“Hey—do you mind if I talk to my mom for a few minutes?” I hope that wasn’t rude.

“Of course not,” Edward assured me. “I’ll just wait here.”

“Thanks. I’ll be quick,” I promised. I got up and walked up the stairs to my room. It was sort of pointless as I knew Edward would hear every word I said. I didn’t really care about that; it was more force of habit than anything to take a phone call in another room.

“Hey Mom,” I answered.

“Oh Iz! It’s so good to hear your voice. I miss you so much,” she gushed.

“I miss you too.” So much that it hurt.

“Oh Sweetie, I know. You can change your mind at any time and come home you know.”

“Well…I actually really like Forks.”

“Oh?” I could tell she was intrigued. “Does this have anything to do with a crush?” Damnit Renee was good. Too good. I would have to be so careful if she ever met Edward.

“Kind of,” I said laughing.

“Alright, spill. Who are they?”

“It’s a guy. His name is Edward.”

“Tell me everything!” she exclaimed.

And I did. Except for all the vampire stuff. But for the most part, I told the whole story of how I thought he hated me at first but that it was just a big misunderstanding. And how close we had gotten. And about Alice and his other siblings. And how supportive he was of me. And all the music we had in common.

“Wow, I can’t believe this all happened in your first week!” she commented.

“I know,” I agreed. It was pretty intense.

“Iz, I trust you and your judgment so much. I believe Edward is as great as you say he is. But I’m going to be a mom for a minute and say that I want you to be careful. It sounds like a lot happened really fast, which is okay! Sometimes that’s just how certain relationships are. But don’t lose yourself—just keep yourself balanced, okay?”

“I will,” I ensured.

We talked a bit more about school, my classes, and Charlie. And then we moved on to Phil and his team and all the different cities she was getting to experience with him. She sounded really happy which affirmed my decision. We just both really missed each other.

I wished that I could have Edward and my mom with me at the same time. And I wished that she could have Phil and me with her too. Living apart was less than ideal, but still seemed like the best case scenario for now. Maybe Edward could move to Phoenix with me one day.

I didn’t really see Renee ever moving back to Forks. Although she and Charlie really loved each other in the beginning, it was hard for her to be here without any family. Not to mention how much she hated the weather.

Before I knew it, we were saying our goodbyes and talking about the next time we would see each other, which was probably summer when school was out.

“I love you Sweetie,” she sniffled. Fuck, if she cried, I would cry.

“I love you too Mom. Talk to you soon.” I quickly hung up then, not wanting to fall apart in front of her. That would just make her feel even more sad.

I laid down on my bed, fetal position, and started to sob. Not even two seconds passed before I felt a gust of air behind me as Edward laid down and wrapped me in his arms.

“I miss her,” I cried, tears streaming down my face. I was glad Edward spooning me because I didn’t want him to see me ugly cry.

“I know baby,” he whispered as he hugged me a little closer. We laid like that for a while, as my sobs eventually turned into sniffles. Although I was embarrassed breaking down in front of him, it was also extremely comforting.

I turned to face him after I was sure my face wasn’t as red and blotchy. “Thank you,” I croaked, my voice hoarse.

“Of course. I’m so sorry how hard all of this has been for you.” He kissed my forehead then.

“It’s much better now that I have you.” And I meant it. I would be crying alone in this bed right now if it weren’t for Edward.

He started humming a song, but I wasn’t sure what it was. It sounded like lullaby. Between his soothing voice, the coziness of his arms, and the exhaustion of meeting his family and missing Renee, I felt myself starting to drift off into sleep.


	12. Bedroom Windows

I woke with a start and immediately noticed that I was warm and bundled up in blanket with two arms wrapped around me. Edward was still here.

“What’s with the blanket?” I rasped, my voice still thick with sleep.

“You got cold and started shivering. Sorry about that,” he said with regret. I guess sleeping next to a vampire might have that effect.

“It’s okay. What time is it?” I felt completely disoriented.

“It’s almost ten.”

I shot up from the bed, Edward instantly releasing me.

“Ten?” I repeated, horrified. I fell asleep for five hours. Shit.

“What’s wrong?” Edward asked worriedly.

“I’ve been sleeping the whole time you’ve been here! What a waste. Charlie’s going to be home soon,” I complained. I couldn’t believe I had a literal Greek god in my bed and slept through it. I had squandered my precious time with Edward.

“I’m sorry that I fell asleep. You must have been incredibly bored,” I added. I had wasted Edward’s time too.

“Actually, I really liked watching you sleep. I found it fascinating,” he said with a smile.

I raised my eyebrows, curious what he meant.

“You talk in your sleep.”

Oh fuck. My hands flew to my face and I groaned. How humiliating.

“What did I say?” I whined.

He laughed. “Nothing too bad. You miss your mother. You worry about her. You talk about home a lot. Once you said, 'It's too green.'"

"Anything else?" I demanded.

"You did say my name," he confessed. That’s the part I was afraid of, even if he already knew how I felt about him. I let out another groan of shame.

He stood up to put his arms back around me.

"Don't be self-conscious," he whispered in my ear as he encircled me. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it.”

I had to admit, that did make me feel better. We stayed like that for a few moments until both of us felt our phones buzz.

“Alice,” Edward guessed. And it was, warning us both with a text that Charlie would be coming through the door in a few minutes. Seeing the future definitely had its perks.

“I really want you to meet Charlie, but not right now. I’m not sure how he would feel about you being here this late. Not to mention the fact that we’ve been alone in the house all this time,” I explained, hoping he wouldn’t be offended.

Still, I didn’t want him to go.

“I should get going then,” he agreed, but I was delighted to hear the reluctance in his voice. Maybe he wanted to stay just as badly.

“I should tell you that I won’t be at school tomorrow,” he stated apologetically.

“What?” I practically shouted. “Why?”

“Alice saw that the sun is going to be out tomorrow.”

I processed that for a moment. “So does that mean you would burst into flames?” 

He chuckled. “No, that’s a myth. But we do need to stay out of the sun. It doesn’t hurt us, but it makes our skin…look different. I’ll have to show you some time. Alice, Emmett, Jasper, and I stay home from school until it’s cloudy again. I’m really sorry, I’ll miss you. And we can hang out afterwards if you want.”

I took a step back to look up at him, holding his hands in mine.

“Of course I want to,” I said, disappointed that I would be without him all day.

“Iz, don’t look so sad,” he lightly teased.

“I could stay home from school tomorrow too,” I suggested.

Edward sighed. “You know that’s not a good idea.”

“I know,” I replied dejectedly. I had already missed two periods and hadn’t even been at Forks a week. I also remembered what Renee had said about balance.

“We’ll be together again in no time,” Edward assured, trying to cheer me up.

“Can I kiss you goodnight?”

“You never have to ask.”

Our lips met then, but instead of the usual hungry and hurried pace, it felt more tender. It was soft, loving even. I tried my best to pour in as much care and affection as I could, showing how much I would miss him.

We broke apart when I heard the front door open. My eyes grew wide as I thought we had been caught.

Edward held his finger up to his lips. He hugged me one last time and led me over to my bedroom window. As he opened it and threw one leg over the ledge, I gasped in realization at what he was about to do.

“Shh,” he whispered. “I’ll be fine. Watch.” He had that mischievous grin on his face again. I was starting to think he liked showing off.

“Your car?” I tried to whisper, but it came out more like hiss.

“Alice took care of it,” he said matter of fact. Oh.

I watched in equal parts horror and fascination as he gracefully jumped two stories and landed on the ground without a sound. Wow, again with the perks.

He waved up at me and then he was gone, barely a blur leaving no footprints in the snow.

“Iz?” I heard Charlie call up to me. I quickly but quietly closed my window. Opening my door, I popped my head out.

“Hey Dad,” I greeted. “How was your shift?”

“Long, but uneventful. I’m beat,” he answered, now at the foot of the stairs. He did sound really tired.

“I’m going to have a beer, watch a little TV, and then hit the sack. How was your day?” he questioned.

“Good. I hung out with the Cullens for a bit after school. They have a really nice place,” I said, testing the waters and hoping to ease Edward as my boyfriend into Charlie’s awareness.

“Oh?” he looked piqued.

“Yeah, I met Esme and Carlisle. They’re really nice. I’m tired too though. I’m going to head to bed,” I stated, wanting the conversation to be over. I didn’t think I could handle any curious questions from Charlie at this point.

Luckily, he seemed too tuckered out to get any more information. There’s no way I would have been able to get away with that from Renee.

“Goodnight,” he yawned. I smiled.

“Night.” I shut my door and all but collapsed on my bed. What a day. I truly was exhausted, even after my five hour nap.

I took out my phone and sent a text.

_Is it pathetic that I miss you already?_

_Not as pathetic as me wanting to run back to your house to stay with you._

_I wouldn’t mind that…_

_I think Charlie would. Besides, I don’t know that I would be able to let you sleep._

Fuck, that sent a shiver down my spine. He’s right though.

_Why’s that?_

_I’d spend all night kissing and touching you._

Shit. I mean, same.

_That’s fine with me. I wouldn’t mind that either._

_I’m pretty sure you need your sleep. Plus, I worry that I’m taking you away from your life too much._

_You don’t have anything to worry about. There wasn’t much here to begin with._

_Really? What would you have done today if hadn’t hung out?_

_I probably would have read. Listened to music. Moped around about missing home._

_What are you reading?_

_A bunch of different things…bell hooks, Angela Davis, Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, Alok Vaid-Menon, Frank Wilderson, Vine Deloria._

_Wow, you’re really into critical race and gender theories. Do you ever read sci fi or fantasy?_

_Hmm. Not really I guess. Do you? What do you like?_

_I like to read poetry._

_Favorite poets?_

_Naomi Shihab Nye, Marcus Wicker, Paul Tran, Rupi Kaur, Maya Angelou…there’s more but that’s what comes to mind right now._

_I’ll have to check them out. Wait, what would you be doing if you weren't hanging out with me? Am I not taking you away from your life?_

_You are my life now._

Oh. I sat dumbstruck as he sent another text. 

_But if I weren't with you today, I would have played chess with Alice, messed around on the piano, helped Carlisle with his medical research...maybe hunted or played around with Emmett or Jasper._

_You play piano? Is there anything you aren't able to do?_

_Lol yes I play. We have to find hobbies to fill up the infinite time._

_Will you play for me some time?_

_Of course._

A minute or two passed before Edward texted me again. 

_I miss you._

_I miss you too. I should probably go to bed, but I don’t want to._

_Go to bed Iz. I’ll pick you up at tomorrow when you get home from school._

_Goodnight._

_Night._

I sighed. I really did want to keep talking to him, but sleep was starting to overtake me.

Fighting my fatigue just because I was stubborn that way, I decided to log into my social media. To my surprise, I had requests from Angela, Mike, Jessica, and Tyler.

After accepting and stalking their accounts, I discovered that Mike and Jessica used to date. Interesting. I wonder what happened there.

Angela and Jessica seemed fairly close too. Tyler seemed like a decent and fun guy, but I was disappointed to find that he had dated Lauren. Gross. 

Still, I figured I should get to know this group and try to make some friends. Especially since Edward and Alice wouldn’t be at school whenever the sun was out. I didn’t want to depend on them for my only source of connection.

I got up, took my pants off, and changed into a t-shirt. I snuggled up with the blanket Edward had held around me, inhaling his smell. It was soothing. Before I knew it, I was asleep. 


	13. Sun and Ice

The next day at school had gone by unbelievably slow. It was strange how empty I felt without Edward, even though I had only known him a few days.

I had texted him in the morning, jokingly but seriously asking if he could give me a ride to school. I thought maybe I could sneak a few minutes with him. But as he so annoyingly pointed out, no one else at Forks High should see him—the story was that the Cullens and the Hales had gone camping. I had to help keep up the façade now that I was in on the secret.

The minutes dragged on painfully and by lunch time, I thought I was going to lose my mind.

As I made my way to the cafeteria, I got in line behind Mike and Angela.

“Are you going to sit with us today now that Edward isn’t here?” Mike sneered.

I thought for a moment. It was better than sitting alone.

“Yes,” was all I said in response.

He scoffed walked to the table with others.

“Don’t worry Iz, I’m inviting you to come sit with us,” Angela assured me. What a sweetheart.

“Thanks.” I probably would have sat there anyway because screw Mike, but it was nice to know she was on my side.

We both paid and made our way over to the table.

“So what’s the deal with you and Edward?” Jessica pried, wasting no time. I hadn’t even sat down yet.

“Damn Jessica, you’re nosy as hell,” Tyler said with a laugh.

“Oh, like all of you aren’t dying to know,” she huffed. “The Cullens and Hales don’t talk to anyone for a year, and then all of a sudden Iz shows up and they’re hanging out like old friends.” She looked at me, expecting an answer.

“Well I couldn’t give a shit,” Lauren spat before I could even reply.

“No one asked you,” I challenged. We both glared at each other.

“Are you and Edward together?” Mike interjected, sounding a bit less hostile than before.

“Not that it’s anyone’s goddamn business, but yes, we’re dating. And I’m friends with Alice.” I took a huge bite out of my pizza before anyone could ask me anything else.

Mike looked disappointed. Jessica seemed resentful. Angela was happy. Tyler appeared amused. Surprisingly, Ben and Eric were interested. Lauren continued glaring at me.

Thankfully, the conversation moved on to other topics. Relief washed over me as it became clear I wouldn’t face anymore scrutiny. I ate in peace until Eric asked me a question.

“Huh?” I said, not really hearing the first time.

“LaPush baby! You in?” he repeated.

“Like the beach down at the Quileute rez?” I verified. I immediately thought of Jacob. I could finally see him.

“Yeah, there's a big swell coming down,” Jessica chimed in.

“There's whale watching, too,” Angela added. “Come with us.” It seemed like she genuinely wanted me to go.

“La Push, baby. It's—La Push,” Eric reiterated for emphasis.

“Okay, I'll go if you stop saying that,” I joked. Maybe Edward would want to join me.

The bell for next period rang just then, and we all got up to return our trays.

As I walked to biology, Mike caught up to me.

“So you and Cullen huh?” he said timidly.

“Yeah.” I was starting to get really irritated.

“I don’t like it. He looks at you like you’re something to eat.”

I could not control the laughter that bubbled up inside me then. I burst out in a fit of hysterics at the irony of Mike’s statement.

Mike looked at me like I was insane but said nothing more.

As I walked into the classroom and saw the empty lab table where Edward usually sat, my mood instantly deflated. I had momentarily forgotten he wasn’t here, and the reminder was like a punch in the gut.

Mr. Banner started the lesson, and as luck would have it, we were doing another lab today. My mood worsened.

“Iz, you want to be a team of three?” I heard Tyler call out from behind.

“Sure,” I responded, although I couldn’t help notice the look of frustration on Mike’s face. I assumed that this was strictly Tyler’s idea.

I moved over to their table and was grateful that the lab was pretty straightforward and simple. Once we finished, I was surprised to find myself in a comfortable conversation with Tyler. He was funny, easy going, and honest. I was starting to picture myself becoming friends with him.

Mike sulked and pouted the rest of class. What a baby.

The bell rang for gym, which meant I only had to endure one more period until I could see Edward again.

Unfortunately, when I arrived at the gym, the coach was pissed that I had missed the last two classes. I could either get points deducted from my grade or serve detention. I indignantly accepted the detention, absolutely refusing to get anything other than a one hundred for gym. Now I was pissed. 

As I made my way out to the parking lot, I was struck by how fucking cold it was outside. While I was in school, the temperature must have dropped at least ten or fifteen degrees. It had to be freezing now, literally.

I brooded at the fact that the sun was no longer showing, right as I was heading to see Edward. Go figure. At least the pavement hadn’t completed frozen over yet. It was in that weird slushy, sleet phase, and I wasn’t the best driver in the world.

Before I could make it to my truck, I heard Angela call out my name. I stopped and turned around to see her running to catch up to me.

As she approached, she almost slipped and fell, but luckily, I caught her arms just in time to keep her standing.

“Thanks, Iz,” she said breathless and laughing. 

“No problem.” I smiled. “It’s getting pretty slippery out here with the ice starting to form. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to exchange numbers so we could make arrangements for the beach this Saturday.”

“Oh yeah, for sure. Let me put my number in your phone and then you can send me a text.”

After that, we said our goodbyes. Once I was at my truck, I paused to lean on the door and save Angela’s number in my phone.

Then, it all happened so fucking fast.

I heard a yell and the tires screeching before I could fully process Tyler’s van skidding directly my way. He was hydroplaning, coming right towards me. I caught the tiniest glimpse of his terrified eyes before I felt something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting.

My head hit the pavement, and I felt something solid and cold pinning me to the ground. I was lying on the icy blacktop behind the tan car I’d parked next to. A groaning metallic thud hurt my ears as the van crashed into my truck exactly where, a second ago, my body had been.

It was absolutely silent for one long second before the screaming began. In the abrupt bedlam, I could hear more than one person shouting my name. But more clearly than all the yelling, I could hear Edward’s frantic voice in my ear.

“Iz? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” My voice sounded strange. I tried to sit up, and realized he was holding me against the side of his body in an iron grasp.

“Be careful,” he warned as I struggled. “I think you hit your head pretty hard.”

“Ow,” I said, surprised.

“That’s what I thought.” His voice sounded like he was suppressing laughter.

“Where…where did you come from?” I tried to clear my head and get my bearings. “Why are you here?”

“Oh, would you have preferred that I didn’t save your life then?” he smirked.

“Thank you,” I expressed as the reality of what happened started to sink in. “I’m glad you were here…but why were you here? I thought we were meeting at my house.”

“I…,” he trailed off, looking embarrassed. “I’ve been at school all day, hiding outside.”

“What? You’ve been here all day?” I turned to sit up, and this time he let me, releasing his hold around my waist and sliding as far from me as he could in the limited space.

“I missed you. I wanted to see you,” he said, his tone serious again.

And then they found us, a crowd of people with tears streaming down their faces, shouting at each other, shouting at us.

“Don’t move,” someone instructed.

“Get Tyler out of the van!” someone else shouted. There was a flurry of activity around us.

All around us was chaos. I could hear the gruffer voices of teachers and staff arriving on the scene.

“So you were spying on me,” I paraphrased.

“Are you mad?” He looked worried.

“Well, it’s honestly kind of creepy. I wish you would have just told me that you were here. I could have come out to visit you in the bushes,” I giggled. I guess I wasn’t mad. But it wasn’t fair that he was able to see me and I wasn’t able to see him.

“But I guess it’s a good thing you were here,” I added, shivering. It was wild to think that I would have been crushed between the van and the truck if it weren’t for Edward.

“Yes,” he agreed, his eyes blazing. “That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

I could hear the sirens now.

“What are we going to tell everyone?” I asked, panicked. It dawned on me how bizarre this would all look—Edward wasn’t even supposed to be at school today. And he had just materialized out of thin air to pull me out of a death trap.

His expression turned hard. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath like he hadn’t thought of that yet.

“You were waiting by my truck to surprise me after school?” I offered.

“It’s such a stretch, but that’s all we have. Stick to it and stand your ground if anyone tries to question you,” he whispered as the EMTs made their way over to us.

It took eight people to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Edward vehemently refused his, and I tried to do the same, but the asshole told them I’d hit my head. I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace. It looked like the entire school was there, watching soberly as they loaded me in the back of the ambulance. At least Edward had persuaded the EMTs to allow him to ride with me.

To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away.

“Iz!” he yelled in alarm when he recognized me on the stretcher.

“I’m completely fine Dad,” I sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Naturally, the ambulance got a police escort to the hospital. I felt ridiculous the whole time they were unloading me. Although I was completely mortified, it was nice that Edward was there to field any questions. It would also ensure that our stories matched.

They put me in the emergency room, a long room with a line of beds separated by pastel-patterned curtains. Unfortunately, Edward had to stay in the waiting room. A nurse put a pressure cuff on arm and a thermometer under my tongue. Because no one bothered pulling the curtain around to give me some privacy, I decided to take off the ridiculous neck brace.

There was another flurry of hospital personnel, and another stretcher was brought to the bed next to me. Tyler was beneath the bloodstained bandages wrapped tightly around his head. He looked a hundred times worse than I felt.

“Iz, I’m so sorry!”

“I’m fine, Tyler—you look awful. Are you alright?” As we spoke, nurses began unwinding his soiled bandages, exposing a myriad of shallow slices all over his forehead and left cheek.

“I thought I was going to kill you! I was going too fast, and I hit the ice wrong.” He winced as one nurse started dabbing at his face.

“How did you get out of the way so fast?” he asked. 

“Uh, Edward pulled me out of the way.”

He looked confused. “I thought the Cullens weren’t at school today.”

“He showed up after to surprise me.” I’d always been a terrible liar. I didn’t sound convincing at all.

“Wow, I didn’t see him. It all happened so fast I guess. Is he okay?”

“Yeah he’s fine, just hanging out in the waiting room.”

They wheeled me away then, to X-ray my head. I told them there was nothing wrong, and I was right. No concussion. I asked if I could leave, but the nurse said I had to talk to a doctor first. So I sat in the ER, impatient, but grateful for Tyler’s company. After several reassurances from me, we finally moved on from the accident with no hard feelings.

We were chatting about random things when I saw Edward walk in.

“Hey Edward, I’m really sorry about everything,” Tyler reiterated.

“No worries man,” he said as he moved to sit on the edge of my bed.

“So what’s the verdict?” he asked me.

“There’s nothing wrong with me at all, but they won’t let me go,” I complained.

“Don’t worry, I came to spring you.”

Then Carlisle walked around the corner, as stunning as ever.

“Iz, how are you feeling?” he questioned.

“I’m fine,” I said, for the last time, I hoped.

He walked to the lightboard on the wall over my head and turned it on.

“Your X-rays look good,” he commented. “Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it on the concrete.”

“It’s fine,” I repeated with a sigh.

Carlisle’s cool fingers probed lightly along my skull. He noticed when I winced.

“Tender?” he asked.

“A little.”

“Well, your father is in the waiting room—you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all.”

“Will you come home with me?” I implored to Edward.

“Of course,” he smiled, seemingly relieved that I really was okay. We made our way to the exit at the end of the hallway.

As we entered the waiting room, Charlie rushed to my side. I put up my hands.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I assured him.

“What did Dr. Cullen say?”

“He said I was fine and I could go home.” I sighed.

“Chief Swan, my name is Edward Cullen. It’s nice to meet you officially,” he said to Charlie, extending his arm for handshake.

Charlie accepted, eyeing both Edward and me curiously.

“Good to meet you. It’s my understanding that you pulled Iz out of the way just time in time.” He stated it like a question. Like he didn’t believe it.

“Yes. I was very lucky to be there,” was all Edward said. I watched them looking at each other.

“Edward was waiting for me at my truck. We were going to hang out after school,” I added, trying to sound casual.

“I see,” Charlie tutted. He looked skeptical but didn’t push it further.

“Can Edward come home with us? Since we had plans anyway?” I thought it would be best to change topics now.

“Sure,” Charlie begrudgingly replied. I didn’t know what his resistance was to—Edward or our shady story. But he was going along with it, so that was good enough for me.

The three of walked through the glass doors of the exit. For once, It was a huge relief to get into the cruiser.

We drove in silence. I was so wrapped up in my anxious thoughts that I barely registered how awkward it was to be riding with my dad and vampire boyfriend in the car.

Edward, his family, and Charlie were yet again in danger because of my relationship. I hoped with all my heart and soul that no one would be suspicious enough to investigate further.

When we got to the house, Charlie finally spoke.

“Um, you need to call Renee.” He hung his head, guilty.

I was appalled. “You told Mom!”

“Sorry.”

I slammed the cruiser’s door a little harder than necessary on my way out.

My mom was in hysterics, of course. Edward sat patiently on my bed as I paced my room on the phone. I had to tell her I felt fine at least thirty times before she would calm down. She begged me to come home, forgetting the fact that home was completely empty at the moment.

I collapsed on my bed beside Edward once I finally hung up.

“What a day,” I grumbled as I threw one arm over my forehead. “Is your family pissed?” I peaked over at him.

“Yes, but they will understand. The only one I’m truly worried about is Jasper. This whole thing is going to make him want to move away even more.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated.

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of stomach at the thought of Edward moving away.

“It’s not your fault. I just don’t know how else I would have handled the situation.”

“You could have just let the van crush me,” I offered, matter of fact.

Edward instantly became upset. “Don’t be ridiculous Iz,” he chided.

“I’m kidding! Mostly. It’s hard thinking that I’m worth all this trouble. I keep jeopardizing you and your family. Not to mention Charlie.” I started to feel really depressed. What the hell were we doing?

“Iz…,” he consoled. He laid down to face me.

“Of course you are worth it. It was just an extremely unlucky, or lucky actually, accident. There was no way I would have let you get hurt. I couldn’t stand it. The thought of you like that…it’s unbearable.” He swallowed, grimacing. 

“Change me,” I whispered. It would solve everything. I would be indestructible. The Volturi wouldn't need to intervene because I wouldn't be human anymore.

He squeezed his eyes shut, managing to look even more upset than he already was.

“I can’t talk about this right now,” he sighed.

“Okay,” I conceded, happy to be alive and in his arms as I snuggled against him.


	14. Complications

I was extremely careful not to fall asleep this time as I laid cuddling with Edward. It helped that my head was absolutely throbbing.

We didn’t say much to each other. He would occasionally ask if I was feeling okay and how my head was. But other than that, we simply looked into each other’s eyes. Sometimes I would reach up to stroke his cheek, or he would run his fingers through my hair.

The overall mood was quite somber though. I knew he would encounter severe backlash from his family.

“I’m sorry that I’ve caused all this trouble for you,” I murmured. “I mean, I know it isn’t completely my fault, but I’m still sorry. Are you dreading facing your family?”

“Not really,” he softly spoke.

“Then why do you look so sad?”

“Iz…I almost lost you today. I keep thinking about what could have happened if I hadn’t been there. I don’t care what my family says. I don’t care what I’ve risked. If I wasn’t there today, you might not be here right now.”

He gripped me tightly. “I’ll take whatever consequences that come my way if it means I get to have you in my life,” he whispered in my ear.

I pulled back to look at his face. Even though Charlie was downstairs watching TV, I decided to go for it and kissed him.

It started off slow and sweet, but it wasn’t long before I was deepening the kiss and exploring his mouth with my tongue. Our lips quickly became frenzied. I took the opportunity to slip my hands under his shirt and feel his back muscles. His body felt amazing, and I moaned at the sensation of his lips that had made their way to my neck.

“Iz,” he breathed into my ear. “Can I touch you?”

“Yes, god yes.” His hands made their way up my shirt. They were cold but I didn’t give a flying fuck. Edward was touching me and it felt incredible. His hands were everywhere—my back, my stomach, my chest—and despite his icy touch, my body felt like it was on fire. 

I rested my hand at the waistline of his jeans. “Can I feel you here?” I asked, timid but wanting him to say yes so badly. I needed more of him.

“Fuck,” he gasped. “Yes.”

I swiftly unbuttoned his pants and slid my hand inside to stroke him. He was so hard.

Edward tossed his head back, panting and letting out small whimpers. I was thankful Charlie kept the TV on so loud. I would normally appreciate Edward being so noisy, but I was slightly paranoid at getting caught.

I kept peppering his jaw, lips, and neck with kisses as I continued touching him, gradually moving my hand faster. We stayed like that for a while, the sound of our labored breathing and moaning filling my bedroom. 

"Oh," he whined after after several more minutes. “I’m coming,” he choked out, breathless. Fuck. Yes.

A few moments went by and then he tried his best to suppress the grunt that escaped his lips as he became completely undone.

Watching Edward come was magnificent. His eyelids fluttered closed, and the way he was clutching my back was almost painful. I didn’t care though. His expression was one of pure bliss.

I loved seeing his body twitch with pleasure. I had become so accustomed to the way Edward controlled his movements, careful to appear human and not hurt or break anything with his inhuman strength.

Watching him lose some control was just as pleasing for me as I stroked him through his orgasm. Eventually, his breathing slowed, his face looking relaxed and sleepy.

He grinned at me through half-lidded eyes. “That was so fucking good.”

I felt smug. “You’re welcome.”

He chuckled, giving me a kiss. But then he shifted a bit, appearing uncomfortable.

“I need to go clean myself up,” he shyly explained.

“Oh yeah, of course.” I sat up as he flitted out of my room to the bathroom.

While he was gone, I couldn’t help but let out a tiny squeal of adrenaline. I had just gotten Edward off. I did that.

Me—the person that thought I was destined to be alone forever. The person that was so dysphoric about my body that the thought of being intimate with someone was enough to make me nauseated with disgust. The person that was excruciatingly insecure about my sexuality.

It was wild to think how much I progress I had made. And I was absolutely thrilled to be sharing that with Edward.

I heard the door open and suddenly he was right beside me again in a flash.

“Was that okay for you?” he checked in, looking a little unsure.

“Of course it was baby.” I gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Nothing I did triggered any dysphoria?”

“No, I promise. Besides, I would tell you.”

“Good.” He leaned in and touched his forehead to mine.

“Fuck, you're gorgeous." The way he looked at me when he said that was almost reverent.

I opened my mouth to say something cheeky back to him when I heard Charlie call out that the pizza was downstairs.

Thank fuck he didn’t walk in on us earlier.

Edward let out a sigh. “I should probably go home. I think they’re expecting me. We’ll probably have family meeting about everything.”

“Please call me afterwards. I want to hear how it goes.” I was feeling really concerned for him. “Do you want me to go with you?” I suggested. He shouldn’t have to face them alone. It was partially my fault after all.

“Thank you. But I think it might make things more complicated. And I want everyone to be able to speak freely. They might hold back with an audience.”

“Okay, well keep me updated. I guess you can’t leave through this window this time,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“I guess not,” he said with a tiny smile.

We headed downstairs so that Edward could say goodbye to Charlie. He politely declined the offer to stay for dinner, stating that he had to be home soon. At least that part was true.

Alice was waiting in the silver Volvo outside to take Edward home. I walked him out to the car where I saw Alice with the window rolled down, waving.

Edward hugged me one last time and hurried to the get into the passenger side of the car. I leaned my head in slightly, my arms resting on the car window.

“How bad is it?” I asked Alice.

“Bad,” she said, looking grim. “But it will be okay.”

“Is that what it looks like in your vision?”

“It’s not a vision, I just know and trust in my heart.”

I sighed. I guess that would have to be good enough. I waved goodbye to both of them as they drove off.

Jogging back inside the house, I found Charlie sitting at the table starting in on the pizza.

There was a plate and glass of soda at my usual spot. Well, I guess I had to get the family talk over with too. Although I’m sure it would be nothing comparable to Edward’s conversation.

I saw down and started eating.

Silence.

You know what? Fuck it. “So Dad…you know how I’ve been hanging out with Edward a bunch this week?”

“Mhmm,” he replied in the affirmative.

“Well, we we’re kind of dating now.” I felt my cheeks get hot. This was not a discussion I wanted to have with my father.

“I figured something like that was going on. Iz, Edward’s a good guy. I like him, and I like his family too. But this all seems a bit fast to me.”

“I know Dad. I know it seems strange. Honestly it kind of is. We just got really close…I don’t know, it just sort of happened I guess.”

“I guess,” he concluded. “Just be careful ok?”

“I will,” I promised.

Thank god that was the end of the conversation. We didn’t say much after that, simply catching up on the day and relaying what Renee had said to us regarding the accident. He also informed me that one of his coworkers was headed to the house now, driving my truck home. Thank god it was still drivable. I’m sure it had a nasty dent though.

To my great relief, Charlie did not question the bizarre story of Edward pulling me out of the way just in time.

Once we finished up dinner, I said goodnight to Charlie, letting him know I wanted to lay down because my head heart.

That was partly true. The other reason was to obsessively wait for Edward’s phone call.

My anxiety was really starting to kick in. What were they saying to Edward right now? What were they saying about me? What if Jasper was convincing enough to persuade the family to move away? Couldn’t he influence their emotions or something?

I took a deep breath trying to slow down my thoughts. I hated when I thought myself into a frenzy like that.

In an attempt to distract myself from my nerves, I sent Angela a text letting her know that I was okay. I also asked if there were any plans for Saturday yet.

Immediately, she let me know how glad she was to hear that I was fine. She then promptly added me to the group chat that Jessica, Mike, Lauren, Tyler, Ben, and Eric shared.

God I bet Lauren loved that.

Everyone, except Lauren of course, wished me well via text. I thanked them all and asked how Tyler was doing. He was okay except for the fact that his parents said he had to pay to have the van fixed if he wanted to keep driving it.

Once Jessica sent out her address where we would all meet on Saturday morning to carpool to LaPush, I muted the notifications for the group and put my phone aside.

The next thing I knew, my phone was buzzing next to me. I blinked a few times, realizing that I had fallen asleep. It was disorienting how dark it had become outside. I looked at my phone to see that it was Edward calling.

“Hello?” I answered, completely on edge.


	15. Compromises

“Iz,” Edward said.

“How are things? What happened?” I asked, breathless from anxiety. I looked the clock on my phone. It was a little past two in the morning.

“Everything is okay. Things got a little heated, but we worked it out.”

I released a sigh that was full of tension.

“Um Iz, can I come see you? To talk in person?” he asked.

“Of course baby.”

“Okay…well I’m kind of here already,” he sheepishly admitted.

“Here?” I was confused.

“Outside your window.” Oh.

I set down my phone and walked over to my bedroom window, peering out. Sure enough, Edward was waiting down below, smiling.

I opened my window and took a few large steps back.

In an instant, he appeared in my room. I felt the gush of cool air he brought in with him just a beat later.

“Spying on me again?” I mocked.

“I swear I called you as soon as I got here. And I would have left if you didn’t want me to come up,” he grinned, taking me in his arms and holding me.

“You know I would never say that. Although I am kind of freaked out that Charlie might hear you.”

“He’s in a deep sleep, dreaming about fishing.”

“You can hear what he’s dreaming about?”

“Yeah, I can read minds, remember?”

“I guess I just didn’t think that would apply to unconscious thoughts.”

I took his hand and led him over to my bed. When we sat down, Edward grabbed a blanket to wrap me up before we huddled together.

“So…how did it go?” I was curious.

“We had a family meeting. Jasper, Emmett, and Royal were pissed. Esme and Alice were on my side. And Carlisle was sort of neutral in the middle. Jasper insisted that we move of course—to Denali, where another coven of vampires that don’t drink human blood live.”

“There’s other vampires that don’t drink human blood?” I interrupted.

“Well, just them that we know of. It’s extremely rare, but it’s possible there could be more out there. Anyways, none of us want to move. We rather like it here, but Jasper was really pushing for it. We were gridlocked for a while, rehashing the same argument over and over again because there was no suitable alternative solution. But then Alice…,” Edward trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Alice what?”

“Alice told the rest of the family about her vision.” He huffed in frustration.

“What vision?” I questioned.

He took a deep breath. “The day I after I met you, Alice had a vision. It was of you and me, together, as vampires.”

My heart started beating wildly in my chest.

He continued. “She brought it up, hoping that it would persuade Jasper and the others to stay.”

“And?” I probed, nervous.

“At first, I immediately shot it down. I don’t want this life for you. That’s not a solution, it’s a tragedy.”

“Edward—,” I argued.

“Iz, let me finish okay?” he gently asked.

“Okay,” I pouted. 

“But then the rest of the family started voicing their support, and Jasper instantly calmed down. He said he would be totally on board staying in Forks and us being together if Carlisle turned you. And so I said I would consider it.”

“Did…did you mean that?” I held my breath as my hope started to grow. Maybe it would really happen. Maybe I could spend forever with him, without putting anyone in danger.

“I wouldn’t flat out lie to my family like that. I’ll definitely...consider the possibility.” He looked aghast when he said it.

“But you still don’t want me to,” I finished for him, demoralized.

“I want to spend forever with you,” he said seriously. “And I want you to be safe. And Charlie. And my family. But not at the expense of your soul.”

“My soul? What the hell does that have to do with it?”

“Look, I’m not religious by any means. But I’m not ruling out the afterlife, being supernatural myself. I don’t want you to be eternally damned—,”

I cut him off again. “Damned? What, like hell?”

“I don’t presume to know what waits for us after death or whatever it is us vampires do. But if there is some measure of appraisal in the afterlife and vampirism is seen as a curse, I won’t do that to you.”

“You think you’re cursed?” I challenged, incredulous that he would ever look at it that way.

“If you’re asking in a spiritual sense—I don’t know. But as far as this life, being a vampire now, I would say it’s a curse. It’s a curse to constantly deny my thirst, to want to take a human life, to have to hide myself from society…I don’t want that for you,” he pleaded.

“It would keep your family together,” I contended.

“I don’t care. They can leave without me, I’ll stay here with you,” he insisted.

“I’m not going to be the reason your family breaks apart,” I objected with a stern voice. He was really starting to piss me off.

I continued my rant. “And what about when I die? It's going be an accident, or illness, or old age...as long as I'm human.”

“That’s how it’s supposed to be Iz. I’ll follow you once you go.”

“By offing yourself?” I shrieked.

“You’re going to wake up Charlie,” he warned. “But yes, I would find some way to destroy myself.”

I stood up from the bed, completely exasperated. His reasoning was so fucking ridiculous. It made me mad.

“Well it’s a good thing that it isn’t your choice then!” I balked, throwing my arms up in the air. “I can go ask Carlisle to change me myself. Or Alice. Or some other vampire!”

“Iz, please try to understand…,” he begged.

“No! Because it doesn’t make any sense! Besides, if I stay human and the Volturi find out, then we’re both dead. Along with anyone else in Forks who they suspect.” My throat constricted with emotion then and tears sprang to eyes. Why didn’t he want me to join his family?

“We can outrun them. We can hide. I’ll keep you safe,” he claimed. 

“Life would be so much easier if I were a vampire. We could have a family,” I said.

“Oh yeah? What about your family?” he disputed. “You wouldn’t have your thirst under control for about a year—you would want to kill them. And even if you could manage to be around them, they can’t ever know about you. We would have to tell them that you died. They would know you were different.”

That one stopped me in my tracks a little. I would miss Renee and Charlie like crazy.

I went over to sit on the bed, resigned. “Is there no hope then?” I asked, tears falling freely now.

He put his arm around me then, and I rested my head in the nook of his shoulder.

“We can figure something out,” he soothed. “I’m not ruling out turning you into a vampire. I just want to make sure that’s our absolute last resort. I don’t want to subject you to pain and trauma and grief it’s not necessary.”

We were quiet for a few moments.

“And look,” he started. “I’m not going to stop you. You could come over to our house right now and demand that Carlisle change you. And he would. And I would support you. All I’m asking is that you wait and give it some time. Let you and me exhaust all our options first.”

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “I guess.”

When he put it that way, it made a little more sense. I was glad to hear he would support me either way. If I did decide to become a vampire though, I would want Edward to be on board.

I hugged him then, content the way things were for now. He would stay in Forks, and I would stay human. And his family would be okay with that.

He returned the embrace and seemed at peace.

“I should let you get to sleep. It’s so late,” he said as he pulled back to look at me.

“Can you stay? I’ll sleep, I promise. You can leave in the morning, right?”

“What about your sleep talking? I thought it embarrassed you,” he teased, quirking his eyebrow.

“I don’t care anymore. I just want you here.”

He chuckled at that. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

“Give me a second to get ready for bed,” I stated. I hopped up and opened my door to get to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and hurried back to my room.

I thought about asking Edward to turn around or close his eyes but ultimately decided against it as I took off my clothes and pulled my sleep shirt on. I scurried to my bed and dove under the covers where he was, giggling a little bit.

“How am I supposed to let you sleep now?” he whispered in my ear, his arms encircling my waist.

“We don’t have to sleep. There are other things we can do,” I toyed.

“Oh I know. But you should really get some rest,” he smiled. He gently kissed me and started to stroke my hair and face. It was extremely calming, and I could feel myself drifting off.

“Edward?” I drowsily asked after a few minutes.

“Mm,” he answered.

“Earlier…when we…when you, you know, when I was touching you—was my scent okay for you? It wasn’t too overwhelming?”

“It was difficult to stay grounded, but I managed. It was easier for me because you were the one...doing the work, and I could focus on being still. All I had to concentrate on was laying there and not moving.”

“Oh. Do you think, do you think we would be able to do more than that some day?”

“Iz, go to sleep. We can talk about this later, okay?” He started humming the familiar lullaby and soon I was a goner.


	16. Wake Up Call

The feeling of cool lips softly pressing on my neck stirred me awake.

Although it felt wonderful, I grumbled in protest. I wanted to keep sleeping.

“Iz, time for school. I need to leave before Charlie gets up,” I heard Edward’s soothing voice say.

“Mm,” was all I managed to reply. I made no motion to comply with the request though.

“Iz,” Edward chuckled. “Come on baby,” he pushed.

“Five more minutes,” I croaked.

I heard him sigh. He kissed me again, this time on my mouth. My body started to respond as his hands began roaming beneath my shirt. Fuck.

I kissed him back, pressing myself closer to him and winding my fingers through his hair. If this was his plan to get me out of bed, it was backfiring. It just made me want to stay like this forever.

But of course Edward being Edward, he moved us to an upright position so that he was now sitting up against my headboard and I was straddling his lap.

I was wide awake now, so mission sort of accomplished? But there was no way in hell I was getting ready for school today.

The obscene realization that Edward was only wearing boxers and that I could feel him—hard—through my own underwear made me moan. I started grinding myself on him. 

Our kisses were becoming more and more frantic. I couldn’t get enough of his lips and the way his mouth tasted. When he began his own thrusts to match my rhythm, I threw my head back, caught off guard by how much better it felt that way.

“Edward,” I panted. I wanted to ride him harder. I needed more pressure. “Am I hurting you?” I asked, gasping.

“Not at all,” he said, breathless.

“Can I, oh fuck, can I go harder?”

“Yes baby,” he urged. That was all the encouragement I needed. I was getting so close.

We kept a steady rhythm as my desire kept building.

“Don’t stop,” I begged. “Just like that, don’t change anything, oh please…,” I trailed off, my thoughts becoming incoherent. At that point I was simply babbling a string of curse words. 

“I’m close,” I whimpered. My eyes were squeezed shut, and I had his shoulders in an absolute death grip.

I held my breath as I finally felt my release, my body shaking with pleasure. “I’m coming,” I whined, although I’m sure he knew.

“Fuck, me too,” he grunted. I was grateful he kept our bodies moving to ride out his orgasm—guiding my hips with his hands—because my muscles quickly turned to gelatin.

Coming down from our high, we were still for a few moments, simply looking at each other while we caught our breath. Well, I was gasping like a goddamn fish. Edward looked much more sophisticated.

“What a wake up call,” I joked, resting my forehead against his.

He laughed. “Now will you start getting ready for school?”

“After that, I’ll do anything you want,” I smiled, kissing him briefly before getting up. “I’m going to shower, so I’ll be back in a little bit…unless you want to join me,” I teased. But I was kind of serious.

He shook his head, laughing again. “You’d never make it out your front door if I did.”

“Well that doesn’t sound so bad.” But I turned to head out into the hallway anyway. It was probably too risky with Charlie around.

I hurried to brush my teeth and shower, not bothering to dry or style my hair. When I returned to my bedroom in my bathrobe, I found Edward sitting on my bed, fully dressed. 

“Not fair,” I giggled. “I haven’t gotten to see you fully naked yet.”

He flashed over in an instant and held me. “In due time,” he said as he leaned down to kiss me.

“Iz, you done in the bathroom yet?” I heard Charlie call out from downstairs. I jumped back, startled.

“Yeah Dad, it’s all yours,” I tried to call out nonchalantly.

“I better go,” Edward whispered.

“Will you be at school today?”

His face immediately set into a frown. Damn.

“The sun is going to be out again,” he resented. Fuck the sun.

“Okay. Will you be around at school again, skulking in the shadows?”

“I don’t skulk,” he declared, feigning indignance.

“You’re right, it’s more of a lurk.”

He laughed. “I’ll be…around. In hearing range of your friends. I promised my family no more intervening with your propensity for bad luck unless absolutely necessary.”

I rolled my eyes and kissed him goodbye. He made his exit through my window and I instantly felt a pang in my chest at his absence. God I had it bad. I could only hope it was the same for him.

I finished getting ready and threw on an outfit. It was Friday; my first full week of school at Forks was complete. Shit, I really hoped this kind of intensity wasn’t a recurring theme.

I went downstairs for a bowl of cereal. Charlie was eating cold leftover pizza in his usual spot at the kitchen table. I sighed. We were going to have to do something about the food situation.

Soon I was pulling into the school parking lot, dreading another day without Edward in addition to the extra attention the accident caused.

Angela, Tyler, Jessica, and Mike promptly surrounded me as I walked into the school, checking on me and offering their sympathies. I didn’t count exactly how many times I said I was fine, but it had to be at least fifty. 

Much to my dismay, there were more whispers and stares throughout the day. I was never going to live this down. The new trans kid who started dating the aloof weird guy no one talked to almost died—could I be a bigger spectacle? It would probably take weeks for everyone to stop talking about it.

Random, nameless people kept walking up to me asking what happened. It was beyond exhausting, and I felt even more on display than my first day. My only solace was that no one seemed to question Edward’s involvement. If people were suspicious, it was not expressed or shown. That gave me some peace in the midst of all the chaos.

Thankfully at lunch the group was mostly focused on going to beach tomorrow. I was glad to not be topic of conversation; it was a much needed break. I was content to just listen to them chatter on about surfing and hiking and campfires. It was refreshingly normal having been immersed in Edward’s supernatural world.

Still, I missed him. I took out my phone and sent him a text. _Wish you were here._

_Me too. I wish could just talk to you instead of listening to people’s thoughts about you._

_What’s everyone thinking?_

_They’re just concerned about you being okay. Excited for LaPush._

_Is anyone skeptical of our story?_

_Not that I’ve picked up._

_Are you joining me tomorrow at the beach? I’m sure you’re invited._

_Well for starters, I don’t think Mike would be very happy. Aside from that though, I’m not allowed on the reservations._

_What? Why?_

_It’s a long story. It has to do with the Quileute legends. We have a longstanding treaty._

_You mean the rumors about the cold ones?_

_How do you know about that?_

_I’m friends with Jacob Black. He lives on the rez. Our families have known each other since we were little. He mentioned some rumors, but I thought they were just silly exaggerated stories made up about your family because people think you're weird._

_Well the actual Quileute legends don’t say anything about vampires. But the tribe has always been wary about our family. They’re more open to the idea of the supernatural, so they of course suspected something was off about us. They made it clear we were not to step foot on their land and drafted a treaty that Carlisle agreed to. I guess over the decades the suspicions have slowly morphed and blended into the tribe’s history._

_Decades?! That’s how long you’ve been in Forks?_

_Not consistently. Eventually we have to leave because we don’t age and people would catch on. So we return every few decades once we can be sure the people that knew us have passed on. I’m not sure if any of the living members of the Quileute tribe actually knows who we are. It’s mostly rumors at this point like you said. But we still honor the treaty we made._

_So you won’t come tomorrow?_

_No baby. I’m sorry. I’ll miss you._

_I don’t want to go without you._

_Iz, you shouldn’t not go just because I’m not going._

_I’d rather spend time with you._

_I would too. But I can’t keep you from your entire life._

_You keep saying that._

_Because it’s true._

We didn’t say anything for a minute or two. I tried to hold tight to my mom’s words about balance, but it was incredibly difficult.

He texted me again. _Besides, I have a date planned for us tonight._

_Really? What are we doing?_

_It’s a surprise._

We were interrupted by the lunch bell. Damn.

I glumly made my wait to biology. I was disappointed about going to LaPush without Edward but still looking forward to our alleged date. Thankfully Mr. Banner opted to just show a video and have us follow along by completing a worksheet with questions. I was grateful for the solitude of not having to interact with anyone.

Gym went by fast, although I was irritated at the coach’s reminder of the detention I was to serve on Monday.

As school ended and I made my way out to the parking lot, I was on high alert. There was no way I was going to let myself almost die today. I kept looking all around me and triple checked my surroundings. No careening out of control vans today luckily.

I made it home in one piece, dismayed to find Charlie’s cruiser in the driveway. What was he doing off work so early?

My phone buzzed. It was Edward again. _Can I come get you in an hour? I wanted to meet you right when you got home, but Charlie was there. So I decided to go hunting with Alice._

_Sounds good. I need some time to get ready anyway._

I made my way into the house and said hi to Charlie who was sitting on the couch watching TV. I guess I’d better let him know where I was going. I wondered if I had a curfew. I mean, I was eighteen, but I still wanted to respect his rules.

“Hey Dad, you’re home early.”

“Yeah, one of the guys wanted to pick up an extra shift so I let him.”

“Edward and I are going on a date tonight.” Better to just tell him instead of asking.

“Where are you going?” he said looking up from his game.

“I don’t know yet, it’s a surprise.”

The corners of his mouth turned down a little bit. “Okay, just be home by midnight.”

“Sure thing,” I replied, elated at that much time with Edward.

I hurried up to my room to get ready and wait.


	17. The Meadow

I took one last look in the mirror, satisfied with my hair and outfit.

In the end I opted for comfort, wearing some baggy black pants, a grey thermal shirt, and a green button down flannel over it with black Doc Martens. I wasn’t really feeling any makeup looks, so I left my face bare. I spent the most time on my hair, styling it in a way so that the waves stayed intact.

It was about five o’clock when I heard the doorbell ring. He was here.

By the time I went downstairs, Charlie had already answered the door and Edward was inside. His beauty took my breath away every time I saw him.

As they were making uncomfortable and awkward small talk with each other, I took a second to really look at Edward.

He was more dressed up than I was, with dark blue jeans and a brown crew neck sweater. The brown color of his top emphasized his red hair. His voluminous locks always found a way to stick out in all sorts of random directions. 

I wondered if Charlie or any other people in Forks noticed how dark his eyes always were. They were practically black. I assumed it was vampire thing since the rest of his family had the same eyes.

I watched him attempt to talk to Charlie about sports. He seemed to know enough about the local teams to get by in the conversation, but I knew it wasn’t really his thing. It was cute.

I couldn’t believe how much one person could change my world the way that he had in such a short amount of time. It was scary but also wonderfully exciting. I hated to admit it to myself, but I think I was falling in love. It felt stupid to think that way about someone after five days, but it was truly how I felt.

Edward was starting to notice how intensely I was looking at him. He kept throwing glances my way as he tried to stay focused on what Charlie was saying. I smiled. Poor guy, I should probably step in and save him.

“Well, we better get going,” I cut in.

“Be home by midnight Iz,” Charlie reminded me.

“I will Dad.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Have a good evening Charlie,” Edward politely said.

I took Edward’s hand and led him out the door, eager to have time alone with him. I was giddy at the realization that I was falling so hard for him and would probably love him soon.

“What’s the rush?” Edward teased.

“Just ready to start our date,” I said with a laugh as we both slid into his Volvo.

As we headed out onto the main road, I became quite curious. “Where are we going?” I wondered.

“You’ll see,” he replied with a mischievous smirk. I guess I would.

We were comfortably quiet in the car, only music filling up the silence. After asking for consent to look at his phone, I was pleasantly surprised to find it was a recently created playlist containing multiple songs from all the artists I had listed off in the earlier conversation we had about my music taste.

I skipped to a My Chemical Romance song and started singing along. I grinned when Edward joined me, elated that we could be friends and mates at the same time.

Car karaoke lasted all the way until Edward turned off at a heavily wooded trail, thick with trees.

“Seriously, where are we?” I asked again.

“I know a place,” he smiled. Once the car was parked, he grabbed a backpack from the trunk as I got out. We then started walking along the trail.

“Can you at least tell me how far away it is? I didn’t know we would be going hiking,” I said eyeing the rocky terrain.

“It’s just half a mile or so. Besides, if you get tired or if your feet hurt, I can just carry you,” he laughed.

“Okay, but don’t be surprised if I take you up on that offer.” I wasn’t opposed to walking even a few miles, but an excuse to be held by Edward was tempting.

“How are things with your family?” I inquired as we made our journey into the forest.

“They’re okay. Everything is pretty much back to normal, aside from Emmett giving me a hard time about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s nothing, he’s just really immature sometimes.”

“Tell me,” I whined.

He chuckled. “It’s just...a lot of sex jokes. Mostly geared towards me, I promise.”

Oh. “Like what?”

“He thinks I’m being a prude about how dangerous it could be.”

“Well I agree with Emmett.” He gave me a light, playful shove.

“Have you…ever?” I wondered, hoping I wasn’t being too intrusive.

“Yes, a handful of times. Never with a human obviously. And never in a relationship. You’re the first romantic partner I’ve ever had. Have you?”

“Yeah. I had a girlfriend my freshman and sophomore year of high school. Just her. Oh and this one time in gym with Mike Newton,” I added jokingly.

He shoved me again and laughed. “What happened between you and her?”

“Nothing too dramatic. I think we just got bored and wanted to see other people.”

We walked silently for a few minutes.

I was hesitant about pursuing the subject, but I did it anyway. “Do you really think it would be too dangerous? You seemed in control this morning. What if one day we did what we did but like, you know…without clothing?” I felt my face get hot at the insinuation.

He sighed. “I want to Iz. More than I’ve ever wanted to with anyone else. It doesn’t even compare. But I couldn’t live myself if I accidently hurt you. If I did anything too hard, I could crush you, or break your bones. I…,” he trailed off, grimacing. “I hate to even think about doing that.”

I didn’t say anything, understanding where he was coming from but also feeling disappointed.

I decided to go a different route. “I wonder what it’s like as vampire. You never did when you were human?”

“No, I was young and it was a different time. It wasn’t until after I changed. I wouldn’t really know the difference, but I assume the mechanics are the same,” he said with a grin. “But I suppose…,”

“What?” I pressed.

“I guess the movement is faster, you know, with our speed. And you don’t get tired, or out of breath. You don’t need to stop to use the bathroom, or drink water, or eat.”

I contemplated that for a moment. A sex marathon with Edward sounded like heaven.

“How do you all stop? How would anyone be able to do anything else?”

He laughed. “Sometimes Emmett and Royal live away from us for a few years, separately as a couple for that very reason. Carlisle and Esme take a lot of vacations. Jasper and Alice, too.”

“You know this is just making me want to be a vampire even more,” I kidded, hoping it wouldn’t sour the mood.

Luckily, Edward took my comment in stride. “I don’t think sex is a legitimate enough reason to become a vampire.”

“If it means we can go at it for days or weeks at time, it absolutely is.”

He shook his head, smiling. After a few more minutes, I heard him softly say, “We’re here.”

I stepped forward through the last fringe of brush into the loveliest place I had ever seen. The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers—violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere nearby, I could hear the bubbling sound of a stream. The sun was starting to set, filling the circle with a haze of orange sunshine.

I walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and crisp air. I halfway turned, wanting to share this with Edward, but he wasn’t behind me where I thought he was. I spun around, searching for him with sudden alarm.

Finally, I spotted him, still under the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching me. My eyes widened as he took off his sweater. My mind was instantly jumbled at the sight of his body, but then I remembered what he had promised to show me about his skin and the sun.

“Care to join me?” I said beckoning him into the light.

Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the evening sun. His skin in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn’t get use to it, although I had been staring for several minutes now. His skin literally sparkled—I don’t know how else to describe it—like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded beneath the surface.

He walked over to me and took my hand, leading me to the center of the clearing. He was like a perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal. Opening the backpack to reveal a thick, large blanket, Edward created a space for us to sit down, motioning for me to join him. He laid on his back, and I did the same, never taking my eyes off of him.

“I don’t scare you?” he asked playfully.

“No more than usual.”

He smiled wide, his teeth flashing in the sun.

I inched closer, stretching out my hand to trace the contours of his chest and abdomen.

“You can’t imagine how that feels,” he sighed.

I lightly trailed my hand over the perfect muscles of his arm, following the faint pattern of bluish veins inside the crease at his elbow. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he whispered. I looked to see his eyes watching me, suddenly intent. “It’s still so strange for me, not knowing.”

“You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time.”

“It’s a hard life.” I heard regret in his tone. “But you didn’t tell me.”

“I was thinking of how impossibly beautiful you are, too beautiful to exist. I’m scared that you’re not real and that this is all some dream or trip I’m on.”

“What we have is real,” was all he said as he leaned over to kiss me. I greedily pulled him on top of me, although it had no effect on him. But he complied, hovering his body over me as our lips crashed together.

We stayed like that for several minutes, taking turns kissing each other on the neck, jaw, and lips. After some time, I felt his chest start to warm up as a result of my body heat.

“Can I touch you?” he asked with his hand on my button of my jeans.

“Yes. Please.” My breath hitched as he slid his hand into my pants. It was cold as fuck, but I couldn’t care less.

“Promise you’ll tell me to stop if I make you dysphoric or uncomfortable in any way,” he said as his fingers explored.

“Mm,” was the only response I could manage between pants. I didn’t think I could form a complete sentence even if I tried. The only thought in my head was the way it felt when he touched me.

When he stroked me a little harder, I let out moan. “Fuck that feels so good,” I gasped.

“I love making you come. Will you come for me Iz?” he whispered in my ear.

All I could do was whimper in response. I was getting close, so close. I grabbed his hair, feeling the tension building in my body. 

“Faster,” I pleaded, and he obeyed. I couldn’t even focus on kissing him anymore. I still kept his gaze though, looking directly into his eyes and groaning.

After a few more minutes, I felt my release, slightly embarrassed by my body involuntarily shaking with pleasure. He kissed me softly, gently removing his hand.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“I should be thanking you,” I said, still catching my breath.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he argued, pressing his mouth to my forehead. He flipped onto his back, still looking at me.

We just laid there staring for a few moments. And then my stomach awkwardly growled. I laughed as a put my hands over my face.

“I have just the remedy,” he gleamed. Edward put his sweater back on, to my disappointment, and rummaged through his backpack.

I eyed the hand sanitizer he used to clean his hands of, well, me. “Practical,” I commented.

“Just trying to be thorough,” he said in mock seriousness. I giggled. He then pulled out an assortment of plastic containers.

“I wasn’t sure what foods you liked best, so I brought a little bit of everything.” He looked really unsure for a moment.

“Whatever you brought will be perfect,” I reassured, taking the containers and checking them out. There were different types of sweets, bread, cheeses, nuts, fruits, veggies, crackers, and deli meats. It was quite the spread. He also took out a few water bottles as well.

I grabbed a water bottle and started chugging. My mouth was extremely dry and I was grateful to be able to quench my thirst. I decided to munch on some veggies and nuts at first. I still felt strange whenever I ate in front of Edward, wishing that I didn’t have to be the only one.

“What are your favorite foods anyway?” he asked after I started in on the crackers.

After taking out a piece of cheese, I answered. “I like everything really. Mexican is good, but I also like Asian, Greek, Italian…I like comfort food too though, like macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, fried chicken. I think I’m pretty easy to please.”

He smirked at my last comment, and I rolled my eyes.

“Favorite restaurant?” he quizzed.

My eyes lit up. “There’s this awesome Thai place in Phoenix that my mom and I love to go to…,” my face fell midsentence at the mention of home and my mom.

Edward immediately took my hand. “It’s been hard missing her,” he reflected sympathetically.

I cleared my throat, not wanting to ruin our date by getting emotional. “Yeah…maybe we could go there one day. I mean, I know you won’t eat anything there, but you could come with my mom and me. I want you to meet her someday. And Phil, her husband.” I tried to lighten the mood and cheer myself up.

“I would love to meet them,” he affirmed. “It might a little tricky though with Arizona being so sunny all the time. But we’ll figure something out,” he teased.

We continued chatting, about nothing and everything as I sampled the spread he brought me. Soon though I was quite full. And disheartened at how quickly the time passed. The sun had set and the air was starting to get colder.

“Can we go back to your car? Just to sit though, I don’t want to leave yet,” I quickly clarified. I was determined spend every single minute with until midnight. “I would like to sit somewhere warm with a heater.”

“Of course,” he said. He packed up all of our picnic items with his inhuman speed so that his movements were just a blur. In the time it took me to stand up, he had finished already.

“If you carry the backpack, I can carry you to the car. We’ll get there much faster if I run,” he added with excitement.

“Okay,” I hesitantly agreed, not quite sure what he meant. I put on the backpack and then hopped up on his back. My arms laced around his neck and I wrapped my legs around his torso.

And then he was running.

If I had ever feared death before in his presence, it was nothing compared to how I felt now.

He streaked through dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet—like a ghost. There was no sound, no evidence that his feet touched the earth. His breathing never changed, never indicated any effort. But the trees flew by at deadly speeds, always missing us by inches.

I was too terrified to close my eyes even though the cool forest air whipped against my face and burned them. It was like sticking my head out the window of an airplane in flight. I felt the dizzy faintness of motion sickness.

Then it was over. In about thirty seconds, were back to the Volvo.

“Exhilarating, isn’t it?” His voice was high, excited.

He stood motionless, waiting for me to climb down. I tried, but my muscles wouldn’t respond. My arms and legs stayed locked around him while my head spun uncomfortably.

“Iz?” he asked, anxious now.

“I think I need to lie down.”

“Oh, sorry.” He waited for me, but I still couldn’t move.

“I think I need help,” I admitted.

He laughed quietly, and gently unloosened my stranglehold on his neck. There was no resisting the iron strength of his hands. The he pulled me around to face him, removing the backpack and cradling me in his arms. He held me for a moment and then carefully placed me on the springy ferns.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

I couldn’t be sure how I felt when my head was spinning. “Dizzy, I think.”

“Put your head between your knees.”

I tried that, and it helped a little. I breathed in and out slowly, keeping my head very still. I felt him sit beside me. The moments passed, eventually I found that I could raise my head. There was a hollow ringing in my ears.

“I guess that wasn’t the best idea,” he mused.

I tried to be positive, but my voice was weak. “No, it was very interesting.”

He laughed. “You’re as pale as I am right now!”

“I think I should have closed my eyes.”

“Remember that next time.”

“Next time?” I all but shrieked.

He laughed again, his mood still radiant.

“Are you well enough to make it to the car? You need to get warmed up.”

“I think I can manage,” I said, standing up and testing my bearings. I was much better now.

We both got into the car and he immediately turned it on, cranking up the heat. I took his hand in my lap, cupping both of mine around him in a gesture that had become customary.

“I wish you were going with me tomorrow,” I said with a melancholy tone.

“Me too.” He sounded dejected. In a twisted way, it made me feel good to know he was just as sad about it as I was.

“I’m stressed about not being able to check in on you,” he went on. “I won’t be in hearing range.”

“Again, something most people have to deal with on a regular basis,” I smiled sarcastically. “Besides, wouldn’t Alice be able to see?”

“Not if the decision happened in the moment.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine Edward.”

He frowned. “I know.”

We stayed in the car, talking and exchanging sweet kisses until the absolute exact minute he needed to leave to get me home in time. I tried to argue that Charlie was asleep and full of beer, so we could probably stay out later. But Edward wasn’t having any of it, wanting to make a good impression as my boyfriend.

When we finally made it to my house, I found it incredibly difficult to say goodbye and leave the car. The strange magnetic pull I had towards Edward seemed to become stronger the more I was around him. It eased my distress, only slightly, to sense that it was just as much as a struggle for him.

“Will I be able to see you when I get back from the beach?” I asked.

“Of course. But don’t rush home on my account. Enjoy the day with your friends. I’ll be here as soon as you get back.”

I gave him one last kiss as I got out of the car and headed inside.


	18. LaPush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you to all who have been reading. It makes me really happy to know others are enjoying the story. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up about this chapter. There is transphobia and also the use of the t-slur. It has been used for literary purposes by a trans person (me) - however I will remove it from the chapter if anyone finds it to be unnecessarily offensive. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I woke up to the sound of phone’s alarm. It wasn’t too early for me—ten in the morning—but I did feel a bit drowsy.

After showering and brushing my teeth, I put on a hoodie, jeans, and sneakers, knowing we would be outside and walking around all day. I also planned to wear the heaviest jacket I owned over the hoodie. There was no way in hell I was getting in the freezing cold water, so I didn’t worry about swimwear or towels or anything else like that.

I headed downstairs to see Charlie packing up his fishing gear. He had a day out on the lake planned with his friends which coincided perfectly with my trip to LaPush.

“How did your date go?” he asked stiffly. I was sure it was uncomfortable for him to address.

“It was good. We went hiking and then had a picnic.” Thankfully, in Charlie like fashion, he didn’t push for any more details.

He packed up the last of his things and headed out the door, asking me to tell Jacob hello on his way out. I was reminded that I would be seeing my old friend, and it made me excited.

I ended up following him out the door, observing that we were out of milk. I’d stop somewhere for breakfast. Charlie and I said our goodbyes as we got in our respective cars.

I double checked Jessica’s address on my phone’s GPS. Everyone was planning to meet her at her house.

Once I made it out to the main road, I called my mom.

“Sweetie! I was just about to call you. How are you? How are things with Edward? Are you going somewhere? It sounds like you’re in your truck.”

I giggled at my mom’s enthusiasm. God I missed her.

“I’m good. I’m actually on my way to the beach with some friends from school. Do you remember Jacob Black?”

“I remember the family! I don’t think Jacob wasn’t born yet when I was still Forks. But I remember Rachel and Rebecca.”

“Right, his older sisters. He might be down there today since the beach is on the rez.”

“How fun! Is Edward going with you?”

“No, he’s couldn’t go. He had a family thing to do today.” It didn’t feel great lying to Renee, but I wasn’t about to risk her safety too. “We did go on a date last night,” I added.

“Oh my goodness! Tell me everything!” I filled Renee in on mostly everything, letting her know we were officially a couple. I almost mentioned that I was very close to being in love but decided against it at the last minute. I really didn’t want her worrying about me. And becoming so attached and invested as quickly as I did was worrying—if I was being honest with myself. 

I also told her about Tyler, Angela, Jessica, and Mike. When I mentioned how Lauren didn’t like me and was rude, she supportively called her a bitch. I smiled.

I let her know I had to go when I pulled up to the very same coffee hut Edward had shown me. That muffin was pretty damn good if I recall.

“Love you Sweetie! Be careful at the beach,” she warned.

“I will. Love you Mom, I’ll talk to you later.”

I ended up ordering the exact same thing as I did when I first drove through with Edward. Sipping on my iced coffee, I decided I’d eat the muffin in the car on the way to the beach.

I was the last one to arrive to Jessica’s. Everyone had parked along the street, and it looked like we were taking Jessica’s SUV and Angela’s sedan. I parked behind what I thought was Mike’s car and got out, muffin in tow.

“Finally,” Lauren griped as I made my way over to the group standing in Jessica’s driveway. I rolled my eyes.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late,” I said to everyone else. We all greeted each other and talked for a few minutes. We then figured out who was going with who and piled into the cars. Jessica, Mike, Lauren, Ben, and Eric were all riding in the SUV, and Angela and I were riding in the sedan.

“I feel bad I was the seventh person that required the extra car,” I mentioned to Angela as we walked to where her car was parked. “I could always follow you in my truck and you could ride with the rest of them,” I suggested.

“Iz, stop! I don’t mind at all—besides you don’t know where you’re going and it’s more fun to ride with someone,” she smiled. God she was sweet. “Plus, no offense, but I don’t know if I’d trust your truck to make the journey,” she added with a laugh.

I giggled. “Hey, lay off the truck.”

We got inside and began following the others. I insisted that Angela picked the music because it was her car and I didn’t care. She started listening to something I wasn’t a huge fan of, but it was tolerable.

Unlike my companionable silences with Edward, Angela enjoyed filling up the space with conversation. It was a little more talking than I was used to, but she made it worthwhile. She was funny, kind, and smart. I had no trouble relating with her.

“How are things with Edward?” she asked after we had talked about Phoenix for a while.

“Good, really good. I know it sounds weird because I’ve only been here a week, but I really like him.”

“It doesn’t sound weird. Sometimes people just really click.”

I felt encouraged by her supportive response.

“Yeah, it was definitely click at first sight,” I joked.

She smiled. “The only thing that surprised me was that the Cullens and the Hales really keep to themselves, so I was a little shocked when you and Edward started talking. But I’m happy for you!”

Angela sounded genuine.

“What about you?” I asked. “Is there anyone you’re dating or that you like?”

Her face immediately turned into a frown. Oops. 

“Oh...I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it,” I assured.

“No, it’s okay. Honestly. Would you mind not sharing it with anyone else though?”

“Of course.” I was getting really good at keeping secrets anyway.

“Well…I’ve had a crush on Jessica since we were like twelve,” she confessed in a rush.

“Really?”

“Yeah. But she’s straight,” she said hopelessly.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. We’ve had long talks about it.”

“Does she know?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of hard to hide. We’ve been best friends since we were kids. And I’ve never expressed any interest in boys.”

“Damn. That sucks.” I honestly couldn’t quite see the appeal Jessica had, but I didn’t know her like Angela did. I could still empathize with the shittiness of unrequited love though.

“No kidding,” she sighed.

“You’ve never liked any other girls?” I wondered.

“Not really. Plus there’s not much a lesbian population at Forks High,” she teased.

I laughed. “True.” I didn’t know if Angela’s attraction included nonbinary people, but if it weren’t for Edward, I could see something developing between us.

She continued talking. “I’ve really tried to move on. Sometimes I think if I met someone else then I would be able to. But I’m just stuck for now. But at least Jess is nice about it. She didn’t let it affect our friendship, and she’s never been weird about around me. It’s just hard.” Angela let out a sigh.

“I hear you. It sounds tough.”

We were silent for just a moment as I finished the last bite of my muffin. “Does anyone else know you like girls?” I prompted. I didn’t want to accidently out her to anyone.

“Kind of. I don’t deny it, but I don’t go around advertising it either. Our group definitely knows, but it’s more of an unspoken thing.”

I was grateful for the explanation so I didn’t make an ass of myself. We changed topics pretty soon after that. Angela was into movies which took up the majority of the ride. I wasn’t as into the conversation as she was, but I still enjoyed talking about some of our favorites. She was a huge horror fan, and we both were able to discuss the merits and critiques of M. Night Shyamalan’s works.

As we drove and talked, I sent Jacob a text. _Hey! Guess who’s on their way to LaPush right now?_

 _What?! No way!!! Are you serious?_ I smiled at his excitement.

_Yeah me and my friends will be at the beach all day. You should stop by! You can bring your friends too._

_Definitely! I’ve got some shit going on right now but I’ll drop by later, like around one or two._

_Sounds good! Just let me know when you’re on your way._

_Can’t wait._

I was surprised at how much I was looking forward to hanging out with Jacob.

Before I knew it, Angela was pulling into the parking lot. As I stepped out of the car, I shivered. It was an overcast day, and I was taken aback at home much colder it was by the water. I couldn’t believe Jessica, Mike, and Eric were going to try to surf.

Still though, it was breathtaking. The water was dark, white-capped and heaving to the gray, rocky shore. Islands rose out of the steel harbor waters with sheer cliff sides, reaching to uneven summits and crowned with firs. The beach had only a thin border of actual sand at the water’s edge, after which it grew into millions of large, smooth stones. The tide line was strewn with huge driftwood trees, bleached bone white in the salt waves. There was a brisk wind coming off the waves, cool and briny. Pelicans floated on the swells while seagulls and a lone eagle flew above them.

We all huddled up for bit, chattering and hyper from the cold and exhilaration we felt. Soon though the surfers broke apart to get their gear ready while the rest of us attempted to start a bonfire. Ben, Tyler, Angela, and I wandered around looking for somewhat dry pieces of driftwood for kindle. Lauren insisted on watching the cars while we scavenged.

I still hadn’t figured Ben out—he seemed mostly neutral towards me, but I couldn’t be sure. Talking with Angela and Tyler was enjoyable though. 

After some time, we deemed our supply of wood worthy of a campfire, and Ben started in on it with lighter fluid and large matches. It started out small at first, but after about a half hour or so it had grown to a nice size and was doing a great job at keeping us warm.

We had fun talking and laughing and watching Mike and Eric wipe out time and time again on the waves. Jessica was unexpectedly quite skilled at surfing. She glided through the swells gracefully, seemingly without effort.

It reminded me of the way Edward and his family moved, as if they were floating. I sent him a quick text letting him know that even though I was having a good time I missed him. He replied instantly and let me know he was glad I was enjoying myself and that he missed me too. He also added that he and Emmett had a wrestling match that he won. Apparently, Emmett wasn’t taking it too well. I smiled at that.

“What, texting your boyfriend?” Lauren asked with an acerbic tone. I said nothing and rolled my eyes.

“Why isn’t he here with you?” she pushed. It seemed like she wanted to get a rise out of me, so I said nothing.

“Lauren, lay off,” Tyler cut in. “You know the Cullens and Hales keep to themselves. Edward probably didn’t feel like socializing. Who cares?”

I shot Tyler a grateful look. “Thanks man,” I muttered under my breath. He smiled.

Lauren let out a scoff and walked off to get something out of the SUV. She was really starting to get on my nerves, more than usual.

After a few hours, Jessica, Mike, and Eric came to join us to take a break from surfing. Everyone was hungry now, so Ben and Tyler pulled the large ice chest out of the SUV and brough it over to the bonfire. There were water bottles, soda, sandwiches, veggies, and fruit. I admit I was slightly surprised to find beer and wine coolers in there too.

I drank and even smoked a handful of times in my life. Renee usually let me have wine or champagne at weddings or for New Year’s, and I had a few beers and a hit or two of a dab pen at the small number of parties I somehow managed to attend in Phoenix. It was nice feeling a little buzzed or tipsy, but I never drank or smoked enough to get really messed up. I was too scared of getting in trouble with Renee, or I had to drive home and needed plenty of time to sober up.

I decided today would follow the same pattern. One or two beers would suffice; it would be several hours before I needed to drive my truck home anyway.

Mostly everyone grabbed a beer and cheered to the weekend. The group talked and laughed as we continued eating and drinking. I felt warm and relaxed from the alcohol, pleased that I had made some friends the first week of moving here. I had prepped myself to live an isolated existence during my time in Forks. How quickly that had changed.

Before long, I received a text from Jacob asking where along the beach I was. I let him know and then told the group that some people from the rez were going to stop by. They had expected the usual rez kids to join them, having hung out before. Apparently, Ben was pretty close to someone named Embry.

Just a few minutes later, I instantly recognized Jacob walking up with his friends. He had long, glossy black hair pulled back with a band at the nape of his neck. His skin was russet colored and his eyes were dark brown, set deep above the high planes of his cheekbones. I let out a giggle and ran to hug him. It felt good to see a familiar face after meeting so many new people.

He effortlessly scooped me up in his arms and spun me around.

“Jacob! Fuck you’re tall,” I said laughing. He laughed with me.

“Six foot four and counting,” he beamed. “It’s good to see you Iz.”

As we made our way back over to the bonfire, Jacob took over introductions for the rest of the group. He brought Sam, Jared, Embry, Quil, Seth, and Leah with him. I introduced our group, although everyone mostly knew who everyone was with the exception of Seth and Leah.

I watched Lauren grow uncomfortable as the group mingled. I suddenly remembered what Jacob had mentioned about Jared and smiled to myself. Aside from the tension between those two, the integration was smooth; everyone meshed well, and some of Jacob’s friends accepted the beer that was offered to them by Mike.

After a while, I noticed that Leah and Angela were really hitting it off. I observed the two of them and immediately picked up on a vibe. Although I couldn’t be certain, I got the impression that Leah was flirting with Angela. She seemed interested and engaged. I would have to ask her about it on the way home.

“So how do you like the truck?” Jacob asked.

“I love it. It runs great.”

“Yeah, but it’s really slow,” he laughed. “I was so relieved when Charlie bought it. My dad wouldn’t let me work on building another car when we had a perfectly good vehicle right there.”

“It’s not that slow,” I objected.

“Have you tried to go over sixty?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Good. Don’t.” He grinned.

I couldn’t hep grinning back. “It does great in a collusion,” I offered in my truck’s defense.

“I don’t think a tank could take out that old beast,” he agreed with another laugh.

“So you build cars?” I asked, impressed.

“When I have free time, and part. You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get my hands on a master cylinder for a 1986 Volkswagen Rabbit?” he added jokingly.

“Sorry,” I laughed. “I haven’t seen any lately, but I’ll keep an eye out for you.” As if I knew what that was.

“You know Iz, Jacob?” Lauren asked—in what I imagined was an insolent tone—from across the fire.

“We’ve sort of known each other since I was born,” he laughed, smiling.

“How nice,” she snorted. She didn’t sound like she though it was nice at all. I wanted to throw something at her.

Jacob thankfully continued our conversation. “So is Forks driving you insane yet?”

“Oh, I’d say that’s an understatement.” I grimaced. He grinned understandingly.

“Do you want to walk down the beach with me?” I asked, hoping for a break away from the group. Jacob willingly obliged.

We both grabbed a beer to take with us and walked north across the stones toward the driftwood seawall. The clouds seemed to darken, causing the temperature to drop. I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my jacket.

It was so easy talking to Jacob. We had a pleasant conversation, just catching up on our lives in general. I didn’t want to lie though, and Edward inevitably came up as a topic.

“I can’t believe you scored a boyfriend so fast Iz,” he teased. “You must have some mad pickup skills. Props.”

“Shut up,” I said giggling and playfully swatted his arm.

“Hey, game recognizes game. Respect.” He held up his fist which I reluctantly bumped with mine, rolling my eyes.

“Just don’t join their freaky blood drinking cult,” he joked. I laughed along, but suddenly became nervous. I felt the need to defend Edward and his family. I knew Jacob and most of his friends were just kidding around with the rumors, but I wanted to dispel any possible hints or speculation.

“Stop,” I whined lightheartedly. “They’re not weird, I promise. I’ve met his whole family and even went over to their house. Nothing freaky going on. They’re just really private.”

“Sounds like something a new cult initiate would say,” he laughed.

I chuckled. “Ha, ha, very funny. Seriously though, I like him and his family a lot. It would be nice if people didn’t gossip about them,” I stated earnestly.

Jacob sensed my tone and backed off. “I know Iz. Look, the next some says some shit I’ll tell them to knock it off, okay?”

“Thanks.” I smiled, grateful that Jacob seemed sincere. After that we just talked about random things and reminisced on the few memories I had in Forks when I was younger.

We eventually doubled back to the bonfire after it became rather cold. Upon return, I could see the mood of the gathering had turned up a few notches. Someone was playing music off their phone with a Bluetooth speaker, and a few people were even dancing.

The laughter and liveliness was such a stark contrast to the drama I had experienced earlier in the week. I didn’t realize how much I needed some lightness—feeling like a normal high school teenager again—to take the edge off of an extremely stressful first few days. An errant thought wandered through my head of what Edward would be doing here if he were with me. Do vampires drink? Can they get drunk? I would have to inquire about that later.

Feeling bold and carefree, I opted for a third beer. It seemed like the others were getting fairly tipsy, although Jessica and Angela had officially stopped drinking for the afternoon because they would be driving back eventually.

Angela let us know she was going to her car to get her scarf and Chapstick. I made a beeline for her, seizing the opportunity for the time alone.

“Can I go with you?” I said, slightly breathless from running to catch up.

“Of course!” she replied.

“So…Leah’s pretty,” I grinned, feeling a bit loose from my buzz. I bumped her shoulder with mine, raising my eyebrows.

Angela smiled sheepishly. “Yeah,” she said with a giggle. Oh my. “Is it that obvious? Between Leah and me?” she asked, a little nervous.

“Not really, I don’t think. But I definitely got the sense that she’s into you.”

“Really?” Her eyes lit up with hope.

“Totally. You should ask for her number, or to hang out sometime,” I encouraged.

“Oh…she got my number already,” Angela offered timidly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

I laughed and clapped at the same time. “Nice!”

We stopped talking as soon as we returned to the group. I didn’t want to ruin any chance at Angela finding someone by making a big deal out of it.

As the group continued to party, I realized that this was probably the tipsiest I’ve ever been. I decided I was done drinking for the night and walked over to the ice chest for a water bottle. Lauren was standing next to it, looking full on drunk.

She elbowed one of Jacob’s friends—Sam or Embry I think—and whispered. Well, I think she thought she was whispering, but she actually said it quite loud.

“That’s the one I was telling you about,” she laughed. “The tranny.”

I stopped moving for a second and felt my face get hot. I had been called that word a few times in my life. But it still felt humiliating and degrading every time, even from someone like Lauren.

I heard someone snicker. I think it was Ben. Well that cleared up where we stood with each other.

“Lauren, can you just shut the fuck up about my gender? What’s your fucking problem?” I snarled. Fury had replaced my embarrassment. The group became dead silent, and everyone’s attention turned to us.

She sneered, looking completely unfazed. The person standing next to her, I’m fairly certain it was Sam, looked uncomfortable.

“I’ll shut up when you tell us what you have down there,” she slurred, laughing cruelly afterwards. “Tell us what you got. Is it a dick or a vagina?”

Someone gasped. I heard someone else curse. Unfortunately, I was also aware of stifled laughter. But I didn’t see who uttered what. I had tunnel vision; everything outside of Lauren’s face was a blur.

“Too bad you’ll never get the chance to find out,” I fumed. I wanted so badly to punch her in the face, but instead I stormed off. Assault, as wonderful as that sounded right now, was not something I wanted to add to my list of firsts here in Forks.

My angry walk turned into a bit of a jog as I felt my tears stinging my eyes. There was no way in hell I was going to let anyone see me cry because of that.

The group erupted into a cacophony of chaos as I left.

Angela and Jacob called out to me, asking me to stop. I heard them running to catch up.

I quickly spun around to address them. “Guys, I’m okay. Can I just have a minute alone? Please?” I really hoped they would grant me my request.

“Okay…,” Angela trailed off, unsure. “I guess.” It looked like she really didn’t want to let me.

Jacob appeared to understand. “We’ll be waiting if you need anything. Just call or text, okay?” He seemed concern.

“Thanks,” I muttered as I turned to keep walking, spared of humiliating myself further by breaking down at their support.

I rushed past the parked cars, a ways down toward the road to get here. The sun had set and it was even colder than before. I shivered. About half a mile out, I found a boulder, sat down, and instantly started crying.

At first I was angry at myself for letting Lauren get to me like this. I hated that anyone could make me feel this way. After a while though, I accepted that what she said was hurtful and that saying in a group was about a thousand times worse. Part of me was somewhat grateful that I had a few friends who would defend me and to try to help. But mostly I felt like shit.

I got my phone out and made a call.

“Hey,” the sweet voice greeted me.

“Edward…,” his voice made me sob even more. All I wanted was to be in his arms right now.

“Iz, what’s wrong?” he sounded alarmed. “Are you okay?” his voice was laced with distress.

“I’m okay,” I rushed out, trying to alleviate his panic. “It was just this stupid thing Lauren said about my gender. And it was in front of everyone…and I’m kind of drunk. And emotional,” I sniffled. “Can you…can you come get me please?”

“Where are you exactly?” he asked, pained. “I can only go so far—,”

“Right, the treaty. I forgot.”

“Fuck the treaty. I’m coming to get you anyway.”

“Edward no! Not for this. It’s stupid.”

“I don’t care, I’m coming to get you right now,” he insisted.

“No,” I started crying more. Fuck, I was making everything worse. I shouldn’t have called him. He can’t keep breaking the rules for me. Plus, I wanted him to respect and honor the treaty with the Quileute tribe. There was no way I was going to let a White man to come onto Native land without permission. Obviously. 

I tried to convey this to Edward through broken sobs. And I think he understood where I was coming from. After some frantic processing between my pathetic crying and his anxious insistence, we decided Jacob—who only had one beer a few hours ago—could drive me to the treaty line where Edward would be waiting to pick me up.

As soon as we ended our conversation, I called Jacob who picked up right away.

“You okay?” he asked.

I cleared my throat and tried not to cry. “Yeah I’m fine. I want to go home though, so Edward is coming to pick up me up. Would you mind driving me off the reservation? He doesn’t know LaPush well, so he will meet us right at the border.” I prayed he would buy that without finding it weird or suspicious.

“Of course. You know I can just take you home right?”

“I know. Thank you for that. But I think I just really want to be with Edward as soon as I can.”

“I get that. Where are you?”

I explained where I was, and he informed me he would be there in a few minutes.

After we hung up, I sent a text to Angela, Mike, Jessica, and Tyler. They of course insisted on me staying, and Angela offered to drive me home when I refused. I politely declined ensuring them I was okay and that Jacob was taking me to Edward. Luckily they left it at that.

Soon I saw headlights, with Jacob’s face behind them. I jogged over to the passenger door of the car and got it, grateful that it was warm.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that bullshit. Lauren’s an asshole,” he said comfortingly. “Just so you know, she got reamed by most of us. We chewed her out good.”

I tried to smile. “Thanks,” was all I could say.

“Listen…I know your friends with some of those people. But, why would you want to be friends with someone who hangs out with a person like that?” he asked gently.

It was a good question. How close were they to Lauren? Why _was_ someone like Lauren a part of their group?

“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “I really like Tyler and Angela mostly. Mike and Jessica are okay.”

“Yeah, they seem cool. But if they are really your friends, if they truly support you, I would think they would kick Lauren to the curb,” he said, his voice hard with anger at the mention of Lauren.

I hadn’t thought about it that way before. Part of me agreed with Jacob. But the other more insecure part of me believed I wouldn’t be worth it. Their friend group existed years before I came along. Would they really change the group—potentially break up the group—for me? I silently contemplated the possibility.

We made it to the border in just a few minutes. I saw Edward leaning up against his Volvo that was parked on the shoulder of the road, looking at me expectantly. Relief flooded through me in an instant.

Jacob pulled over and parked.

“I can’t thank you enough for giving me a ride to the border,” I said. “I’m sorry I ruined your time with your friends.” I felt bad. I had inconvenienced everyone.

“Iz, stop it. Of course I gave you a ride. And you didn’t ruin anything. It was Lauren being an absolute bitch that ruined it.”

“We should hang out again, minus Lauren,” I grinned.

“Definitely. Text me,” he said with a smile.

I leaned over to give him a hug. After we finished our embrace, I got out of the car and practically flew into Edward’s arms.

“I’m here baby, I’m here,” he breathed into the crown of my head. It felt so good to be near him again. I was comforted by his smell, the sound of voice, and the temperature of his body.

I pulled back and turned to wave goodbye to Jacob. He waved back and drove away.

Once we were alone, I kissed him. He returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm, and I felt like I was home again.

“Let’s get in the car where it’s warm,” he murmured against my lips. As soon as we were both in the car, I started bawling. Goddamn it.

Edward immediately leaned over to hold me and started whispering assurances in my ear. I felt his fingers thread through my hair as he began rubbing my back with his other hand. We stayed like that for a while until I calmed down.

I finally pulled away and wiped my face with my hands.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly.

“There’s no need to apologize for having feelings,” he reassured me.

“Thank you for coming.”

“Of course baby.”

“Can you take me to my truck? It’s at Jessica’s house.”

“Anything you want.”

We were silent as he drove out to the main road, aside from me giving the directions to Jessica’s house.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he delicately asked.

“Not right now. Maybe later,” I replied. I reached over to bring his hand in my lap, holding it with both of mine.

“Alice can drive your truck home if you want,” he offered.

“No that’s too much trouble. Can you follow me to my house though? To hang out?”

“It’s not too much trouble. But yes, as you wish.”

We made it to my truck relatively fast, and I almost regretted not taking Edward up on his offer as I got into my freezing cold truck.

After another short car ride, we were finally at my house, and I couldn’t even describe how grateful I was that Charlie wasn’t home yet. Edward zoomed to me as soon as I stepped outside, giving me a hug.

We went inside and up to my room. I took off my shoes and jacket, and Edward did the same.

“What do you need?” he asked, looking directly into my eyes. I melted at the care and concern that was all over his face.

“Just hold me,” I answered.

“Done.” And before I could take another breath, we were in my bed as he cradled me in his lap, wrapped up in a sea of blankets.


	19. A Better Night

Edward and I said nothing as we cuddled together. Occasionally we would kiss or touch each other’s faces, or play with each other’s hair. It was relaxing and helping me feel much more at ease.

After a day of socializing, both pleasant and unpleasant, I was glad for the silence and space to sit with my thoughts and feelings, but to also have the support and comfort of his presence.

Once I finally felt myself sobering up, I decided to let him know what happened. I cleared my throat and he snapped to attention, looking intensely at me.

“I was actually having a really good day, which is why it’s so annoying that this happened,” I began. “I hate that this memory is attached to my first time hanging out with friends in Forks. It was fun and I was enjoying my time with Jacob and everyone else.”

Edward spoke up then. “Jacob is a wonderful friend. I have a lot of respect for him.”

“Yeah…what wait?” It was the truth, but how did Edward know?

“I had the chance to read his mind for a bit,” he clarified. Oh yeah. “He cares for you very deeply and has an unwavering loyalty that you don’t see often from someone his age. Based on his thoughts, I think he would do everything in his power to defend, help, or give you whatever you needed.”

The way Edward said it made me feel like he admired Jacob for that.

“I think I knew that on some level…but it’s nice to hear it confirmed. I’m happy I have him in my life again,” I said on the verge of tearing up. It was heartwarming.

“Plus there is no attraction there,” Edward smiled. “I admit I am relieved.” He chuckled.

“What? Jacob?” I laughed too. “No way! He’s like a brother. And he is totally one hundred percent straight. He likes girls.”

“I couldn’t help but check in,” he acknowledged. “Not that it would matter anyway even if he were attracted to you. It wouldn’t change your friendship or my respect for him.”

“But it helps that he isn’t,” I grinned.

He grinned back. “Well yes.”

“Besides, I don’t think I’m very many people’s type anyways…,” I trailed off and frowned as Lauren’s face and words flashed through my head. Most people thought I was a freak.

His brow creased angrily for a moment, and then smoothed as his eyes took on a knowing look. “You don’t see yourself very clearly you know. You didn’t hear what a lot of the boys and girls at school were thinking on your first day.”

I blinked, astonished. “I don’t believe it,” I mumbled to myself.

“Trust me just this once—you are a lot of people’s type.”

My embarrassment was much stronger than my pleasure at the look that came into his eyes when he said this.

Edward continued speaking. “Sometimes attraction can be more of an unconscious thing…people have feelings before the they realize it—before they are explicitly aware of it.”

His lips pressed against my forehead then, and he let out a deep sigh as he nuzzled his face against my hair. I don’t think he meant to, but it was really turning me on.

“Go on with your story,” he urged softly.

“You’re distracting me,” I replied in a husky voice. I felt his lips turn into a smile.

I continued anyway though. “Everyone started drinking. And I think Lauren had one too many. She had already been giving me a hard time all day—she’s never liked me,” I huffed in frustration.

“Yes, I’ve had the misfortune of seeing that in her mind,” Edward echoed with a hardness in his voice.

“Yeah…what’s that about anyway?” I asked, hoping for more insight but also scared of hearing the truth.

“It’s mostly ignorance and lack of exposure to anything outside of what society deems normal. It’s no excuse, but from what I gather, her family is very conservative and traditional. I think she automatically despises anything or anyone daring to be different. It unsettles her.”

“Makes sense,” I mused out loud. But it still pissed me off.

“Not to psychoanalyze her or anything, but I think you being your authentic self—free and true to who you are—really gets to her. I think she wishes she could be that open or genuine but feels she cannot, especially with her family,” he added.

“Okay Freud, thank you for filling me in,” I teased. We both giggled. “No but seriously…that is helpful. I need to remind myself that when someone is being mean to me, it says more about them than it does about me.”

“I have found that to be the case throughout my long life. It seems that people get mad at other people for the things they don’t like about themselves,” he said, contemplative.

“Go figure. Anyways, when she was good and drunk, I guess what little filter she had vanished…and she called me, well you know, the slur for trans people—,” I stopped talking as I heard Edward’s sharp intake of breath.

“And then she asked me what I, you know, had,” I finally finished. I emphasized the word _had_ , hoping Edward would catch what I meant. I could feel my eyes well up with tears recalling the memory. It was much less painful as I processed it this time, but it still hurt.

I felt him tighten his grip around me. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Part of me wishes I had been there, but part of me is glad that I wasn’t…I’m not sure what I would have done if I were there,” he said.

“Well hopefully not kill her,” I joked.

He laughed. “Of course not. I would never physically harm her…but I would have yelled some extremely disrespectful things and scared the shit out of her,” he fantasized.

“Hmm, feral Edward. I’d like to see that someday,” I said, half kidding and half serious.

“Maybe, if you’ve been turned,” he smiled. My heart sped up at the fact he was considering that as a possible future scenario. Even if he was joking, I was happy that me becoming a vampire was more normalized.

“Anyway,” I continued, trying not to make a big deal out of what he just said, “I just tried really hard not to punch her in the face and stormed off. That’s when I called you.”

“I’m glad you did. And I’m grateful you stopped me from violating the treaty. I would have regretted that. But all I could focus on was getting to you,” he rushed out, sounding exasperated.

“It all worked out in the end,” I assured.

“I’m so sorry the night turned out the way it did,” he reiterated. He looked sad.

“Oh I don’t know, I ended up with you in my bed so I would count that as a win,” I flirted. He smiled and leaned to kiss me softly.

I think he intended to the kiss be sweet and gentle, but I quickly put my hands in his hair to keep him there and deepened the kiss.

He let out a soft a moan as I slipped my tongue in his mouth. His hands started roaming beneath my clothes, much to my delight. I pulled away briefly to take off his sweater and mirrored his actions by exploring his chest and stomach with my hands.

I meant for my lips to return to his mouth, but I became distracted by the rest of him, trailing kisses along his neck and down to his chest. Scooting down his body, I alternated kissing, nibbling, and licking his nipples, abs, and belly button. He was breathing heavily and starting to squirm the lower I got.

It suddenly hit me that I wanted him in my mouth. I wasn’t sure if he would be willing to let me, so I tentatively unbuttoned his pants, glancing up at him to check for any signs that I should stop.

His eyes were hooded, and his jaw was slack. God, Edward was beautiful when he was turned on like that. I unzipped his fly, palming him through his boxers where I found he was already hard. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a whimper.

Hesitantly, I kissed him through the thin layer of underwear separating me from where I so badly wanted to make contact. His head fell back and made a loud sound on my iron bedframe.

“Iz,” he groaned in a strained voice. “I don’t know if I can…,” he trailed off.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No…I don’t. But we should. I don’t want to hurt you…I don’t know if I can stay still when it feels so fucking good,” he croaked out.

I sat straight up, still straddling him. “Grab my headboard.”

“What?”

“Grab my headboard and hold on. Just like, pretend you can’t move. You can hold onto it as tight as you need to…can we try that? I’ll go slow, I promise. And if we need to stop, we can. Please?” I sounded desperate and whiny.

He complied and raised his arms to grip the iron rails. It was incredibly hot to see him in that position.

“Okay, let’s practice,” I directed. “Keep still and don’t move.”

I leaned in to kiss him as my hands caressed the hard planes of his chest. The minute I reached for him underneath his boxers, I felt his hands slide down back and grip my ass. I had no objection to this, but he had to learn to stay still.

I pulled away. “Hey. Hands back up where they belong.” He grumbled and put them back.

I skimmed my lips along his jaw and neck, stopping at his chest so that I could pay extra attention to his nipples. Slowly, I made my way down further, kissing him through his underwear again. I applied a bit more pressure with my lips, and although Edward grunted rather loudly, he was able to stay still.

Pausing to sit up straight, I smiled. “Good boy.” I lightly scratched his head and tousled his hair. His eyes shot to where my hand gripped him through his boxers. With my other hand, I grabbed his chin and tilted his face up to look at me.

“Will you keep being my good boy?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

I moved down his body to take off his jeans and underwear completely. He helped me by lifting up his hips, keeping his hands on my headboard.

Holy fuck, Edward was naked in my bed. It was a sight to behold. His body was literally perfect. I kissed him again, this time without any barrier of clothing. I don’t know why I was surprised that this part of him was just as cold as the rest of his body.

His breathing hitched as I experimentally ran my tongue along the length of him. I did that for a while—just to be certain it was safe. I was in no rush as I varied kissing and licking him.

Finally, I put my lips around him and took in my mouth, slowly.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered. I looked up to see him throw his head back, eyes clenched shut.

I stopped for a moment, testing the waters and ensuring he was still in control of his movements. And then I picked up the pace.

Edward’s moans gave me confidence that he was enjoying himself. And my good boy was doing so well keeping his arms locked in place.

Several minutes passed as I moved my mouth up and down, sometimes in conjunction with my hand if my jaw got tired from taking him in fully.

“I’m going to come soon,” he panted. I increased my speed and used my other hand to play with the softest part of his body.

“Oh god, oh fuck,” he rasped. I glanced up at him to see him looking at me with intense, wild eyes.

“I’m coming…I’m coming,” he groaned. I felt him release as his whole body tensed up—but to his credit, he stayed right where he was, even when I swallowed around him.

When I was sure he was completed finished, I sat up and wiped my mouth, feeling proud.

“That’s my good boy,” I smiled. He immediately wrapped his arms around me, free from needing to keep still anymore, and flipped me so that he was on top. Edward kissed me senseless, the movement so fast that it made my head spin.

“That was amazing,” he whispered, peppering kisses on my nose, cheeks, and forehead. I chuckled, still dazed by the sudden switch in position.

“I’m glad you liked it. And see? I told you we could do it,” I pointed out, smug.

He grinned. “It seems that you are correct.”

“Would you mind if I went to the bathroom real quick?” I asked.

He rolled over to my side, and I stood up and dashed out of my room and down the hall. I used the bathroom and then rinsed with mouth wash. He didn’t taste bad but…it didn’t taste great either.

When I returned to my room, Edward was dressed again, laying down in my bed on his phone.

I laid down next to him and he put his arms around me.

We were quiet for a few moments as he held me, nestled against him. I was lost in my thoughts of remembering what Edward looked like as he came when he spoke.

“Alice keeps asking me when the two of you can hang out,” he said in an amused tone.

“Whenever she wants to, tell her to text me. She doesn’t have to go through you,” I laughed.

“Ah, but I get first dibs on your time. I have priority scheduling,” he joked.

I rolled my eyes. “Perhaps.”

“You could talk to her you know…about what Lauren said. About what you’ve been through. She would understand better than anyone else. There was a time in her life when she didn’t pass as cis and encountered a lot of hate for it.”

I thought about that for a moment. It would be nice to talk to a trans person about gender stuff. Still, I hoped it wasn’t the only thing Alice and I would be able to bond over.

“That would be nice,” I replied. Maybe I would be the one to text her.

“She did tell me that Charlie would be home soon,” he reluctantly added. “I don’t want to leave though.”

“Then don’t.”

“I should let you get some sleep. You’ve had a long day.”

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.” He started humming my lullaby as I closed my eyes.


	20. Port Angeles

I woke up to the sound of Charlie cursing. It sounded like he was in the kitchen, and from the smell of it, I don’t think things were going well. I chuckled, trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

As I yawned and stretched, I noticed a folded up note beside me on the bed. I stupidly felt a rush of butterflies in my stomach.

Edward.

I read his perfect handwriting on the piece of paper from my biology notebook:

_Iz,_

_I hated leaving you in your bed sleeping, but Charlie was arriving soon and I needed to get the Volvo home. I miss you already and I haven’t even left yet. You’re talking about going to Phoenix with me in your sleep. Whenever you say my name, it makes it extremely hard not to kiss you. But I don’t want to wake you up._

_Alice has a vision of the two of you going to Port Angeles tomorrow to shop. It seems like you have already decided that you want to go, although you can always change your mind. If you would like to, come over to my house after you get back._

_Love,_

_Edward_

I tried not to read into his closing salutation too much, but it ended up being the part I fixated on the most. I clutched the note to my chest like the lovesick teenager that I was, feeling that hollow sensation at the thought of being away from him. But I knew I couldn’t spend every second with Edward. I wasn’t sure how this whole fortune telling thing worked but going shopping with Alice sounded great.

At that moment, my phone buzzed.

 _Pick you up in an hour!_ It was Alice of course. Well that was convenient.

I came downstairs to a pile of burnt toast and Charlie who was sitting at the table drinking coffee. We caught up quickly, exchanging only the briefest of details about his fishing trip and my time at LaPush. I let him know that Alice was coming to pick me up and hang out. He asked if Edward would be there and seemed relieved when I said no.

I rolled my eyes. If he only knew how much time Edward had spent in my room.

After breakfast, I headed upstairs to shower and get ready. I was looking forward to having a little break from the small town vibe of Forks. And although Port Angeles was no Phoenix, it was exciting to think of going into the city where there would be more to do and see.

After my shower, I opted for a more interesting look as I dug through my clothes. I settled on a red plaid skirt, a black turtleneck layered with a band t-shirt over it, and an oversized jean jacket. For shoes, I decided on my Doc Marten boots again, foregoing tights. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too cold today.

I ran out of time to do my hair, so I just wore it up in a mini bun.

It startled me when I heard my doorbell ring. I was surprised Alice would come to the door; I was expecting her to just send a text letting me know she was here. I quickly gathered my keys, phone, and wallet to put in my jacket pocket as a I heard her musical voice talking to Charlie who let her in.

I was really feeling my outfit today, so I decided to send Edward a selfie. It took a few tries, but I finally got the right angle and lighting. Feeling satisfied with the outcome, I sent him the picture along with a text.

_Thank you for your sweet note. That was nice to wake up to. Alice and I are on our way to Port Angeles as I’m sure you know. I’ll miss you._

I received an immediate response.

 _You look fucking hot in that skirt. I miss you too. I hope you’re still wearing that if we see each other later._ His reply had me weak in the knees.

_I’ll be sure to head straight to your house after we’re done in Port Ang._

Smiling, I headed down the stairs to find Charlie and Alice talking like old friends. It was a little shocking, actually, to see Charlie so comfortable and at ease socially. He looked completely relaxed as he spoke.

“Iz! You look great. Let’s head out,” she chirped, practically vibrating with energy. “Charlie it was so nice to meet you. You should come over to my mom and dad’s for dinner one day! I’m sure they would love to meet you.”

Charlie was certainly charmed. I couldn’t blame him—Alice was as equally dazzling as Edward. “That sounds like a great idea. You two have fun. Be safe though,” he warned.

“We will,” she smiled.

“Bye Dad!” I called out as Alice hurried me out of the door.

I gasped as soon as I saw the car that was in the driveway.

“Really Alice? A yellow Porsche?” I exclaimed.

“Ostentatious isn’t?” she laughed. That was an understatement. “Hey, it’s one of our indulgences okay? Being immortal can be tedious at times. We have to spice it up somehow.”

I nodded dumbly as a slid into the car. I have to admit, it was really nice. And it was fun, although slightly terrifying, to go flying down the highway singing with Alice at the top of my lungs.

After a while, she turned down the music and looked over at me. It was disarming to see Alice looking so serious, a stark contrast to her usual bubbly demeanor.

“So I saw what happened yesterday…although a moment too late,” she winced.

“Alice,” I chided. “You can’t see every little thing that’s going to happen, especially if it happens in a split second. Lauren said that in the heat of the moment. She probably wasn’t even thinking about it. The words just slipped out.” I didn’t want Alice feeling guilty or responsible for the situation.

She sighed. “I know…I just wish I could have seen it coming to at least warn you or give you a heads up. It’s a scenario I know all too well.”

We were silent for a moment. I felt awkward and uncomfortable at her empathy for my situation. Yes, it was hurtful and humiliating, but I couldn’t even fathom the amount of oppression Alice faced as a Black trans girl.

“Alice—,” I started.

She cut me off. “No, don’t do that Iz. Don’t use my experience to invalidate yours. This isn’t the Olympics of suffering.”

I was a bit stunned at her statement, mostly because she knew what I was going to say before I said it. That would take some getting use to.

“I-I know that. But our experiences _are_ different. Being White and trans is certainly different than being Black and trans.”

“I appreciate you acknowledging that, but it doesn’t minimize your struggle.”

“That’s fair.”

“Although I can’t be too sure, I’m sure coming out as trans in the early 1900s _and_ being able to see the future would land any person in the asylum.”

“The asylum?” I said incredulously.

“Again, I can’t be too sure. I have no memories of my human life, and I suppose that could be seen as a blessing. I’m going off historical records that I’ve been able to find through research. It’s tough—so many of us aren’t able to trace their lineage because of slavery. But, from what I could find, my name was Mary Alice Brandon. I was born in 1910 and turned sometime in the late 20s based on death records. I don’t know when I was shipped off to the asylum, but I think I was pretty young. And I think the treatments, if you could call them that, caused me to lose my human memories.”

All I could do was listen in rapt attention.

“If it hadn’t been for staying in the asylum, I’m sure I would have been killed—lynched probably. The mental health facilities weren’t too great though from what I’ve read. We were usually housed outdoors near the institutions or in local jails. There are some accounts of some Black children being cared for in the yards of the asylums. They were of course put to work…but I guess you could say that was better than being killed. Some days I’m not so sure though,” she mused out loud in a somber tone.

“Wow,” was the only response I could muster. My curiosity piqued though. “So then how did become a vampire?”

“I don’t know…,” she trailed off, quiet for a few moments. “I just woke up like this.”

“Wow,” I echoed again, like an idiot. I was extremely curious about her transitioning process—was it before she became a vampire? After? During? Could vampires get gender confirmation surgeries? Take hormones? I didn’t dare ask Alice those questions though. Perhaps one day when I felt comfortable enough with Carlisle, I could get some answers.

“Things got much better after I met Jasper though,” Alice grinned, breaking me out of my thoughts. I could sense her mood becoming light again.

I became deflated at the thought of Jasper. “I’m sorry for any tension I’ve caused between the two of you,” I offered.

“It’s not your fault Iz,” Alice said sternly. “The only person Jasper has any right to be angry with is Edward. It’s silly for him to hold anything against you. But don’t worry, he’s coming around. He will.”

“You’ve seen it?” I asked, hopeful.

“Well…not exactly.” Fuck. “Jasper is pretty stubborn, but I know he’ll come around based on experience.”

I would simply have to take her word for it. After the serious conversation, we moved on to a brighter topic, talking about all the shops she planned to visit when we got to the city. She also insisted I pick out something formal for the upcoming junior prom. I hadn’t realized there would be a dance at Forks High.

I tried to tell her that Edward hadn’t even asked me yet, but she dismissed me, saying it was obvious that we would go together. The thought of spending an evening with Edward all dressed up was just fine with me. 

After we processed for a bit, I decided that I would want to wear a suit. That meant getting it tailored too, apparently. I was content to let Alice take the reigns and direct us where to go. Once we arrived, Alice’s full energy returned. I enjoyed going to stores, even if I was just looking; I missed going to the mall with Renee, so it was refreshing to have a shopping buddy here.

After a few hours however, I was starting to feel a bit drained. Alice and I had already picked out our prom outfits—a beautiful black dress for her and a dashing gray suit for me. Honestly the suit was way too much money in my opinion, but Alice insisted on paying. I’d have to pick it up later once the alterations were finished.

At the fifth store, I was starting to feel all the walking take its toll. Although Alice’s enthusiasm was fun and entertaining, my introverted side was needing to recharge. I remembered seeing a bookstore in one of the shopping center directories; sitting down for a bit with a new gender theory book sounded rather nice.

Of course I didn’t even need to tell Alice my plans. She looked over at me from the rack of shirts she was perusing and told me she would pick me up outside the bookstore in an hour.

I smiled and headed out to the boardwalk, content to have a little quiet time to myself. As I walked toward the store, I shivered. The sun was setting, and it was starting to get cold. I felt a tiny bit of regret at not wearing tights.

Lost in my thoughts of Edward, Alice, Renee, Charlie, vampires, and gender, it wasn’t until the sun was setting that I became aware of being physically lost as well.

The little foot traffic I had seen was going north, and it looked like the buildings here were mostly warehouses. I decided to turn east at the next corner, and then loop around after a few blocks and try my luck on a different street on my way back to the boardwalk.

A group of four people turned around the corner where I was heading. As they approached me, I realized they weren’t too much older than me. They were joking loudly among themselves, laughing raucously and punching each other’s arms. I scooted as far to the inside of the sidewalk as I could to give them room, walking swiftly, looking past them to the corner.

“Hey there!” one of them called as they passed. I glanced up automatically. Two of them had paused, and the other two were slowing. The closest person to me seemed to be the one who had spoken.

“Hello,” I mumbled, a knee-jerk reaction. Then I quickly looked away and walked faster toward the corner. I could hear them laughing at full volume behind me.

“Hey wait!” one of them called after me again, but I kept my head down and rounded the corner with a sigh of relief. I could still hear them chortling.

I found myself on a sidewalk leading past the backs of several warehouses, each with large bay doors for unloading trucks, padlocked for the night. The south side of the street had no sidewalk, only a chain-link fence topped with barbwire.

The sky suddenly darkened further, and as I looked over my shoulder to glare at the offending cloud, I startled at the fact that two people were walking quietly about twenty feet behind me.

They were from the same group I’d passed at the corner, though neither was the one who spoke to me. I turned my head forward at once, quickening my pace. A chill that had nothing to do with the weather made me shiver again.

I listened intently to their quiet footsteps, which were much too quiet when compared to the boisterous noise they made earlier. It didn’t sound like they were speeding up or getting any closer to me. Breathe, I had to remind myself. You don’t know if they are following you. I continued to walk as quickly as I could without actually running, focusing on the right hand turn that was only a few yards away from me now. I could hear them, staying as far back as they’d been before.

I reached the corner, but a swift glance revealed that it was only a dead end road to the back of another building. I was starting to get quite anxious now. I had to hurriedly dash across the narrow road, back to the sidewalk. The street ended at the next corner where there was a stop sign. I concentrated on the faint footsteps behind me, deciding whether or not to run. They sounded farther back though, and I knew they could outrun me anyway. I risked a quick glance over my shoulder; fortunately, they were maybe forty feet back now. But they were both staring at me.

It seemed to take me forever to get to the corner. I kept my pace steady as the people behind me kept falling ever so slightly farther behind with every step. I saw two cars going north pass the intersection I was heading for, and I exhaled in relief. There would be more people around once I got off this deserted street. I skipped around the corner with a grateful sigh.

And skidded to a stop.

The street was lined on both sides by blank, doorless, windowless walls. I could see streetlamps, cars, and more pedestrians in the distance two intersections down. They were all too far away.

Lounging against the building, midway down the street, were the other two people from the group, both watching with excited smiles as I froze dead on the sidewalk. I realized then that I wasn’t being followed.

I was being herded.

I paused for only a second, but it felt like a very long time. I turned then and darted to the other side of the road. I had a sinking feeling that it was a wasted attempt. The footsteps behind me were louder now.

“There you are!” The booming voice of the original speaker shattered the intense quiet and made me jump. In the gathering of the darkness, it seemed like the person was looking past me.

“Yeah,” a voice called loudly from behind me, making me jump again as I tried to hurry down the street. “We just took a little detour.”

My steps had to slow now. I was closing the distance between myself and the lounging pair too quickly. I prepared myself to scream, but my throat was so dry I wasn’t sure how much volume I could manage.

The biggest person shrugged away from the wall as I warily came to a stop and walked slowly into the street.

“Stay away from me,” I warned in a voice that was supposed to sound strong and fearless. But I was right about the dry throat—no volume.

“We’re just looking to have a little fun,” the person called out. The raucous laughter started again behind me.

I braced myself, feet apart, trying to remember through my panic what little self-defense I knew.

Headlights suddenly flew around the corner, the car almost hitting the stocky one, forcing the person to jump back toward the sidewalk. The yellow car unexpectedly fishtailed around, skidding to a stop with the passenger door open just a few feet in front of me.

“Get in,” a furious voice commanded.

It was amazing how instantaneously the choking fear vanished—how suddenly the feeling of security washed over me as soon as I heard his voice. I jumped into the seat, slamming the door shut behind me.

It was dark in the car as no light had come on with the opening of the door, so I could barely see his face in the glow from the dashboard. The tires squealed as he spun around to face north, accelerating too quickly as we straightened out and sped toward the harbor.

I looked back to find Alice sitting in the backseat, her face twisted with pain and fear.

“Put your seatbelt on,” Edward commanded. He looked more vicious than I had ever seen him, more enraged than the first day we met.

“Iz I’m so sorry,” Alice pleaded. “It all happened so fast, I barely had time to—,” she was cut off.

“You saw what could have happened Alice! How could you be so careless?!” Edward yelled. It was the loudest I had ever heard his beautiful voice. The sound reverberated throughout the car, and I flinched at the grating volume in the confines of such a small space.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what could have happened. My guess was either a hate crime, sexual assault, or both. I blanched, aware of what a close call that had been. I felt myself tear up. The gravity of the moment was hitting me all at once, and I was overwhelmed.

And I didn’t want Edward to be mad at Alice. I was safe now right? I just wanted to move on and forget this whole event.

“Please don’t be mad at Alice,” I begged, my voice cracking with emotion. “I’m okay now.”

Edward looked over at me the same way he had when the van almost crushed me. Fierce and terrified at the same time.

“Are you?” he asked, his voice much softer and kinder now.

“Yes. The point is that you and Alice made it in time,” I pointed out a bit more sternly than before.

“Just barely,” he snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Edward, I’m sorry—,” Alice tried to say, but was immediately interrupted by Edward again.

“It was completely irresponsible of you, completely reckless. How could you have not been paying attention? How could you have become so absorbed _shopping_ , of all things, and lose track of Iz,” he condemned. The volume was back in his voice, although not with the full intensity as before.

“Edward stop!” I shouted, which quickly turned into a cry. I was at my breaking point for emotional tolerance.

“Alice is not my keeper! I am my own fucking person. It was my dumbass that got lost. If you’re going to pissed off, it should be at me. Or those motherfuckers,” I choked out in a sob.

Edward let out a deep sigh that turned into a grumble. Alice comfortingly put her hand on my shoulder from the backseat. I covered it with my own.

The car was suddenly slowing down as Edward pulled over to the shoulder. He turned off the ignition and reached over to hug to me. I gratefully accepted the embrace, although he was squeezing me a little too tight. I didn’t care though. Being held by Edward took on its usual calming effect. After several minutes, my crying grew softer, until it was just a few sniffles. 

I jumped at the sound of my phone buzzing. Edward released me as I dug it out of my jacket pocket.

It was Charlie “Fuck,” I muttered.

“What?” Edward asked.

“It’s Charlie,” Alice and I both said in unison. I quirked an eyebrow at her, able to appreciate her bizarre talent even in the midst of all the drama.

I cleared my throat and tried to take a few deep breaths to steady my voice. I didn’t know how I was going to face him when I got home. I was completely shaken—he would know something happened, even in his preference to remain oblivious. Maybe I should ask if I could stay the night at the Cullens’…

“Yes, you can,” Alice answered, finishing my thoughts for me.

“Are you sure?” I checked.

“Yes baby, of course. You’re always welcome there,” Edward reassured me, clearly reading Alice’s thoughts.

“Hey Dad,” I greeted, trying my best to sound casual.

“Hey Iz. It’s getting kind of late and I wanted to know if you would be home for dinner. I’ll order your favorite at the Chinese place unless you have plans with Alice.” He didn’t seem to pick up on any distress in my voice.

“Oh um, Alice invited to me to spend the night. Is that okay?”

“Iz, it’s a school night. I don’t know…,” he sounded unsure.

“Come on Dad, just this once. We’ll ride together to school in the morning. We won’t be up late I promise.” Come on Charlie, just say yes.

“It’s alright with her parents?”

Alice took my phone from me then. “Hey Charlie, it’s Alice.” She chatted away, with her usual charm and persuasion, assuring Charlie that it was getting late and we were tired; it sounded like she was able to convince him that it was the option preferred by Esme and Carlisle.

“Here, he wants to say goodbye,” Alice said, handing me back my phone.

“Now Iz, you are spending the night with Alice, not Edward. You hear me? You’re staying in Alice’s room, right?”

I groaned. “Yes Dad, I will,” I huffed out, embarrassed.

“Okay, see you tomorrow. Be safe.”

“Bye Dad.”

I hung up the phone and let out a huge sigh of relief. Edward started the car and returned to the highway. My head was still swimming with the stress of the evening.

“How did you get there in time?” I wondered, my curiosity winning against my desire to just drop the whole thing and never speak of it again.

“I was…in the area,” Edward said reluctantly.

“You were spying on me again?” I chastised, feeling quite frustrated.

“I was worried. I had a bad feeling—which turned out to be correct,” he added.

“Oh no, don’t you dare use that as an excuse for crossing my boundaries,” I retorted. I was getting pissed.

“I just wanted to be in hearing range of Alice. That’s how I knew—I saw her vision in her mind.” His voice had taken on a hard edge again.

“Of course that only works if the person is paying attention,” he seethed, glancing at Alice in the rearview mirror.

“Are you never going to let that go? What the fuck Edward? Just forgive her! It was honest mistake,” I said in an almost shout.

“Iz, it’s okay. I can handle his wrath,” Alice said quietly from the backseat.

“But you don’t deserve that!”

“Edward saw what was going to happen…I think anyone would be reacting this way if they witnessed something like that being done to their mate,” she reasoned, her voice practically a whisper.

I looked over at Edward to find his beautiful face twisted in agony. His expression confirmed I really didn’t want to know what the vision was about.

“Whatever,” I tutted, still angry about the spying. “Edward, why were you following me? Is that how it’s going to be every time I do something without you?”

“I don’t know Iz, are you going to be in danger every single fucking time we’re apart?” he sarcastically bit back. “You leave me no choice! Every time I’ve been there to watch over you, I’ve had to step in. Can’t you understand why I would be anxious?”

“But you didn’t tell me! You didn’t leave me a choice either. I admit I’ve had a bit of bad luck since arriving in Forks.”

He snorted. “That’s an understatement,” he quipped under his breath.

I rolled my eyes and continued. “But you can’t just stalk me everywhere. That’s weird and creepy…and unhealthy. And you could have at least told me. We talked about this before. Why didn’t you just tell me you were anxious and would be close by?” I was starting to feel more hurt than mad.

“I wouldn’t call it stalking…but okay. I’m sorry. I should have told you my concerns and asked for your consent to stay close. I promise not to do it again without talking to you about it first.” He sounded sincere.

I was still upset, but his apology made me feel a little bit better. I suppose I could empathize with Edward’s anxiety. If I were a superhuman capable of protecting my partner, I would want to make sure they were safe. Especially if they kept almost dying the first week of dating. That wasn’t the part I was most angry at—it was the lack of communication. But it seemed like there would be more of that in the future.

I held back from saying that he wouldn’t have to be my bodyguard if he would just change me. Then there would be no need for protection. But I didn’t dare open that can of worms right now.

I also wanted to ask him when he would forgive Alice, but I figured that was between the two of them to work out. I wasn’t responsible for smoothing things out in that relationship.

Despite being out of harm’s way and talking things out with Edward, I was still extremely keyed up. My nerves were frayed, and it felt like the smallest thing would set me off—with fear, anger, or sadness? I couldn’t say. I was all over the place.

Before I knew it, we were pulling into the Cullens’ driveway. I got out of the car, cold, and hurried to the front door where Edward and Alice already were.


	21. Aftershocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I hope everyone had a Happy New Year. I wanted to ask for your opinions. I'm not sure where to go from here. I was thinking of going through with the baseball scene and the whole chase with James. Should I go with a canon ending? Or should Iz turn into a vampire with the story ending like Beau in "Life and Death"? Let me know what you think!

As we stepped inside, I saw Esme and Carlisle get up from the couch, looking confused. Jasper flew to Alice immediately, looking furious.

“What the hell happened?” Jasper demanded. I felt a wave of sleepiness wash over me then. It was strange; I was still aware of my anxiety and stress, but I felt sedated. It was almost like taking pain medication or laughing gas. It dawned on me that Jasper must be using his talents as an empath. I guessed that’s how he knew something was wrong.

“Jasper, just let it go. Edward and I will work it out,” Alice argued. She sounded so tired.

Jasper turned to face Edward. He looked terrifying with an expression of what could only be described as rage on his face.

“What the fuck did you do? Why does she feel like that?” Jasper yelled.

Just then, I saw Royal and Emmett zoom down the stairs in a blur.

“Boys, let’s be reasonable. Can we discuss this in a calm manner?” Carlisle gently interrupted.

“Like that will ever happen,” Emmett chuckled. 

“It’s between Alice and me, so back the fuck off. Her and I will work it out,” Edward said to Jasper in a much more quiet voice. But it was filled with just as much fury as Jasper’s.

Part of me was glad that Edward and Alice didn’t want to explain what happened. It would be mortifying for the entire family to hear what happened with me in front of them. But the other part of me resented that my mishap, if you want to call it that, was causing all of the fighting.

“I am so fucking tired of you fucking things up for our family,” Jasper fumed, stepping closer to Edward.

“And you,” Jasper turned to look at me. I flinched. “You’ve brought nothing but problems for all of us.”

I felt my face get extremely hot with shame. Guilt flooded through me, and I wanted to disappear into the floor. He was right. I was the problem. 

Jasper’s features softened ever so slightly, seemingly aware of the pain he just caused. Edward bristled and moved toward him. Shit. In the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett and Carlisle tense up into a defensive posture. My heart sank at the possibility of Edward and Jasper physically fighting.

“Leave them out of this,” Alice declared, stepping between Jasper and Edward. “Don’t ever talk to Iz that way again. They don’t deserve that,” she said in an icy voice.

I was shocked by her willingness to stand up for me, to her own mate. I simultaneously appreciated and regretted it.

Jasper’s entire demeanor changed in an instant. He appeared to retreat, both in physical presence and in anger. Alice and Jasper stared into each other’s eyes for a moment as some unspoken message was being communicated. She took him by the hand and led him out the back door of the house. They were gone in a flash.

“They went hunting,” Edward announced, to no one in particular. I heard Royal laugh, but then he and Emmett were gone.

Esme flitted over to me at once.

“Sweetie I am so sorry about all of that. It was unbelievably rude of Jasper,” she soothed, embracing me in a hug.

“And I’m sorry Edward couldn’t control his temper, at least for your sake Iz,” Carlisle added, looking directly at Edward.

“You are not a problem,” Carlisle continued in a serious voice, gazing at me. “None of us feel that way.”

“We’re happy to have you in our lives,” Esme smiled, releasing me. It was kind and genuine, but I only felt numb. I was shutting down. 

“Thanks,” I said in a small voice.

“Come on,” Edward prompted, holding out his hand. I reached to take it as he led me upstairs and down the hall to his bedroom.

I plopped myself down on Edward’s giant couch as soon as he closed the door. It was the only thing in the room I could lay on besides the floor.

My eyes were closed, but I could hear him picking out a record and loading it into the player. A moment later I felt him sit down and the end of the couch by my feet.

Neither of us spoke. The only sounds that filled the room was the Hozier album. I was grateful for the silence. I didn’t know if Edward sensed my desire for the quiet or if he needed it too.

After some time, I felt him take off my boots. He started to massage my feet, and I let out a small moan. It felt wonderful.

“Would you like one of my sweatshirts?” he murmured.

“Yes, please.” It would be nice to be more comfortable.

I felt him get up, heard his closet door open not a half a second later, and then immediately felt him at my side again. It was strange to register each thing he was doing so quickly.

I stayed laying down, my eyes still closed. I was so tired.

“Iz?” he prompted.

I lifted arms up. He laughed. Edward gently raised the upper half of my body and took off my jacket and shirt, swiftly exchanging it for what felt like an oversized hoodie. It was warm and soft, although I shivered when his cold hands touched my body. He then let me lay back down fully.

After a beat I felt him slide off my skirt. I trembled. The hoodie was big enough to hit a little above mid-thigh, but both and Edward and I left it where it was.

I felt his fingers skim across my underwear. “Fuck,” I said, already breathless.

“Is this okay?” I heard him ask. Yes, it was more than okay. I needed him. I needed the distraction. I needed to get out of my head.

“Please,” was all I managed to say.

I was surprised when I felt his cool lips press against my hip. I opened my eyes to find his head between my legs, looking up at me expectantly.

I threaded his hair through my fingers and whispered, “Good boy.”

He kissed me through my underwear, and I threw my head back at the sensation.

“Can I?” he asked again, wanting explicit permission to use his mouth.

“God yes,” I panted.

Instantly, my underwear was gone, literally in the blink of an eye. I thought maybe for a second or two I would feel a tiny bit of dysphoria now that I was completely bare, but I didn’t. All I felt was desire.

His fingers started to gently caress me, but it was too soft. I wanted more.

“More,” I groaned, impatient. He let out a soft chuckle, and I shuddered at the cool breath I felt from his mouth being so close.

Luckily, he fulfilled my request, using his hand much more thoroughly this time. As my moans grew louder, I instantly shot my head up.

“Your family?” I gasped.

“It’s just you and me here,” he assured. I was too horny to be embarrassed by the fact that everyone left to give us privacy for _this_.

But before I could think about that much longer, he traded his hands for his lips and tongue.

Holy fuck.

It was cold and effortless and perfect. It was Edward. And he was doing things to me that I never imagined would feel so fucking good. I started to writhe, gripping his hair and the edge of the couch to keep from squirming so much.

The noises that were coming from me were outrageous. Any time I started to feel self-conscious about the way my body involuntarily responded, his mouth would bring me back to the incredible pleasure I was experiencing.

It was only a few minutes before I came—hard and fast. My body jolted at the aftershocks of Edward licking me clean despite being overly sensitive now.

“Holy shit,” I mumbled, trying to catch my breath.

I looked down at him to find him staring up at me. “Effervescent,” he whispered. I laughed at his word choice, feeling heady from my orgasm. I laid my head back down and closed my eyes, entirely blissed out and much more relaxed.

I felt him get up, and in the next moment, he was slipping what I assume were boxers on me. My eyes stayed closed as he curled around me, blanket in tow.

“Thank you,” I whispered so quietly that only a vampire could hear. And then the oblivion of sleep overtook me.


End file.
